I just need to tell someone

My husband and I have been together for 9 married for 7 years. We have two 8 years old twins who we love very much. I like to think we have a good marriage even though it stared out pretty rough. I fell pregnant during my senior year in high school so we never stared off on the right. Being teenage parents is never easy it come with so many problems and difficulties. We always managed and found ways to work through them and becoming stronger. I truly believe I found my soul mate in my husband. I know I don’t deserve and everything he has done and given to me.

During the fall semester I shared a few class together. We became good friends we shared many of the same interest. We would spend of time during together helping each with homework and studying. At one point we exchanged numbers and we stared to text each other like crazy. I never really thought we were doing anything wrong I always saw him as a good friend someone I could just talk. Last week we the both of us ever invited. We both went with different set of friends. Even though we didn’t go together we spent most of our time together. Towards the end of the party he asked me if I wanted to with him to another party his friends were having I knew I should have said no but I didn’t. I had a few chance to change my mind. At point we lost each other in the club where the party was taking place I went out of my way to find him. We would end up leaving together to one of his friend’s party which was more of a house party. I was already kind of drunk a t this point. When I got his friends party we spent about an hour just talking and hanging out with a few of his friends. I also stared drinking more we both end up going into one of the rooms. I end up cheating on my husband that night. I felt sick to my stomach and left right after it happened. I called one of my friends to pick me up. I asked her if I could sleep over at her place I never told her what happened but she knew something was wrong. I haven’t anyone this yet.

I was going to keep this a secret because I was scared of the amount of pain I would cause my husband and I don’t know how he would react. But I am so consumed with guilt. I have never ever cheated on my husband during marriage or before. I’ve never even had a one night stand. My husband and I are always completely honest with each other. If I tell him, he’ll be devastated. I don’t if he would be able to forgive me and I don’t know what I would do if he leave me. I know I am a complete coward, in every sense of the word. I am so scared of the fall out that I am paralyzed with fear. My husband, in no way deserves any of this. It makes me feel horrible to think of how he would react if he knew the truth. I don’t want to tell him but have been living in fear every single day that when I get home, my clothes and belongings will be thrown onto the lawn. I am so scared of the thought of someone else telling him. If he is to find out I would rather it be from me not someone else. I just feel so guilty all the time .I don’t know what to do about it anymore. I feel like I was so stupid about the whole thing it all could have been prevented. All I had to do was say no but I just couldn’t say no. I didn’t know how to handle the situation. I don’t know what to do to get over this. I am so in love with my husband. I feel disgusted with myself. I just don’t know what to do if I keep this a secret I could maybe save my marriage. If I tell him I know he will be devastated and I could lose everything just too ease my guilt. I don’t know what to do anymore.

Sorry i didn't mean for it to be so long