[Laurentium]

I'm just going to stand by with the pliers. Give me a holler if you get something caught in your cheek.

True - and yet it sometimes seems worth replying to things for the benefit of other readers.

 

[LisaDiane]

This can be true in few dead and moribund relationships.......

but in the vast vast vast vast vast majority of cases, most men would be more than happy to have his partner join in or at least lend a hand.

I would even be willing to bet good money a guy would accept an offer to join in from a complete stranger if a stranger walked in on him (female or his particular sexual preference of course)

Any guy that would reject his partner lending a hand if she walked in on him, is completely done with her and done with the relationship.

I am sorry 😞

Don't be sorry at all...his sexual issues were the least of our problems!!!

I am definitely DONE with the relationship, and he is now too, but he would never admit that shutting me out was a problem back when I was trying to engage with him sexually and he was rejecting me in EVERY way. I KNEW it wasn't normal or loving or even sustainable...and I was so willing to do ANYTHING for him sexually that excited him - but the only thing he wanted was for me to leave him alone. So I did.

When I first caught him masturbating 10+ years ago (after refusing sex with me for weeks), he didn't just reject me, he was ANGRY at me...but later he insisted that of course he still loved me, that most guys liked being private with that, and it had nothing to do with him wanting me or being turned on by me. Again, it didn't feel right to me, and it wasn't what I wanted at all, but I wanted to give him what HE wanted...so eventually I just left him alone to make him happy.

My posts on the porn threads explain my situation with that in more detail, but I simply don't care anymore. He DID NOT love me or want to share himself sexually with me at all. I was a sex doll to him, nothing more.

I see it the same way I see women who will put out and give sex to their husbands, just to lay there and "take it" -- they ARE rejecting their husbands, but trying to appear not to be for selfish reasons (like to keep their husbands from leaving). I don't believe those women love their husbands, just like I don't believe my husband truly loved ME, or any sexless spouse loves their partner.

If someone doesn't want to engage sexually with their monogamous partner who is reaching for them, you are RIGHT -- there is NO relationship there to save. You are roommates, that's it. And that's what each person in a sexually restrictive relationship has to decide if they are willing to live with...because I've never seen it change. I am NOT willing to live with it.

I just wanted the guys posting on here to know that there are SOME men who masturbate in order to HIDE and DECEIVE and REJECT their willing partners.

 

[Joluigi]

I caught him masterbating before he took a shower and he doesn't know about it, we've been arguing lately so I get it's a stress reliefer and he's told me he's done it before while where together, but seeing him do it in action... it felt like my heart was jumping out of my chest and cracking.. lately it feels like I'm not good enough for him and he somehow reminds me of it and all I want to do is cry and I can't make him happy.

Nothing to worry about. Even when a man has the perfect sex partner he will ocassionally want to masturbate. after all, that was the main type of sex we knew at the start of our sexuality, (puberty and teeage years) I've personally been in a wonderful 9 year honeymoon, getting all the oral sex I want and still masturbate 2 or 3 times a month

 

[ah_sorandy]

Be careful giving this advice so confidently -- my STBX had NO interest in me knowing he was masturbating or allowing me to share in the experience with him in any way at all. For HIM masturbating was a way to shut me out of his sexual life and reject me.

Some guys don't want their very willing female partners to join in and take care of it with them.

The guy posting this would be more than WILLING to have my female partner joining in, to help out, and maybe even do some masturbating herself. All sex is super fun, including mutual masturbation!

 

[The Mighty Fred]

Nothing to worry about. Even when a man has the perfect sex partner he will ocassionally want to masturbate. after all, that was the main type of sex we knew at the start of our sexuality, (puberty and teeage years) I've personally been in a wonderful 9 year honeymoon, getting all the oral sex I want and still masturbate 2 or 3 times a month

I think this is probably pretty true. And I think there are fleeting fantasies we all have. Not all of this is an indicator of trouble.

 

[The Mighty Fred]

If I caught my wife masturbating, I'd let her finish in private and then we'd laugh about it later in private. I haven't caught her yet, but I'm sure she has.

 

[FlaviusMaximus]

If I caught my wife masturbating, I'd let her finish in private and then we'd laugh about it later in private. I haven't caught her yet, but I'm sure she has.

Yep. If I caught my wife masturbating privately, I'd rub one out watching her.
I've never caught her. Ah, but I can hope...

 

[FloridaGuy1]

There is a good chance my wife will catch me sometime as I do it more now since we don't have sex as much anymore.

 

[The Mighty Fred]

Yep. If I caught my wife masturbating privately, I'd rub one out watching her.
I've never caught her. Ah, but I can hope...

My wife's suggested this one, but I haven't taken her up on it.

 

[LisaDiane]

My wife's suggested this one, but I haven't taken her up on it.

WHAT...?? Mr. I-Need-More-Excitement hasn't taken his wife up on an offer for a fantasy item?

Something is NOT right here...

 

[Young at Heart]

I caught him masterbating before he took a shower and he doesn't know about it, we've been arguing lately so I get it's a stress reliefer and he's told me he's done it before while where together, but seeing him do it in action... it felt like my heart was jumping out of my chest and cracking.. lately it feels like I'm not good enough for him and he somehow reminds me of it and all I want to do is cry and I can't make him happy.

Congratulations on your bravery to post your feelings.

A few thoughts. First, I truly doubt he feels like you are not good enough for him. So how do you convince yourself of this?

Simple. Talk to him with an open mind. The hard part of your discussion will be keeping your heart still, listening and not judging. In a marriage you want your spouse to be open to you about sex. You may not want to do things they want, but you should listen to them and see if there isn't someway you can give them the experiences they want, as long as it is a way you feel comfortable with. Remember you are his wife and life partner, not his mother trying to raise him. So don't mother him. In theory he left his mother for you and sex was thr reason.

For example, you could have let him know you were there and if stopped and felt ashamed, you could have said you were enjoying watching his beautiful body that means so much to you find pleasure. Don't think of it as him rejecting you. Ask him to share his orgasms with you and that you want to be a bigger part of his sex life. Ask him if you can give him a hand, so to speak or if you can pose naked for him, while he masturbates. If you play your cards right you can even engage is some aftercare/play/snuggling when he has finished.

He has probably masturbated all him adult life, so you probably are not going to change him. In reality only he can change himself if he wants to. If after you have thought about it and talked to him and he has a hard time not masturbating, then join him so that it something the two of you do together as a bonding experience not something he does along.

Good luck.

 

[The Mighty Fred]

There is a good chance my wife will catch me sometime as I do it more now since we don't have sex as much anymore.

Shoot. Why not tell her that's your resulting policy?

 

[FlaviusMaximus]

My wife's suggested this one, but I haven't taken her up on it.

Maybe your wife could call mine and encourage her...😁

 

[MaiChi]

I caught him masterbating before he took a shower and he doesn't know about it, we've been arguing lately so I get it's a stress reliefer and he's told me he's done it before while where together, but seeing him do it in action... it felt like my heart was jumping out of my chest and cracking.. lately it feels like I'm not good enough for him and he somehow reminds me of it and all I want to do is cry and I can't make him happy.

What do you mean "Caught"? Its like saying you caught someone walking to the shop. Why would he not do it. Do you not dot it either then? I work at home ( covid) and he goes to work and when the children were going to school, a few times i had a moment to myself at lunch time. If he were to come home at that time I definitely would not describe it as "he caught me" I am not a criminal or such like. It is normal activity.

 

[Luckylucky]

There are two types of people: those that masturbate, and those that say they don’t. And I’m talking about both genders.

 

[ah_sorandy]

I wish my wife would take an interest in catching me masturbating.

I wish my wife masturbated, while watching me masturbate.

I wish my wife masturbated every day for her own pleasure and health.

I wish my wife actually wanted sex.

When is it time to say enough is enough and move on?

Trapped in a sexless marriage is torture for a man that desires daily sex.

 

[attheend02]

I wish my wife would take an interest in catching me masturbating.

I wish my wife masturbated, while watching me masturbate.

I wish my wife masturbated every day for her own pleasure and health.

I wish my wife actually wanted sex.

When is it time to say enough is enough and move on?

Trapped in a sexless marriage is torture for a man that desires daily sex.

Sounds like the time is now.

 

[FlaviusMaximus]

Trapped in a sexless marriage is torture for a man that desires daily sex.

If you've tried hard to work past this with your spouse, I'd say it's time to consider moving on.
No sex in a marriage is breaking the marital contract. No need to be trapped...

 

[ah_sorandy]

If you've tried hard to work past this with your spouse, I'd say it's time to consider moving on.
No sex in a marriage is breaking the marital contract. No need to be trapped...

I have tried very hard... nothing has worked. She is LD and not interested in sex. Asexuality is real in her case.

 

[FlaviusMaximus]

I have tried very hard... nothing has worked. She is LD and not interested in sex. Asexuality is real in her case.

Is she making an attempt to do something about it? If she is I can see staying around and encouraging her and trying to help things improve. If she isn't, and you are accepting it and the misery that comes with it, I doubt anything will change. Sexual abandonment is a big, big deal.