Discussion Starter · #1 ·
married for 25 years, initial start very rocky dating wife went to england to visit family for a month. came back found out in relationship there and before going there planning to get back with old boyfriend on her return but never told me. that ended up not working and she went out of town and was living with someone else she found. called me up just prior to my finishing medical school and wanted to get back together. i still loved her and said yes. i told her of my insecurity given history and she said i would just have to deal with it to be with her. ultimately we married when i finished school. have had three children. thought we had the ultimate marriage. before kids she was a meeting planner and in hawaii for a week. called her no answer, called her early hawaii time no answer, concerned because of her being depressed or fatigued the day before. called hotel staff to check on her to be sure ok and they reported i could call her now she had just gotten back. she said she was on the beach all night. nothing happened. i still loved her, didnt believe her but went on and just dealt with it. after 24 yrs, something has changed. no calls from her while i am at work (she has been stay at home mom since first born 21 yrs ago). dont go out all invitations to do so refused, too tired etc. we do spend time at home together but any outside activities with kids. she announced she was going to england to visit last year. asked if i could go too she said no she wanted to be alone with family. she then extended trip to go with girl friend to rome for a week. she also took son. it was pretty clear to me it was me she didnt want to be with. I even said invite me you know i cant leave practice and wont be able to go--still couldnt. when i expressed my concern she said she wasnt planning on being unfaithful but anything could happen. shocked to hear that but she did repeat it. the next day i said that while she was gone i guess the same applied to me and she was ok with that. while in europe she called every night, looking at phone record longest call 2 minutes. never once said i love you. toward end of trip i asked if she did but was met with irritated response and shewas unable to say it. discussed going to councelling on her return, i did research found names and numbers but she never called. yes, i could have made the appointments but what is the point if she makes no effort. feeling taken for granted. there is no censor on her mouth to stop hurtful statements, no effort to improve relationship. sex fell off and she got into romance novels. i even suggested that we go away for a few days on 25 aniv to paris but she said we can go away together years from now when kids are out of house. Now new trip to kids sports camp as chaparone over spring break. called twice a day texted every day short messages about what was happening. on her return almost immediately stated she was embarrassed by how many call and texts she got. other wives said they didnt communicate with husbands for days. i asked how they knew it was husband? no answer. i expressed how i was feeling, totally takedn for granted. i had been reading about the signs of infidelity and impending infidelity. she has been going to gym since trip to england, new underware which i havent seen her wear, irritablity to talk to me, deleted internet history. i told her about this and the fact that she deleted history. she said she was looking at porn on the internet by going to craigslist underpersonals and looking at pictures posted there. i am further upset that she is on personals--she claimed didnt know where else to find it. she must be the only person computer savy who uses search engines everyday to not be able to find porn. I know she also lied about duration of this since i have found naked men pictures before that she blamed on our daughter but when confronted now admits were hers. typing this out, i cannot even believe i am questioning my judgement now but am only interested in separation. she is totally unprepared to live separate and despite large net wealth, we need to sell home which could take a year. i told her we could live in platonic relationship for 1 year. i will not call or question anything. she is free to see anyone else but be discrete. She says i am crazy and have no right to question or look at what she does on internet. wants to get counseling now but i am not interested. guess i have reached my breaking point. i am not blaming her. you cannot demand somebody love you the way you want. even if things change was it from real change or just afraid of the real world or life without safety net. i see no moves on her part to seek job etc. i suspect just like in past she thinks it will all blow over. i think she just pushed one time too hard and everything is breakable.