Jellybeans...!
Oh how I wish I had found this site a looong time ago.
Thanks, I needed that! And I agree!
Ok, but why is my husband being so nice now. He knows I'm leaving because of our last discussion. What can I do to stay strong so I don't get all mushy and backslide until I leave... I have about a week to two weeks...
Keep repeating to yourself WHY you are leaving & thinki ng about all the times he told you he doesn't love/want/need you/wants you to leave. Tell yourself and KNOW that you deserve better!
Limit your contact/conversation with him.
Work on your boundaries. Learn to say NO when something upsets you. Stick to it.
If he gets funny or all sweet and baby this, baby that, tell him "You know what, that mattered before but not now. I do not want to be with someone who does not want to be with me and has treated me as horribly as you have. i deserve much better, a real man, not someone who has to put their partner down constantly and treat them poorly. Sayonara, B*tch!" (ok you don't have to say that last part but you can if you want.
I left my exH (he was emotionally abusive to the MAX). I realized that it wasn't working for me & he wasn't willing to stop/put in the effort. I was so ANGRY. You need to find that ANGER and hold onto it. It's weird--when I got to that place, I was calm. It was like another level of ZEN. I had made peace with the fact it was game over. I had tried enough and a relationship is a two-way street. No more, senor!
You could make a list of all the fvcked up things he's done and read it over and over in your moments of weakness. That's what I did.
Abusers don't change. They get worse over time. And you bet your A$$ they neve think they are to blame or are wrong.
You deserve LIGHTYEARS better. F this guy!
Find your dignity!
If you realy want to mess with his head, you must reach that level of peace (or at least, portray it). Keep your emotions out of it when talking to him. He probably expects you to grovel at his feet and die crying, wishing him back and loudly exclaiming "WHY DON'T YOU LOOOOVE ME??? LET'S TRY?" Leave the groveling/crying/begging in the rearview. It's for the birds.
Smile at him and say "It's been real. And it's time to move on."
It is reverse psychology at it's finest and it reall;y does a number on a wayward. You can ask anyone on this board and they will tell you the same. When you act like you don't care and KNOW you deserve better, they are completely irrelevant.
Never look back.
********************** | ***************************************** | ***************************************