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I've been with my boyfriend for a little over 2 1/2 years. We have a fairly healthy relationship, we don't live together but see each other on a weekly/bi-weekly basis. I love being with him, we don't always do fun stuff but I enjoy his company.

Sometimes I absolutely don't want to be with him. I usually have no reason to think that. He's supportive, he is kind, he loves me and takes care of me even when I'm being mean.

Somedays I feel completely in love with him and some days I just want to leave him and never look back. He's never hit me or abused me in any way. He makes me happy, I just can't stand him sometimes. I get scared that he will be unsuccessful and it makes me want to leave him. I grew up comfortable, my brother and I never wanted for anything, and I plan on doing the same for my children.

. Im not very confident in myself, I second guess every feeling that I have. I usually don't tell him i love him or I miss him because I end up feeling awkward and/or angry. I have no true reason to feel this way.

Our sex life is okay. I'm his first everything( I'm he's 23) he's the only man I've ever had sex with but I've had several boyfriend that I fooled around with. We waited a year before having sex and it was great at first but now I've come to a point where I hate sex most days. It's not just sex with him, but sex in general. It makes me feel disgusting. He's a very loving partner, he always make sure I orgasm and doesn't get mad or become resentful when I do not return the favor. Sometimes I cry after sex and I don't know why. I guess I feel Embaressed. I don't really know what I feel. Sometimes I don't want to be touched, sometimes i will ask him to leave the room( I haven't done that in a really long time though ). He knows most of this and tries to help me understand why I feel this way.

Sex was a very taboo subject when I was growing up. I learned everything from experience or the Internet. My parents relationship was strained, my dad travelled a lot for work and cheated many times and is still cheating. My brother and I used to have to sit outside while they fought. My dad has PTSD and is possibly bi polar( he refuses to admit anything is wrong with him) so growing up, nothing I did was every right and we walked on pins and needles never knowing if he was in a good mood or a bad mood.

Is wanting to be with him one moment and wanting to leave him the next normal? Am I just overreacting? He's told me a few times that I should see a therapist, should I? I really just don't know what to do. I love him but I don't want to be with him sometimes I wonder if there's anything else out there for me. Am I just to young to know what love is and what insecurities come with it? I've put a lot of thought into this and any advice is welcome.
 

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Well... I too think you should see a therapist. It really can help you sort out why your feeling the way you do. Of course its up to you if you want to go or not but I think you would benefit from going.
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You sound normal & have a healthy grasp on your emotional being. You understand that some of your past will probably have an infulence on your sexual experiences now. (That's okay.. learn from the different feelings!)

I would not be so worried about not liking sex sometimes. Sounds like you do have some insecurites... and me, being very insecure when I was a young lady.... I can relate to a lot of things you've said.

I think you not wanting to be with him "all the time" is just a healthy way for your mind/soul to let you know that this is not your permanent relationship. While he seems nice, & great & supportive... Maybe it is time to wean off the relationship & start "dating" again.

You know, going out to just go out & have fun. To be dating different men (not sex), but not getting into a serious relationship. I'd say not for a while. Let yourself mature & get to know yourself a little better, so that you can be more confident & not so insecure.

I dont think it's necessarily over-reacting, but maybe over emphasizing the importance of this relationship? (if that makes sense?). I think your wanting to be with him one day, and leave him next day... is probably just normal. Your mind is still sorting thru what types of behaviors you want for your future husband & what you are not willing to put up with.

You need to date many different types of men (yes, even some rotten ones), to get to know yourself & how you will react in certain relationships. Basically, you need to have trials & errors. Both sexually and emotionally.

While my hubby and I still have great wonderful sex sometimes (22 years together).. There are still times, that I feel bad after sex. I tried a position that reminded me of past encounters, and I feel guilty after. Or, sometimes he wants more than me, sometimes I want more than him. It's all give & take. But, when we do have those moments that everything just clicks together so well for us.. Oh... It is just HEAVEN. And to know that I have a husband that loves me no matter what, that can laugh with me over our failed attempts at something new... that will sit & talk with me about our past pains.. I just know that I am very blessed.

And I had to date a lot of people to find this guy!. He didn't just fall into my lap. We didn't date for 3 years & decide that. "Okay, I'm willing to settle for this one".

It'll all work out in the future.. But give yourself a chance to have that future! Be confident that one day, you will find someone that puts your fears to rest about your relationship insecurities!
 

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My thoughts are that maybe you don't respect your BF. Not good. You said that you feel like he will never be successful, and that some days, for no reason at all you feel like you just want to get out of this R. These things are all recipe for disaster.

You might be starting to resent your BF because he is so good to you, and you do not feel like he is worthy of your love because you don't respect him.

Because of all of this, you are feeling guilty, and when you both are intimate, you feel like you are doing it out of obligation. Does this sound like it makes any sense?
 

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Quotes of Lovely

Sometimes I absolutely don't want to be with him. I usually have no reason to think that. He's supportive, he is kind, he loves me and takes care of me even when I'm being mean

I get scared that he will be unsuccessful and it makes me want to leave him.

I hate sex most days. It's not just sex with him, but sex in general

Is wanting to be with him one moment and wanting to leave him the next normal? Am I just overreacting? He's told me a few times that I should see a therapist, should I?

ABSOLUTLY!
Please do not get married or have any children until you get your life in better order. You are probably a very good person but you will not make for a long term successful marriage at this stage.

You mentioned your life as a child and your parent’s relationship. I am sure your therapist would like to here about that so that the therapist can help you with your issues that you mentioned.

You say that you love him but want to leave him and hate to have sex and you do not know why. Your issues will be very counterproductive for a marriage so get yourself some help.

You are a very honest and brave person but you have some issues that you need to get addressed so that you can be much more productive for yourself and others.
 
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