I apologize in advance for the long post, considering this is my first time posting, but I really need a man's opinion on my concern.
My husband and I have been married for almost 2 years. We have been together for 10 years, since he was 17 and I was 18. We met online and talked for over a year before we met in person. When we first met there was an instant connection and for 3 years we made our relationship work by seeing each other twice a year until we decided to move in together. We have lived together now for 6 years and we have a 4 1/2 year old together (our only child).
So now my concern. When we first lived together of course we had our freedom to go out when we wanted and all that fun stuff. The sex was great and we would have sex anywhere between 2 to 3 times a day, 3 to 4 times a week. Once I got pregnant, of course that changed and we still have sex about 2 to 3 times a week, granted one week off a month. Lately, for the past 4 months, I've felt like there is a change in our relationship. A couple of weeks ago my wifi wasn't working right and I needed to download a file for one of my classes (I'm taking online classes through a community college) so I got onto my husband's computer to see if the file would download. Once it did I went into his "downloads" folder and noticed there were about 8-10 porn videos, the names ranging from virgin 18 year olds, gangbangs, and a couple of cougar type videos. It kind of bugs me and I've expressed my concern before how I felt about him watching porn and how it makes me feel insecure because I do not look like those women in the videos. Also, there are times when he will openly tell me he is going to masturbate and when I offer myself to him 98% of the time he refuses and says something like, "I don't want to have sex. I'm not in the mood and I'd rather masturbate just so I can cum faster." What the heck does that even mean? Does it mean that he'd rather look at those beautiful women than to look at me?
I know I'm not pretty and I'm not skinny like porn stars, but I just feel like he doesn't want me anymore. There are times when I tell him how I feel and he tells me things like, "You are beautiful to me. I like the way your body looks. I'm not ever going to leave you for someone else and I do love you." I feel like he just tells me those things because he's invested so much time into our relationship/marriage and we have a child together that it's just too difficult to start over with someone else so he's just settling for me. I have major insecurity issues with myself, hardly any that I let him know about, from past relationships of my boyfriends telling me I'm not pretty enough or I'm too fat, even when I lost a lot of weight and was a size 8 in high school.
I just feel like our relationship is just two people who are together because we have a child together and that he doesn't find me attractive since he chooses to masturbate at least twice a day rather than have sex with me, which I am willing and offer to do most of the work. I just feel like he doesn't want me anymore and I don't know what to do to bring that "want" between us again. And I also feels he just tells me those things that he finds me attractive just to shut me up.
I just need a man's honest opinion on what's going on here and what I can do so my husband will want me more over than masturbating.
My husband and I have been married for almost 2 years. We have been together for 10 years, since he was 17 and I was 18. We met online and talked for over a year before we met in person. When we first met there was an instant connection and for 3 years we made our relationship work by seeing each other twice a year until we decided to move in together. We have lived together now for 6 years and we have a 4 1/2 year old together (our only child).
So now my concern. When we first lived together of course we had our freedom to go out when we wanted and all that fun stuff. The sex was great and we would have sex anywhere between 2 to 3 times a day, 3 to 4 times a week. Once I got pregnant, of course that changed and we still have sex about 2 to 3 times a week, granted one week off a month. Lately, for the past 4 months, I've felt like there is a change in our relationship. A couple of weeks ago my wifi wasn't working right and I needed to download a file for one of my classes (I'm taking online classes through a community college) so I got onto my husband's computer to see if the file would download. Once it did I went into his "downloads" folder and noticed there were about 8-10 porn videos, the names ranging from virgin 18 year olds, gangbangs, and a couple of cougar type videos. It kind of bugs me and I've expressed my concern before how I felt about him watching porn and how it makes me feel insecure because I do not look like those women in the videos. Also, there are times when he will openly tell me he is going to masturbate and when I offer myself to him 98% of the time he refuses and says something like, "I don't want to have sex. I'm not in the mood and I'd rather masturbate just so I can cum faster." What the heck does that even mean? Does it mean that he'd rather look at those beautiful women than to look at me?
I know I'm not pretty and I'm not skinny like porn stars, but I just feel like he doesn't want me anymore. There are times when I tell him how I feel and he tells me things like, "You are beautiful to me. I like the way your body looks. I'm not ever going to leave you for someone else and I do love you." I feel like he just tells me those things because he's invested so much time into our relationship/marriage and we have a child together that it's just too difficult to start over with someone else so he's just settling for me. I have major insecurity issues with myself, hardly any that I let him know about, from past relationships of my boyfriends telling me I'm not pretty enough or I'm too fat, even when I lost a lot of weight and was a size 8 in high school.
I just feel like our relationship is just two people who are together because we have a child together and that he doesn't find me attractive since he chooses to masturbate at least twice a day rather than have sex with me, which I am willing and offer to do most of the work. I just feel like he doesn't want me anymore and I don't know what to do to bring that "want" between us again. And I also feels he just tells me those things that he finds me attractive just to shut me up.
I just need a man's honest opinion on what's going on here and what I can do so my husband will want me more over than masturbating.