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Has anyone else ever gone through something like this? I know that I need to move on..

My close and dear friend dated, fell in love with, and married a man much like your ex. He beat her up while drunk/high. He apologized, admitted he had mental health issues, swore he'd get help. She stayed.

The 2nd time he beat her up he put her in the hospital. She divorced him. She got a PPO (restraining order/personal protection order).

Months later they started talking again. They reconciled. They even got re-married. Since there were kids involved, hers from a previous marriage, they delayed their honeymoon by a month or so and were only able to get away for a long weekend at a hotel not too far from home. She called her sister and the friend who was babysitting every evening to say hi, check on the kids, and tell them she loved them. Then she didn't call one night. Her family and the babysitter became concerned. Her sister called the hotel and then the local police.

The police went to do a wellness check.

February 8, 2010 she was found dead of multiple stab wounds. Her name was Cassandra. Cassie.

Her husband was arrested 1 day later and convicted of her murder. He is currently serving 35 years in prison.

Her 4 children are now adults. I keep in touch with her oldest, who is now 25. Cassie has 3 grandchildren she will never know and who will never know her.

Cassie and her sister were very close. Cassie's sissy was pregnant when she died. Cass loved kids and couldn't wait for her sister to have her baby. Now, he'll never know his Aunt, who anticipated his arrival with such joy.

We all hated him. We all told her to stay the **** away from that POS manipulative mentally defective absolute waste of carbon. She didn't listen and now she's ashes in a crypt.
 

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To answer a few comments.

Yes I had a father that was in my life. He has passed away now. He also had a mental illness and was violent towards my mother, who stayed with him a lot longer than she should have. When she finally got rid of him, he snapped one night in anger and tried to hunt her down, unsuccessfully. He did however find me and held a screwdriver to my throat as I was crying because he wanted to find her, which he didn’t.

My ex husband was also verbally and emotionally abusive (which I think is the main reason for my sons issues...yes, I have him in therapy and everything). He use to put holes in the walls, spit in my face and call me terrible names and even attacked me a couple of times.

Over the years, I have had boyfriends that were also similar in their actions (stalking and such) but I dealt with that a lot easier because I lacked an emotional connection, so it was easier.

I just feel like a target. I have stayed single for long periods of time and am in therapy because I have PTSD from the violence I have experienced over my lifetime.

I want to break this cycle so badly, but when it comes down to everything, I am just so weak....burned out.

I need something to change but I cannot find it.


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Ah, do I, or do I not write this??

OK, I do, will do, done do it.

.............................................................

In general and in a few army privates, a women marries her Sun.

Huh?

That is incest.

No, she marries what her Sun represents in her natal horoscope.
Specifically, where it is and what aspects it receives from other planetary bodies and 'points'.
Yadda, and Mrs. Yadda.

Anywho, any you, this is often the case. Ladies find those men who resemble their Sun and marry them, often times.
For good or bad...

Men marry their Moon. Especially if they like the shape of it. Kidding, kidding!
The Moon represents one's mother and women in one's life. The Sun for women.

No,no, nothing in life is so sure, every time, always the same, ironclad truth.

This is where human and interactive chemistry comes into play.

No one forces you to marry such a man or women. It is that sort of man or women who 'magically' show up in your life. As if they are drawn to you. Fate has a way of putting 'them' in your path.

And, of course you accept this as good and nice, or as an inescapable flaw in your 'picking' men personality.

Since your Sun is afflicted, marry some other planet or aspect!
Huh?

Yes, I am serious, and no I am not nuts.
Uh, let's not vote on it!

Sigh..

Just Sayin'





[THM]- THRD
 

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There is only one place for men like those described in this thread and it isn't in your heart or bed.

The Halls of the dead wait hungrily for these worthless men.

My fingers itch for their throats.

My knife is for their hearts.

Growing up while watching men beat, rape and otherwise abuse my mother and sisters and myself has left me negative tolerance for this horse ****.

I can still see the belt wrapped around my mother's neck while the waste of skin strangled her from behind.

I was 12 and I didn't know what to do.

I became hard and cold. A year later, I knocked him out with one punch.

A year after that, I came a fraction of a second from killing him after stopping him from strangling my little sister in his rape attempt.

Get your head checked OP.

You are as sick as the bastard who did this to you and your family doesn't deserve to be put through your madness any longer.

Get help and get well.
 

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Jesus Christ.

Please listen to all the kind folks advising you to safely break this off, no contact, etc.

No one is perfect but recognize this is a huge mistake to be fixed. Then have a great life.

I personally and up close observed and endured this in my life's journey.

They 100% repeat, yet everyone thinks "they got the one that really will never do that again" until the violence and destructive behavior happens again.

Pls re-read the above paragraph.

Save yourself and family.
 

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To answer a few comments.

Yes I had a father that was in my life. He has passed away now. He also had a mental illness and was violent towards my mother, who stayed with him a lot longer than she should have. When she finally got rid of him, he snapped one night in anger and tried to hunt her down, unsuccessfully. He did however find me and held a screwdriver to my throat as I was crying because he wanted to find her, which he didn’t.

My ex husband was also verbally and emotionally abusive (which I think is the main reason for my sons issues...yes, I have him in therapy and everything). He use to put holes in the walls, spit in my face and call me terrible names and even attacked me a couple of times.

Over the years, I have had boyfriends that were also similar in their actions (stalking and such) but I dealt with that a lot easier because I lacked an emotional connection, so it was easier.

I just feel like a target. I have stayed single for long periods of time and am in therapy because I have PTSD from the violence I have experienced over my lifetime.

I want to break this cycle so badly, but when it comes down to everything, I am just so weak....burned out.

I need something to change but I cannot find it.
Yes. You can.

There is something in you that is attracted to men like this. It probably goes back to your horrible childhood experience with your father. I read in a book that as adults we have a tendency to recreate the bad things we saw and experienced as children in an attempt to "fix" the situation and "get it right" this time. I don't know if that's true but it made sense to me.

I'm in my 50's and I too have done a terrible job of picking men historically. (I seem to have had a thing for narcissists.) But never ONCE in my life have I had a man hit me or turn violent on me in any way. Never once have I ever felt physically unsafe or threatened by any man I've dated or been with romantically. And while I've had arguments, never once has any man I've been with cussed me out or spit at me or called me names. I swear, the idea is literally inconceivable to me.

Yes, I know it happens. Apparently a lot. But a grown man striking a woman or child is simply inconceivable to me, and I'm guessing I'm in no way drawn to that. It's just not a part of my world. And it doesn't HAVE to be a part of yours either. But you probably need PROFESSIONAL help to get to the bottom of this. Human beings are very complicated and as you are experiencing, knowing something is not right and is dangerous does not shut off your desire for it.

Please get some real help for yourself. I hope you tell this man you cannot see him anymore. And I hope he does not know where you live. When you tell him, be prepared (self defense wise) for his nice, loving, caring facade to slip away. He could become a dangerous stalker.
 

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New, you may have been able to get away the last time but you may not get away from his violence the next time, he is a time bomb and it will go off and the next time he will kill you make no mistake about that, in his mind he will think "if i can't have you no one will". Please stop this right now because you are currently your worse enemy. Get this bad boy mentality out of your head and grow up you have a family that needs you. This is not a movie this is your life and you are playing with fire.
 

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Discussion Starter #27
Well, thank you everyone for a the words of support. Seeing them has really helped.

I know my man picker is broken. It always has been. Through counselling I have learned that I have normalized abuse because I was surrounded by it as a child and I grew up believing that it was normal and became accustomed to it and accepting of it.

I don’t trust myself or my decision making when it comes to men at all. It always starts and then ends the same. I find someone that seems absolutely perfect for me. Things are wonderful between us and he seems just too good to be true. Then slowly the red flags start popping up here and there, usually just minor things that I am not too concerned about. Things start to intensify and the red flags get bigger and bigger, but by the time this happens I am in love and make excuses to myself for it and then everything just blows up in my face.
I then take the time to sit back and reflect upon everything that has happened and then usually make the decision to end things.
Some time passes. I am not upset anymore and I am moving on with my life. He reaches out to me and stupid me agrees to talk to him. Things are then back on, things are good for a while but then things start to go bad again but much quicker and more intensely. REPEAT, REPEAT, REPEAT.

I need to stop allowing to let things go too far. I need to pay more attention to the red flags when they start popping up. I need to be less forgiving.

I have so much work that I need to do on myself. I have done it before and I can do it again.
I need to go back to the local women’s shelter and register myself in another abuse recovery group and I need to do it fast before I get myself involved with this man again and I need to just stay away from men completely, at least until I am completely healed and have the emotional strength to be able to say goodbye if and when those red flags start popping up and try to fix my broken man picker.

I also need to get over my ex. We were apart for 3 years and I did not get over him and he did not get over me. He is an addiction and I need to end that.



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There is only one place for men like those described in this thread and it isn't in your heart or bed.

The Halls of the dead wait hungrily for these worthless men.
I'm glad you said it.
 

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Ah, do I, or do I not write this??

OK, I do, will do, done do it.

.............................................................

In general and in a few army privates, a women marries her Sun.

Huh?

That is incest.

No, she marries what her Sun represents in her natal horoscope.
Specifically, where it is and what aspects it receives from other planetary bodies and 'points'.
Yadda, and Mrs. Yadda.

Anywho, any you, this is often the case. Ladies find those men who resemble their Sun and marry them, often times.
For good or bad...

Men marry their Moon. Especially if they like the shape of it. Kidding, kidding!
The Moon represents one's mother and women in one's life. The Sun for women.

No,no, nothing in life is so sure, every time, always the same, ironclad truth.

This is where human and interactive chemistry comes into play.

No one forces you to marry such a man or women. It is that sort of man or women who 'magically' show up in your life. As if they are drawn to you. Fate has a way of putting 'them' in your path.

And, of course you accept this as good and nice, or as an inescapable flaw in your 'picking' men personality.

Since your Sun is afflicted, marry some other planet or aspect!
Huh?

Yes, I am serious, and no I am not nuts.
Uh, let's not vote on it!

Sigh..

Just Sayin'





[THM]- THRD


Men are the sun, but Jupiter is the husband.
 

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Find a Codependents Anonymous support group nearby and go several times a week until you have broken your addiction to him. He is BAD for you. At the CA group you will learn to love yourself and be your own best friend and protector.
This is excellent advice. It sounds like you have a pattern of choosing people who abuse you, and there is something that is keeping this cycle going. I have a friend who recognized this pattern in herself, and she has spent several years purposely single while she does her own personal work. I really think that was the only way she was going to break the pattern. You seem to have a very high need to be with someone, anyone. That isn't help the period
 

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Men are the sun, but Jupiter is the husband.
Works for me....if.

Jupiter is in the seventh house or has rulership of, or strong aspect to 7th house cusp, or planet therein.

Generally this..





[THM]-
 

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I can't add much more than all of the other posters except to say that I'm sending prayers that you distance yourself from him, continue therapy, and learn to stand on your own until you can choose someone you can love who will give you real love in return and not dysfunction and violence.
 

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It always starts and then ends the same. I find someone that seems absolutely perfect for me. Things are wonderful between us and he seems just too good to be true...
New You -- this right here is your proof that no matter what it FEELS like right now, this man is NOT unique. PLEASE read that article TBT posted for you. It made so much sense to me, hopefully it will resonate with you and help you step back from your intense feelings right now.


I need to go back to the local women’s shelter and register myself in another abuse recovery group and I need to do it fast.
Please do ASAP. I am so glad to read that you have that support system and know how to get to it.

I also need to get over my ex. We were apart for 3 years and I did not get over him and he did not get over me. He is an addiction and I need to end that.
Hopefully getting some support and a better understanding of what's going on here will end the "addiction," but in the meantime, just abstain. Cold Turkey.
 

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My close and dear friend dated, fell in love with, and married a man much like your ex. He beat her up while drunk/high. He apologized... Months later they started talking again...The police went to do a wellness check....We all told her to stay the **** away from that POS...She didn't listen and now she's ashes in a crypt.

Oh MJJEAJ - what a heartbreaking story.
 

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Oh MJJEAJ - what a heartbreaking story.
I miss her. Her parents miss her. Her kids miss her. Other old friends I occasionally talk to still miss her, too.
@a_new_me If you can't break this addiction for yourself, then do it for those that love you.
 
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