[Shine_angel]

Hi to all!

I am a newbie here and I am 29 years of age. I met my husband when I was working in the other country. I knew that he has a son and because I really love him I decided to resign my job and go with him to his country. I never anticipate I will have any problem with his son, as he is so sweet even sometimes stubborn. His son is living with his mom.

Two months back, I asked my husband to have a vacation somewhere romantic and only the two of us, however he said that we have to bring his son, as the next trip, which is our first wedding anniversary we will spend some time together for a vacation, so I agreed. Then right now, when I asked him again if he wants to celebrate our wedding anniversary somewhere after he will be back from his work (he is working right now outside of our country) and he replied he wants to be with his son and me, as his son felt sad and lonely after he knew that he will work in other country - that was ex said to him. I reminded him about our agreement but he insisted that we chat every minute and every hour and there is no reason that I will feel upset. He just want to be with his son. Also, he said I am so egoist and jealous. He said that I have no right to compete with his son coz if I will let him choose then I have no chance. For my thinking, of course I cannot compete with his son coz that his own blood and I am not competing, neither. I just want to celebrate our wedding anniversary together even for one night in the romantic place have some dinner and that's it. But he just answered that I should not cause any headache.

I am really confused now. I do not know if I am really and egoist or jealous, coz as far as I know I am trying to understand our situation and keep our relationship alive.

I look forward to your advices. Please enlighten my confused mind.

Thank you and kind regards,
Shine_angel

 

[growtogether]

Hello,
does your husband only see his son during his vacation time? You said he lives with his mom, right?
Because if it's the case, I can understand the need of your husband to have his son there.
What about week nights for you to have a romantic night?

 

[Shine_angel]

My hubby is working in the other country from time to time. When he is here everyday he can see his son after school. And when he is here in the house, he is busy with his work. I understand he wants his son always, but for a celebration of wedding anniversary, I prefer only the two of us. I believe, this is our first anniversary so we have to celebrate without his son... On the other hand, he mentioned previously that If I will ask him to choose I do not have any chance... and I answered to him that of course he has to choose his son coz they have the same blood. Also, it is not in my mind to ask him to choose coz I understand and I am already matured to realize that.

I already asked him to have one night somewhere but I think I cannot it is not possible anymore coz he said he is too busy.

Anyways, thank you for your advice and hope I can find an enlightenment in my mind.

Thanks

 

[Jane_Doe]

Whether you guys realise it or not, you got married and now you're just as much 'family' as he and his son are. He shouldn't need to 'choose', he should be able to arrange his commitments to both of you so you both feel like a priority. If he outright says he'd always choose his son first, tell him he should celebrate his wedding anniversary by going away on a weekend with just him and his son. You can pamper yourself at a spa and enjoy the single life every time he fails to recognise you as family.

 

[Shine_angel]

Hmmm.... what a nice idea! You made me laugh with your words Jane_Doe... You have the point. Why I have to cry and be sad if I can pamper myself alone. I will consider your thoughts, then

 

[ubercoolpanda]

How old is the son?
Posted via Mobile Device

 

[Shine_angel]

He is 8 years old.

 

[turnera]

The thing is, you are TEACHING your husband that you come second, by agreeing with him. If I were you, I would just say "I will not get in the way between you and your son. But if you choose him over me on the ONE event of the year that should be about YOU AND ME, I will take that as a sign that you do not love me. And I will move back home and we will get divorced."