[noideawhattodo]

As the title describes/asks.

My daughter of 3 years old says only single words, out of context, out of meaning. She babbles alot, but in a completely different tone of voice and no recognizable words.
She just decided to poop in her diaper, take off, smear it against the floor, laughing and dancing ontop of it.

Her 1.5 year old brother joined her in this poop-dance. He is 100% non verbal, so far not a single word.

They both can barely put two pieces of Duplo Lego together.

They both have alot of uncontrollable meltdowns, no point in trying to comfort, no sign of what might be bothering them. No words, no pointing, just crying as if they are dying.

Neither of them responds to their names, only if shouting repeatedly they will "maybe" turn their heads to you.

My daughter is allready involved with all sorts of "special methods" for learning at her kindergarten,, but so far (1 year+ since it started) no progress.

I feel guilty for being angry, dissapointed, depressed.

Im just running out of energy, i dont know what to do.

I think to myself in my (many) moments of selfpity that i am living in hell. Feeling like i am emotionless for losing more and more of the "good" feeling i have about them, all the "good" feelings are slowly being replaced with feelings of dissapointment and hopelessness.

This was more of a venting than a real question.

Thanks if you read it through.

 

[Pluto2]

You need some support for what you are dealing with. Of course you need to vent. There is hope, and they are young enough that with the right help things can turn around.

Have you contacted the Autism Support Network | Free autism & Aspergers support | Autism Support Network Have they been evaluated?

This is purely anecdotal:
My sister has two boys, now in their 20s, both autistic but at different levels of the spectrum. The older one is working, the younger one is not and both are living at home. She refused any help, therapy or "labels" when they were younger, believing she could just love them enough to make it all better. Now most therapies that would help them interact with others are not effective.

One of my dearest friends also has a son with Asperger's who was completely non-verbal at three. She quit her job and found intensive therapy for her son. The son rebounded and is headed off to college.

Everybody is different with this spectrum and the level of effectiveness differs widely. But there are some options.
You can do this.

 

[rubymoon]

Dear OP, please get some help. And I mean simple, physical help from a nanny, or a cook, or a maid! Having two little kids is hard enough. You are exhausted. Anyone would be exhausted, which would lead to feel angry, disappointed, helpless, hopeless... Invest some money in getting some help with the kids, and life will get better.

 

[mablenc]

It is possible, it is also possible that child #2 is imitating #1 behavior. Only a specialist can confirm. I know it's hard, ask for help, it gets better with time.
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[DoF]

Do you read to them OP? I would, on regular basis.

Also, when you call their name and they ignore it, are you persistent and continue doing so until you get a response? or just give up?

Remember, kids will ONLY do as much as you allow them to do. If you call their name and they ignore you, and you don't follow up until they do > they think "if I ignore her she will leave me alone".

There is NO LIMIT to what the kids will do to get their way, absolutely NONE.

You would be surprised how smart these little creatures are......they not only know you better than anyone on this planet, they know exactly how to exploit even the HINT of your weakness.

 

[richie33]

Look into Early Intervention. Have your children looked at by a professional.

 

[PBear]

So you've vented... But have you had EITHER child tested?

C
Posted via Mobile Device

 

[Coffee Amore]

Look into Early Intervention. Have your children looked at by a professional.

In the US, most states have an Early Intervention, sometimes call Child Find, office in a state health agency. The services (speech therapy, ABA, pediatric occupational therapy, etc.) are free in most states. Many will come to your home to provide those services. You should contact your local Early Intervention office because it sounds like your children will qualify for those services. The earlier you start the better. They can also probably provide ideas for support and respite care for you as well.

You can use this link to find your state's Early Intervention office.
State Organization – Search by State — National Dissemination Center for Children with Disabilities

 

[Homemaker_Numero_Uno]

As the title describes/asks.

My daughter of 3 years old says only single words, out of context, out of meaning. She babbles alot, but in a completely different tone of voice and no recognizable words.
She just decided to poop in her diaper, take off, smear it against the floor, laughing and dancing ontop of it.

Her 1.5 year old brother joined her in this poop-dance. He is 100% non verbal, so far not a single word.

They both can barely put two pieces of Duplo Lego together.

They both have alot of uncontrollable meltdowns, no point in trying to comfort, no sign of what might be bothering them. No words, no pointing, just crying as if they are dying.

Neither of them responds to their names, only if shouting repeatedly they will "maybe" turn their heads to you.

My daughter is allready involved with all sorts of "special methods" for learning at her kindergarten,, but so far (1 year+ since it started) no progress.

I feel guilty for being angry, dissapointed, depressed.

Im just running out of energy, i dont know what to do.

I think to myself in my (many) moments of selfpity that i am living in hell. Feeling like i am emotionless for losing more and more of the "good" feeling i have about them, all the "good" feelings are slowly being replaced with feelings of dissapointment and hopelessness.

This was more of a venting than a real question.

Thanks if you read it through.

It is possible but it is more likely that they are both exposed to some every day toxin that affects development (and hearing) such as lead poisoning.

They could have hearing problems, which means they are not getting information through the channels most people would use. This can certainly lead to odd behavior as well as tantrums. I was a nanny for a little girl and discovered she had a hearing issue, after she had tubes installed (it was due to tube issues vs. anything more dire than that) she was an entirely different little girl Tantrums diminished, vocabulary increased dramatically.

You should definitely have them assessed by a competent physician for all possibilities, start with the obvious/most likely first.

You don't need a diagnosis to develop strategies for dealing with your kids. You can go to family therapy to learn strategies that will be helpful in disciplining and learning, and how to adjust their environment to be more suitable/supportive for them. You can learn sign language. And do more activities that involve movement and easy rules, such as swimming pool activities or following strings through the woods to find treasures. (This is good for teaching kids how to follow along/focus on a task and has a built in reward.) They might also like some easy obstacle courses like a collapsible fabric tunnel to go through. If they cannot handle duplos don't give those to them to play with. Instead give them large easily handled blocks that velcro together. With tricycles, get the low rider ones with no pedals, and those that have an attached handle for the adult to hold onto.

Some easy games you can and should play with kids are things like peek-a-boo. Or just banging on pots that have been turned upside down, with a spoon. Or making tents with blankets and chairs. Finger painting is a nice alternative to smearing poo. Or take them outside and give them sidewalk chalk to use at the park or wherever there's a surface they can draw/scribble on.

You can learn quite a bit about your children by playing simple games with them at their own level. Whatever that might be.

Definitely start with physical exams, blood work and environmental assessment. Then move on to learning disorders and things that are more difficult to diagnose.

You should also start making records of their development and behaviors. Trust me there are loads and loads of questions on developmental assessments. You will be thankful if everything is recorded somewhere.

 

[Homemaker_Numero_Uno]

As the title describes/asks.

My daughter of 3 years old says only single words, out of context, out of meaning. She babbles alot, but in a completely different tone of voice and no recognizable words.
She just decided to poop in her diaper, take off, smear it against the floor, laughing and dancing ontop of it.

Her 1.5 year old brother joined her in this poop-dance. He is 100% non verbal, so far not a single word.

They both can barely put two pieces of Duplo Lego together.

They both have alot of uncontrollable meltdowns, no point in trying to comfort, no sign of what might be bothering them. No words, no pointing, just crying as if they are dying.

Neither of them responds to their names, only if shouting repeatedly they will "maybe" turn their heads to you.

My daughter is allready involved with all sorts of "special methods" for learning at her kindergarten,, but so far (1 year+ since it started) no progress.

I feel guilty for being angry, dissapointed, depressed.

Im just running out of energy, i dont know what to do.

I think to myself in my (many) moments of selfpity that i am living in hell. Feeling like i am emotionless for losing more and more of the "good" feeling i have about them, all the "good" feelings are slowly being replaced with feelings of dissapointment and hopelessness.

This was more of a venting than a real question.

Thanks if you read it through.

I wanted to add that many children's hospitals offer free hearing screening for children. It seems that would be a good place to start. They could also have a language processing disorder if their physical hearing is intact. I would start with this. Because it is easy and measurable. And since they don't respond to their names except with extreme yelling, this will get the attention of a hearing specialist. They can then refer you to appropriate specialists based on the results, even if hearing is okay (which it doesn't sound like it is.) You have to start somewhere, so blood lead testing and hearing assessment are easy. And nobody is going to tell you that these tests aren't necessary for the symptoms you describe. They will be performed quickly too with very little wait time. And will be a way for you to start communication with health care providers about your children's issues.

 

[noideawhattodo]

@PBear:
Sorry for the lack of information i gave in my post.
My daughter has been tested multiple times, from "non-conclusive" when she was too young to "Agreed, there is something up, we dont want to put a label on it, but here are all the things you need to do in order to help her develop and get ready for school on time."
As for my son, i had him tested as well around half a year ago when he was just 1 years old. However the tests were unconclusive because some tasks they need to perform are not entirely targeted at this young age.
So we have an appointment to attempt the test(Hearing, Eyes, understanding & responding to simple commands (Put that block ontop of that block, naming things, animals, etc etc) again in end of september.

@DoF:
I read to them both every night for about 30mins or so, everything from silly kidsbooks to news from the scientific field( from genetics in crops farming to quantum effects), mostly i read "childified" stories from the brothers Grimm.
And whenever i seek the attention of my kids by calling their name, i never quit or give up, it usually ends with me having to go to them and tap them on the shoulder or something.

@Homemaker_Numero_Uno:
My daughter is allready entangled in the Early Intervention initiatives.
She has tubes in her ear (tubes sounds big, it is infact a tiny tube (think the size of the hole a pen comes out of its tip from, a tiny bit smaller than that)) to remove some moist/water that was trapped. However i have not witnessed any drastic increase in vocabulary.

As i said, i was venting which leads to the situation where not all facts are put on the table, sorry about that.

 

[DoF]

The only thing that doctors can do is "label" it and "give you pills for it".

I find that to be VERY little help.

What are your goals and expectations OP? Focus on that and don't deviate from it.

AT the end of the day, what YOU and your kids do with it is what really matters. Sounds like you are doing the right things.

Personally, I wouldn't worry about it.

Every human being has pros and cons. Some are great in school, some aren't....so do things well and some don't. Even if it's some kind of disorder, many of these kids are WAY better people than "normal" kids that I find to be SO ****ty SO often. hehe

Just do your best as a parent and show them love/be around. That's my best advice.

PS. I see SO many parents getting kids on meds because "they are not good in school"....meanwhile they feed them complete ****. Give the kid some ****in water and REAL FOOD for god sakes, you think that might help a bit?

 

[richie33]

She should worry about it. If the children happen to be autistic the worst thing you can do is to ignore the signs. The best treatment is early intervention and ABA therapy.
Most doctors are pretty useless when it comes to autism. We thought my oldest was deaf. We would call his name and he wouldn't flinch. Had his ears tested and they were fine. He was diagnosed a few weeks later with PDD-nos. He has been in extensive therapy for the past two years. He has made great stride. Waiting will not be the way to go.

 

[Coffee Amore]

If the kids are autistic they aren't going to grow out of it with some good food and water. Waiting is a bad idea in the context of autism. Giving advice that applies to neurotypical children isn't helpful when one doesn't have any personal experience dealing with autism, which comes with its own unique set of challenges.

Autism is a serious disability. It's also a spectrum condition. Not all autistic people will be quirky adults who can live on their own. Some will need lifelong care where all their daily activities require some level of supervision. The OP doesn't know where her children fall on the spectrum, so it's better to get intensive services early on while their brains are still developing so they can have the best prognosis. Also, if they lack the skills to behave in a general education classroom, her children aren't going to find inclusion in general ed an option for them. That means addressing behaviors now before they start school at age 5 so that they can sit, listen, participate, communicate (whichever method they can use..speech, assisted communicated, sign language, etc.)

A great neuropsych who knows autism can tell you which therapies are good for your children. Doctors don't always push pills and I wouldn't paint all of them with such a broad brush. You just have to find those who have expertise in the area.

This forum is for marriages and relationships. You're likely to get more responses from knowledgeable parents in a forum dedicated to autism therapies or support. Try some place like autismweb.com or maybe there are other groups you can find from Google.

 

[Homemaker_Numero_Uno]

@PBear:
Sorry for the lack of information i gave in my post.
My daughter has been tested multiple times, from "non-conclusive" when she was too young to "Agreed, there is something up, we dont want to put a label on it, but here are all the things you need to do in order to help her develop and get ready for school on time."
As for my son, i had him tested as well around half a year ago when he was just 1 years old. However the tests were unconclusive because some tasks they need to perform are not entirely targeted at this young age.
So we have an appointment to attempt the test(Hearing, Eyes, understanding & responding to simple commands (Put that block ontop of that block, naming things, animals, etc etc) again in end of september.

@DoF:
I read to them both every night for about 30mins or so, everything from silly kidsbooks to news from the scientific field( from genetics in crops farming to quantum effects), mostly i read "childified" stories from the brothers Grimm.
And whenever i seek the attention of my kids by calling their name, i never quit or give up, it usually ends with me having to go to them and tap them on the shoulder or something.

@Homemaker_Numero_Uno:
My daughter is allready entangled in the Early Intervention initiatives.
She has tubes in her ear (tubes sounds big, it is infact a tiny tube (think the size of the hole a pen comes out of its tip from, a tiny bit smaller than that)) to remove some moist/water that was trapped. However i have not witnessed any drastic increase in vocabulary.

As i said, i was venting which leads to the situation where not all facts are put on the table, sorry about that.

You should have her hearing checked, definitely. If she has tubes it should already have been checked but some physicians/clinicians don't think outside their specialty, they fix what they can fix and move on to the next referral.

And keep on looking for specific strategies that work, vs. just searching for a diagnosis/reason (the two processes of looking for treatment and cause can be simultaneous, each contributes to the other...)

 

[Homemaker_Numero_Uno]

@PBear:
Sorry for the lack of information i gave in my post.
My daughter has been tested multiple times, from "non-conclusive" when she was too young to "Agreed, there is something up, we dont want to put a label on it, but here are all the things you need to do in order to help her develop and get ready for school on time."
As for my son, i had him tested as well around half a year ago when he was just 1 years old. However the tests were unconclusive because some tasks they need to perform are not entirely targeted at this young age.
So we have an appointment to attempt the test(Hearing, Eyes, understanding & responding to simple commands (Put that block ontop of that block, naming things, animals, etc etc) again in end of september. Brothers Grimm is good for kids who are a bit older... Take them to the library and explain to the children's librarian you would like some help finding books that meet the criteria...and also to which your children best respond. A good children's librarian will be able to provide you with a good selection, and assist in even trying them out at home. You can also request a DVD that has sign language instruction for their age group. In this case some screen time for young kids is advisable, of course you can learn along with them.




@DoF:
I read to them both every night for about 30mins or so, everything from silly kidsbooks to news from the scientific field( from genetics in crops farming to quantum effects), mostly i read "childified" stories from the brothers Grimm.
And whenever i seek the attention of my kids by calling their name, i never quit or give up, it usually ends with me having to go to them and tap them on the shoulder or something.

@Homemaker_Numero_Uno:
My daughter is allready entangled in the Early Intervention initiatives.
She has tubes in her ear (tubes sounds big, it is infact a tiny tube (think the size of the hole a pen comes out of its tip from, a tiny bit smaller than that)) to remove some moist/water that was trapped. However i have not witnessed any drastic increase in vocabulary.

As i said, i was venting which leads to the situation where not all facts are put on the table, sorry about that.

Find a different way of getting their attention first before calling their names, you can use a different pattern of flashing the room lights for each child. Once for the younger child, twice for the eldest, etc. See if that helps. Or use touch exclusively along with eye contact and a positive facial expression. Followed by message.

It really sounds like you should use signing with them, and stick to picture books where the story line is something they experience in life, and also where the story line is easily interpreted by the photos. You can't aim high and hope they rise to the challenge. You need to stay where they are. Abstract isn't going to cut it.