Stop calling him.
It's undignified.
It's undignified.
I left... :(
So, after my husband's nonstop cheating, I left the house. I now live with my parents and little brother. It took me a while to get to this point. We have been married 5 years, together 4 years, no kids.. Over the years, he's flirted with other women when he's unhappy over the phone, through text/dating apps. I would get the usual I'm sorry, it won't happen again. This past year, he started physically cheating with a list of women. I was STD tested two times. He thought he got one of them pregnant; she's not pregnant. So, with therapy by my side, I finally built up, okay.. even though we just got this house together, I'm ready to go. I left the house and moved in with my parents a few days ago. It sucks because everything is filthy at my parents'. Although I love my family, everything stinks. I have 2 candles and a wax warmer going at all times in the room I'm sleeping in, in hopes that my things won't start to smell. No matter how much I scrub the bathroom, I simply don't feel clean there. The roof is leaking, and my step dad is working around the house now that I'm there. My mom is angry because he's now doing things around the house to try to make me feel comfortable, things she's been begging him to do for years. It is so gross there that I shower at a gas station before work. I pay $15 per day to shower at the truck stop/gas station. I feel clean when I leave from there. They don't pick up anything. Their idea of clean is not clean. I miss the house where I lived because I was comfortable there. I can't stay there though because my husband was beginning to take off from work just so he could fuss at me about how he knows I'm leaving and would not let me rest until I answered any questions he had. My therapist straight up told me it's not going to work between us because he blames me for everything; he blames me for the infidelity. Anything he does wrong, it's my fault. He says come home and he says he's already started changing. Sometimes I want to. Sometimes I don't.
We tried couples therapy, and he and the therapist kept getting into it. He kept taking what she was saying personally and getting offended. She wasn't out to get us; she was trying to help us. I told him that it would be nice if he would go for one on one therapy to heal from what he's gone through in the past. I am in one on one therapy now, but I can't force him to make the appointment. My therapist told me it's best to not force him to do one on one. He has to make that step on his own.
I walked in a grocery store yesterday and felt free for the first time to choose what ever toothpaste I wanted. My therapist said that it will be the little things, the fact that I'm able to find myself. I am also a person who has always jumped from one relationship to the next. It would be ideal if my husband would change and just treat me right. Then, we could have our happily ever after together, and we won't have to go through the divorce. I have a lawyer, but if he does change, how would I know if we don't live together? Sometimes I doubt my decisions. Sometimes, I am happy I chose to leave. Sometimes, it feels like someone else is speaking for me and I wonder if I can trust myself to make these decisions. I'm a big question mark right now. I pray that I get this promotion I applied for at work so that I can have the money to move back to the city where I work and be under a roof that is clean.
We tried couples therapy, and he and the therapist kept getting into it. He kept taking what she was saying personally and getting offended. She wasn't out to get us; she was trying to help us. I told him that it would be nice if he would go for one on one therapy to heal from what he's gone through in the past. I am in one on one therapy now, but I can't force him to make the appointment. My therapist told me it's best to not force him to do one on one. He has to make that step on his own.
I walked in a grocery store yesterday and felt free for the first time to choose what ever toothpaste I wanted. My therapist said that it will be the little things, the fact that I'm able to find myself. I am also a person who has always jumped from one relationship to the next. It would be ideal if my husband would change and just treat me right. Then, we could have our happily ever after together, and we won't have to go through the divorce. I have a lawyer, but if he does change, how would I know if we don't live together? Sometimes I doubt my decisions. Sometimes, I am happy I chose to leave. Sometimes, it feels like someone else is speaking for me and I wonder if I can trust myself to make these decisions. I'm a big question mark right now. I pray that I get this promotion I applied for at work so that I can have the money to move back to the city where I work and be under a roof that is clean.
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The lady looked like she was on something! It was so heart breaking to see that he's taking advantage of women on the streets. She had a bag with her and she was sitting in a weird way like something was wrong with her.
I feel better. I think I just needed a minute. It was shocking to see lol I'm glad I'm gone
Sounds like maybe you still had some hope until you saw that. You shouldn’t have (if you did) He’s played you for a long time and hope is what has allowed him to do that.
I wondered if I would have the story that some people tell, that miraculously their spouse changed and decided to do right, go to therapy, and all of that good jazz. That's not going to be my story.Sounds like maybe you still had some hope until you saw that. You shouldn’t have (if you did) He’s played you for a long time and hope is what has allowed him to do that.
Who tells that story?I wondered if I would have the story that some people tell, that miraculously their spouse changed and decided to do right, go to therapy, and all of that good jazz. That's not going to be my story.
That pretty much never happens. Scumbags usually remain scumbags and unicorns don't exist.
I'm glad you now have proof.
It might take a month to refinance, if you have to wait for an appraisal. Everything else is pretty quick. Three months is plenty of time to get it done.In time for him to keep the house. I imagine he would have anywhere from 3-6 months to refinance
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I doubt that’s the story of more than a very few when it comes to dealing with a serial cheater. I was married to one for decades and, just like you, I hoped he would change. Never happened. Serial cheaters will continue to make a fool of you as long as you let them.I wondered if I would have the story that some people tell, that miraculously their spouse changed and decided to do right, go to therapy, and all of that good jazz. That's not going to be my story.
I was able to talk directly to my attorney yesterday. She said to put the video of him on a flash drive and to give him her name number and address of the law firm. She said that if he needs anything else or has any questions, he can call her. I gave him her number and he instantly started texting me that she's a b** and he's not willing to negotiate with my attorney and that he'll only negotiate with me by myself. She said we'll get him served next week and she bumped up my appointment to Monday!!! My heart skipped a beat when she said that! I'm so glad she was able to hear how nasty he's been to me. I hate that he's doing it to her though. She did say that we're going to sue him for adultery. She said that he doesn't get the wedding rings back because they were gifts. She said that I'm entitled to every penny I put into the house, too, and that he'll have to pay that back. My step dad said he'll cosign with me on my car if I need a cosigner to keep my car, too. Then, it will be time for the final step, get my own place! I'm so close, just have to keep pushing.
Sadly, @Openminded is right. Serial cheaters rarely change for the better. Counting on a miracle is not a good stategy for long-term well-being.
I'm glad things are moving forward for you. Please block your husband. He has nothing good to say to you. He says he will only negotiate with you, but what that translates to is that he knows he cannot bully your attorney and is hoping that he can bully you into what he wants. He doesn't really want to negotiate at all. Furthermore, there is nothing to negotiate. He's going to get what the judge says he gets and that's it.
It's possible that you may be able to get back what you put into the house, if you live in a state where adultery still matters.
I'm glad things are moving forward for you. Please block your husband. He has nothing good to say to you. He says he will only negotiate with you, but what that translates to is that he knows he cannot bully your attorney and is hoping that he can bully you into what he wants. He doesn't really want to negotiate at all. Furthermore, there is nothing to negotiate. He's going to get what the judge says he gets and that's it.
It's possible that you may be able to get back what you put into the house, if you live in a state where adultery still matters.
Hey. I've been avoiding coming on here because I made a dumb decision. I am back on track with the divorce, but I couldn't handle living with my parents. I went back to the house and he talked me into stopping the divorce. Then, he cheated again. I am still in the house with him but I've started the divorce proceedings again. I am not going to back down this time. I want to stay in the house as long as I can and I asked my lawyer to have a cohabitation contract to protect myself. If he won't agree to all of the terms, I will just tell the court to let us sell the house. He even quit his job. He does Lyft and Uber now. He started smoking and he got hurt on the job. The wanted to drug test him. He took the test then quit the same day. He was making $30 an hour but at this point, I don't even care anymore. I am lucky I don't have kids with him. Now, he's saying he is changing and I don't see it. I told him that when I look at him, all I see is the women he's been with. He's literally been buying prostitutes, and I have screenshots of everything. I made a huge mistake stopping the divorce, but it's never too late. I'm going to get my divorce. I'm over whatever this is. This is not a marriage though. I am constantly put down if I don't reciprocate the affection or don't go on the date. It feels like mental abuse but it's my own fault for going back.
Sorry lady but that was completely insane.
What a horrible idea.
You can go on Craigslist and rent a room in a house with some old people for next to nothing.
I can’t believe you slipped up this bad.
What a horrible idea.
You can go on Craigslist and rent a room in a house with some old people for next to nothing.
I can’t believe you slipped up this bad.
You are no longer a victim.
You are a willing participant.
You are a willing participant.
The reality of his actions have finally gotten to him.So, I'm pretty much answering my own questions. I'm a mess. Lol I just spoke with him and the more that we talk about a divorce, the more he's like why are you trying to rush the divorce? He's like I thought you wanted to work on us. I mean? If he wanted to change and he does love me he would not have cheated all those times and watched me cry week after week in therapy while he went out with other women after.
He has no plan, he is trying to climb out of the mess he created.
The man is selfish, shallow and has no empathy (normal cares) for others.
Another dude that thinks his poop does not stink.
Such, a user.
Of course, she has taken his side.I wasn't trying to get money from the house initially. I was just going to let him take it. My lawyer suggested that he give me back all of the money I put into the house because of his infidelities. She said she was going to try to get me back what ever she could. At this point, I am kind of tired of it all. I just want to be done with the situation, and his mom texted me to tell me I am deranged. I told my therapist. She said I'm not.
He has lied about what is happening between you two.
Ya, think.
She raised him to be the selfish liar that he is.
She is still coddling him.
Yep, blood is thicker than any relative truth.
I would disagree.My ex cried crocodile tears too.
But he never cared about what bothered me....he didn't want his own life turned over.
I hear his snotty daughter who never included me in anything cried too, but I suspect that's because she realized she was going to have to deal with him with me gone.
Tears don't necessarily have anything to do with giving a rat's behind about you.
True tears are the one honest thing that liars cannot easily fabricate.
They originate from the subconscious, and are therefor uncontrollable.
They can be those chickens come home to roost and then let loose pee on their mistakes.
Tears can be viewed as consequences, if nothing else.
Yes, it was a VERY BAD decision for yourself....but it was predictable because you have always stayed with him, even knowing everything he's done. So going back to him was bound to happen.Hey. I've been avoiding coming on here because I made a dumb decision. I am back on track with the divorce, but I couldn't handle living with my parents. I went back to the house and he talked me into stopping the divorce. Then, he cheated again. I am still in the house with him but I've started the divorce proceedings again. I am not going to back down this time. I want to stay in the house as long as I can and I asked my lawyer to have a cohabitation contract to protect myself. If he won't agree to all of the terms, I will just tell the court to let us sell the house. He even quit his job. He does Lyft and Uber now. He started smoking and he got hurt on the job. The wanted to drug test him. He took the test then quit the same day. He was making $30 an hour but at this point, I don't even care anymore. I am lucky I don't have kids with him. Now, he's saying he is changing and I don't see it. I told him that when I look at him, all I see is the women he's been with. He's literally been buying prostitutes, and I have screenshots of everything. I made a huge mistake stopping the divorce, but it's never too late. I'm going to get my divorce. I'm over whatever this is. This is not a marriage though. I am constantly put down if I don't reciprocate the affection or don't go on the date. It feels like mental abuse but it's my own fault for going back.
You need to think about WHY...what is it that keeps you going back?? I believe there is a part of you that craves this drama with him, because it's how you feel wanted by him, and connected to him.
But what you MUST realize is that this is SO TOXIC for you, and it will NEVER END with him.
THIS IS WHO HE IS. He doesn't love you with real love, he is probably also toxically attached to you as well, even though he doesn't really want only you.
So as long as you stay with him, you will be put down, lied to, cheated on. If you decide to stay and keep accepting that from him, that is what you will get. THERE IS NO HAPPY ENDING HERE. He will never change, because he doesn't want to. So if you stay with him, then you are telling him and yourself (and everyone else) that it's ok with you that he treats you that way.
The only one who can change is YOU. So it's up to you what kind of life you want to have. If you want things to be different for you, you have got to take the steps to change them.
Or if your house is that important just accept you have an open marriage and act accordingly.
Make a recurring appt for STD checks.....you'll need it.
Make a recurring appt for STD checks.....you'll need it.
Yeah, that was dumb — but not surprising. When posters suddenly disappear after posting a fair amount, it’s often because they have taken their cheating spouse back and they don’t want to get slammed for it. Well, consider yourself slammed — now figure out how to get back on track.
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