I miss my wife.....
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That's pretty normal.
Try to think of the unhealthy relationship, and that being entirely unsuitable for you...healthy relationship with this particular person never going to happen...that allows you to miss the person and to appreciate them in memory, but to be realistic about the life you can't have with them.
Look up "relationship grief".
It's hard for me not to miss certain aspects of guy I broke up with, but when I look at the relationship, I'm repulsed by that. The person, no problem...the relationship...big problem...and so no problem letting that go.
Try to think of the unhealthy relationship, and that being entirely unsuitable for you...healthy relationship with this particular person never going to happen...that allows you to miss the person and to appreciate them in memory, but to be realistic about the life you can't have with them.
Look up "relationship grief".
It's hard for me not to miss certain aspects of guy I broke up with, but when I look at the relationship, I'm repulsed by that. The person, no problem...the relationship...big problem...and so no problem letting that go.
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128 Posts
You can re-format your brain, you can shape your mind.
It works. Did wonders for me.
Takes a lot of focus and hours of thoughtfulness.
Eventually you sorta just..let go!
My final agreement is sitting on my desk right now and I actually don't even care. I guess I shuld meet with my lawyer just so I don't sign the farm away but I couldn't care less about the EX, she is a distant star in a murky galaxy that has no bearign on the ebb and flow of my life, except to hurt my cash flow.
I can honestly say, I have never been happier. Every once and awhile, a faint shadow of a memory of her pops into existance but it is now like I am looking through a persiscope at that part of my life.
My Ex, that marriage...it was all just a phase of growth, I have built a foundation for the next stage on top of it, and if the ground murmurs now and again, I barley notice.
It works. Did wonders for me.
Takes a lot of focus and hours of thoughtfulness.
Eventually you sorta just..let go!
My final agreement is sitting on my desk right now and I actually don't even care. I guess I shuld meet with my lawyer just so I don't sign the farm away but I couldn't care less about the EX, she is a distant star in a murky galaxy that has no bearign on the ebb and flow of my life, except to hurt my cash flow.
I can honestly say, I have never been happier. Every once and awhile, a faint shadow of a memory of her pops into existance but it is now like I am looking through a persiscope at that part of my life.
My Ex, that marriage...it was all just a phase of growth, I have built a foundation for the next stage on top of it, and if the ground murmurs now and again, I barley notice.
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199 Posts
I was exactly the same - came out of mediation [monday] feeling better tho, but then the rest of the week has been very hard. I ended up falling out with her wed, telling how i blamed her etc then yesterday trying to be friends again ???
Hope you guys dont mind me chiming in...I too am going through the same thing,my D is final though and going through the what we had was the settlement in court,in all honesty i did not look at her,but i remember she just cried through the whole thing,deep inside i wanted to go over,give a big hug and tell her i am here for her,we'll get through this together,you know the overwhelming feeling took over,and the flip side was to jump over my lawyer,reach my hands around her neck and rip her head off,the switching of emotions that day was incredible,and i still have not let that go,i still feel the love,the caring,the best friend thing toward her,and then the flip side,i want to destroy her very being,the anger,the pain,what she put me through.
I think eventually we will all get over it,we will all move on,try to do this,shake it off,think about yourself,be yourself for once,easier said than done,yes,i live through it everyday.
I think eventually we will all get over it,we will all move on,try to do this,shake it off,think about yourself,be yourself for once,easier said than done,yes,i live through it everyday.
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466 Posts
My wife and I had such a loving marriage. the more I think about it the more I remember and see. She IS just grass grazing. She only THINKS she wants out... I'm sure of it.
The bad thing is? Before the blow up, I started realizing just how much she meant to me and how much I loved her. She loves me still. She still says tho "I don't love you as much as I should, not like 'that' anymore, i'm sorry, but I will ALWAYS love you..."
yeah. I miss my wife too. D is getting drawn up. She walked the papers to me last time she filed. So since I moved, I only suspect she'll walk them to me again. I don't know what it's going to be like at the court or w/e... reading your story about it made me shiver.
The bad thing is? Before the blow up, I started realizing just how much she meant to me and how much I loved her. She loves me still. She still says tho "I don't love you as much as I should, not like 'that' anymore, i'm sorry, but I will ALWAYS love you..."
yeah. I miss my wife too. D is getting drawn up. She walked the papers to me last time she filed. So since I moved, I only suspect she'll walk them to me again. I don't know what it's going to be like at the court or w/e... reading your story about it made me shiver.
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8,302 Posts
Do not choose someone that does not choose you.
Mourn the memory of your marriage. All the good things are still good.
Acknowledge that is no longer the way things are. Deal with your partner as they are ... now, not as how you wish them to be or as you remember them.
What you are feeling is absolutely normal. But ... don't let it own you. Don't ruminate in it.
Mourn the memory of your marriage. All the good things are still good.
Acknowledge that is no longer the way things are. Deal with your partner as they are ... now, not as how you wish them to be or as you remember them.
What you are feeling is absolutely normal. But ... don't let it own you. Don't ruminate in it.
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496 Posts
Yeah. I definitely remember how I wish she would be. I have a hard time with change normally so that is probably why I hung around in a loveless marriage.
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I'm going though the same thing. Separated only 2 weeks I'm still living in the house. The wife is seeing someone else already. Part of me wants to choke her and the other part wants to go to bed and make love to her again like we used to
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