I love my husband

1982 Views 17 Replies 12 Participants Last post by Mevans, Oct 27, 2012

Mevans

Discussion Starter · Oct 26, 2012

My husband and I have been together for over 8 years and married for 6. He is my best friend. However lately I have been feeling that something is missing in our relationship. I ran into a man that I had a relationship with just prior to me meeting my husband a few weeks ago. Since then I can stop thinking about him. To be honest, I have never completely stopped thinking of him. He was my first everything. He will always hold a special place in my heart. Me and my ex never ended badly, we just had a casual relationship in which we were in love but I decided to end things when I met my now husband because I wanted more. I wasn't sure my ex would be able to provide me with what I wanted. Though he said he wanted too. I didn't believe he could. My husband and I have a beautiful child, we are very open and honest with each other. But I am afraid we may have grown apart. I feel so guilty that I still think about my ex. It probably doesn't help that my ex told me that he is still in love with me and expressed how he should of done more when he had me. I don't think I am feeling this way just because of our meeting. I have never had him out of my mind. I don't know if this is normal? Are there any women out there who have had these same feelings? If so please tell me how you dealt with these feelings. Thanks

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KathyBatesel

· #2 · Oct 26, 2012

I think your feelings are normal. I went through something similar when a man called me after twenty-five years and professed that he was still in love with me just before I remarried. He'd been important to me at that time of my life, and when we went our separate ways, it was with affection and promises on his part, but I couldn't promise to wait for him and in fact, didn't.

What you do with your feelings is what matters. You have a relationship that works with someone you love. Even though you feel you've grown apart (which ironically, sounds like lack of effort like this OM did to you) there's plenty of reason to focus on your marriage and help it come back together instead of chasing a dream with someone who didn't step up to the plate when he had a chance. You have to decide what this all means to you, but I hope you'll decide in favor of your marriage and the vows you made to it.

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Emerald

· #3 · Oct 26, 2012

You can't control your feelings. However, what you can control are your behaviors & actions regarding your feelings.

It sounds like you had your feelings for your ex under control but seeing him makes you question your marriage.

Table the ex. Work on your marriage, yourself & being the best parent possible for your child.

Good luck!

norajane

· #4 · Oct 26, 2012

On the one hand, you've got a "7 year itch" thing happening...you love your hubby but things have gotten a bit dull, you've let your romance dwindle to kids/home/job sameness. And then on the other, you have the fantasy of "what could have been" with your ex to imagine and mull over.

The thing is, you can't compare fantasies and what-if's to real life. Had you married your ex, well, all kinds of things could have happened, but you were right in that he couldn't give you what you wanted. He admits he wasn't trying that hard. So, you would have divorced at worst, and at best, you'd be right where you are now with your husband...kids, a little bored with each other.

Imagine losing your husband to someone else. Imagine if he ran into an ex and started fantasizing about life with her. How does that make you feel? Relieved? Indifferent? Jealous?

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windmill

· #5 · Oct 26, 2012

Cheat on your husband........with your husband!

Use this encounter as spark to reignite your marriage!

May just be what is needed to rekindle what has died down over the years in your loving real relationship with your husband.

homebuilder

· #6 · Oct 26, 2012

I think your first love always in kinda special. Doesn't mean they were best for you or you for them. I would'nt beat myself up to much over this I think its pretty normal.

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norajane

· #7 · Oct 26, 2012

windmill said:
Cheat on your husband........with your husband!

Use this encounter as spark to reignite your marriage!

May just be what is needed to rekindle what has died down over the years in your loving real relationship with your husband.

:iagree:

There are a couple of cheap paperbacks you can get on Amazon - "Light Her Fire" and "Light His Fire". There are some good suggestions on things you can do for each other that you probably used to do naturally when you first met, but tend to dwindle away after years together. Doing those things again can help you stir up the passion between you because you start to see each other in a different light (or the light that you used to see).

Mevans

Discussion Starter · #8 · Oct 27, 2012

Thank you all for the responses. I do appreciate them. My husband and I have had a good talk about all of this and I believe that we are finally on the same page in our feelings. I do think we all hold a special place in our hearts for are first loves. Marriage is very important to me and my husband. When we took our vows I meant every word of them. He is my best friend! Thank you all again!

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Decorum

· #9 · Oct 27, 2012

These are all really helpful posts.
Ladies this " He will always have a special place in my heart"
Seems like such a landmine to me, I am not doubting you, and if I were looking for a LTR this would really concern me about your past. But my question is (sorry about the hj) was the man sincere?
Call me cynical but (as a man) I see these guys as opportunistic, and not having the same unfulfilled love interest (can we call it that) as these/you ladies. What say ye?
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Mevans

Discussion Starter · #10 · Oct 27, 2012

I am new to this... What does LTR and hj mean? Him and I had something very intense and special at the time. I am not a gullible girl. But to answer your question, yes I believe that he was very sincere. But its irrelevant what he is feeling. Like I said earlier, this is something that has been on my mind for the last 8 years. He did not influence this. I am a married woman. I take that extremely serious. I just wanted to see if other woman had similar feelings. Its just confusing at times.

CanadianGuy

· #11 · Oct 27, 2012

Mevans said:
I am new to this... What does LTR and hj mean? Him and I had something very intense and special at the time. I am not a gullible girl. But to answer your question, yes I believe that he was very sincere. But its irrelevant what he is feeling. Like I said earlier, this is something that has been on my mind for the last 8 years. He did not influence this. I am a married woman. I take that extremely serious. I just wanted to see if other woman had similar feelings. Its just confusing at times.

LTR= Long Term Relationship

hj in this context = hijack ( as in hijack this thread )

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Decorum

· #12 · Oct 27, 2012 (Edited)

Mevans,
Thanks for the reply, I get that and believe you, You can see your situation repeated here over and again, a recent thread, Has a young single mom who marries a sucessful man a nd cheats on him 6 times in the first months with a loser past boyfriend that was "soul matish for her" he (old boyfriend) dumpted her but she ws answering booty calls, her husband was crushed, they are divorcing, its so sad, he knowingly dammaged her marriage, but I think it was horniness/lust on his part and infatuation /unfulfilled love on hers. These happen here all the time.

I guess my answer is that some % is just looking for a sex partner on mens part and some to recapture an old flame. I guess (being a man) i just think most of these are the first, I have never contacted an old ex anything, so that may just be me.

I really respect you for how you have handeled it,
the stories that go bad for this reason are many and sad.

It was a bit of a tj because I was off topic of your original post, I have been wanting to start a thread asking some of these things maybe ill get to that.
(Yes tj is a thread jack or high jack and LTR is as said above)

Read some of these threads and see the damage it causes.
It will strengthen your resolve, if you need help to find ask and we can post some links.
You are doing the right thing, good for you.

Take care!
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Shaggy

· #13 · Oct 27, 2012

Since you've chosen to be with your husband, I hope you realize that exBF needs to go safely back into the past. Ongoing contact will harm your marriage because even the littie contact you've had has prompted both of you to cross boundaries that are not appropriate.

You've begun sounding mental time evaluating the ex as a potential future relationship partner.

The ex has told you intimidate feelings whose only purpose when you really think about it, are to get you to have an affair with him. They arent noble in anyway, they are entirely an invitation to cheat with him.

He is openly threatening your marriage.

End forever all contact with this guy.

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Caribbean Man

· #14 · Oct 27, 2012

Shaggy said:
Since you've chosen to be with your husband, I hope you realize that exBF needs to go safely back into the past. Ongoing contact will harm your marriage because even the littie contact you've had has prompted both of you to cross boundaries that are not appropriate.

You've begun sounding mental time evaluating the ex as a potential future relationship partner.

The ex has told you intimidate feelings whose only purpose when you really think about it, are to get you to have an affair with him. They arent noble in anyway, they are entirely an invitation to cheat with him.

He is openly threatening your marriage.

End forever all contact with this guy.

:iagree: x 1000

I really don't understand or accept that notion about
" first loves " and all the fairy tale crap that goes with it. You ex boyfriend is your ex boyfriend for a reason. Only a fool will sacrifice their future for a piece of rubbish they dumped in the past.

Put all your emotional energy into your marriage and that
" seven year itch " will simply disappear.

Just for you I dedicate one of my favorite songs;

Escape. Rupert Holmes [ The Pina Colada Song]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QVdhZwK7cS8

Hope you get the message.

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I'mInLoveWithMyHubby

· #15 · Oct 27, 2012

I made a long post twice, but I deleted it. I didn't want to sound mean in any way.

I honestly do not believe that our first loves or any exes should have a special place in our heart. My husband is the only MAN who has this special place. This is how I feel and my opinion. My husband is number one and he is my "king". I am his queen. I'm truly in love with my husband. There is no other man who can compare to him.

You are entitled to your feelings and they are neither right or wrong.

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Caribbean Man

· #16 · Oct 27, 2012

I'mInLoveWithMyHubby said:
I honestly do not believe that our first loves or any exes should have a special place in our heart. My husband is the only MAN who has this special place.

:smthumbup::smthumbup::smthumbup:

Ant that's how its supposed to be. Opening your heart/ feelings for your ex is asking for trouble.

SimplyAmorous

· #17 · Oct 27, 2012

Mevans said:
My husband and I have been together for over 8 years and married for 6. He is my best friend. However lately I have been feeling that something is missing in our relationship. .....

My husband and I have a beautiful child, we are very open and honest with each other. But I am afraid we may have grown apart. I feel so guilty that I still think about my ex.

You NEED to shake things up and have an affair with your husband, create some new memories, look back upon what you have built with your husband, focus your attention here ... I recommend this book >>>

Kosher Adultery: Seduce and Sin with Your Spouse: >>>

Husbands must turn their wives into mistresses and wives must make their husbands lovers. Jealousy, the strongest of all human emotions, can create erotic desire in the minds of husbands and wives suffering from waning attraction. Extracting the principal ingredients of an affair and transplanting them into marriage is the secret to countering the effects of familiarity and routine.

Mevans

Discussion Starter · #18 · Oct 27, 2012

Thank you for your help!

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