I need to get this out of my mind! It's so hard!
Last month, I've had the best opportunity, amazing pay, benefits, amazing team, remote job; exactly what I wanted! It was just perfect and I was so excited about the position!!! I spent 4 weeks for the interview process, conducted design challenges, passed everything and got an offer letter!!!
I was so happy, so I immediately quit my job after receiving the offer.
My husband gave me terrible advices that actually led the company to cancel the job offer. And I lost both my old job (because I quit) and this new job. Since then, I've been totally depressed and I blame it all on him and find it very hard to forgive him.
I am from France and I came to the united-states 5 years ago. Since then, I've been working as a baby-sitter and I conducted a bootcamp in San Francisco in Web Design. I got my certification and after the bootcamp I got my first web designer job! (in 2020), for 2 years, I was working as freelancer and small companies. Nothing really serious but it gave me good experience for my resume. My last job was a contractor position and I really didn't like the company and was mentally abused by the CEO.
I needed to get out of there as soon as possible. My husband was aware of that; therefore he suggested that I should lie on my resume to get a new job. I first thought that it was not a good idea but he insured me that they wouldn't check. Because he is American and has experience working here; I trusted him! So I added to my resume that I have a Bachelor.
While I was still working for the company, I applied to another position which this time was a full-time employee position with a good salary and amazing culture! It was a dream job for me. During the interview process they never mentioned the bachelor so I thought I was good. In fact, I don't think they actually care. They were very impressed about my previous work, my portfolio and my design challenge! They loved me! After 4 weeks of interviews, design challenge... they offered my the position (still didn't mentioned my bachelor at that time). So, I quit and started my onboarding process. They sent me a laptop, an iPhone and I thought I was good to go! At that time, my husband was telling me "see, I told you they wouldn't check".
However, few days after I quit my job, the company used a third party company to conduct a background check and I had to enter all the information (old addresses, education, previous jobs...). I started to freak out (will they check my education?), but my husband told me they wouldn't check the education and that this was only to check my police record. So I asked my husband again, "are you sure?", "should I add the bachelor into the third party website?" and he said yes, He also said that they couldn't check my education because I added a bachelor from France (since i from there). And again, I trusted him, I thought he knew what he was talking about. This was the first time I went into this process (all my previous job was contractors and never conducted a bg check), BUT my husband went into this process multiple times before so I trusted him.
So I entered a SECOND time that I have a bachelor into the third party website this time. (that was the second terrible advice).
After 2 days, HR contacted me and told me that they had trouble verifying my Bachelor and asked me to send her a copy of it.
I was terrified, stressed and didn't know what to do. I was so mad at my husband for telling me to put a fake bachelor, I never lie. I'm not a liar and being in this position was so stressful to me. I felt so embarrassed.
I kept crying and didn't respond to HR. At that point, I didn't want to talk to my husband and I did was I thought was best. I called the hiring manager and told him the truth. I cried a lot out of stress and he was not expecting that. The first thing he told me was "did you add the bachelor into the third party website?" and of course, I did. He said that unfortunately he can't do much since it is into the background check process now.
I truly believe that if I didn't enter the bachelor a second time, they wouldn't care. Because during the entire process, they never mentioned my bachelor but after I added it into the background check process it was in the system.
The next day, the manager emailed me and told me he had to canceled my offer.
I was devastated;, after all the hard work I put into the process, I had nothing left. No job and no new job. I was suddenly unemployed and had to start from the beginning.
I know that it is not entirely the fault of my husband and I the end of the day I made the choice to lie too. But for me, as a foreigner, he was my reference. If we were in France, I will make sure to give him the best advices based on my experience so he can get the best outcome. I know he wanted me to get the job and he did not do that on purpose. But that was such a dumb advice that I don't understand. It's like he didn't think about it and just talked without thinking about the consequences. Because he went into this background check process before, I haven't, so he knows they check everything. But for some reason, he thought they wouldn't for me.
It's been a month now and I can't get it out of my mind. I blame him everyday and I can't forgive him!!!
Am I wrong to put the blame on him? Am I over reacting?
Thank you for reading.