Talk About Marriage banner

Status
Not open for further replies.
1 - 5 of 5 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
13 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I have been married for over 22 years and recently became estranged from my wife. I have two daughters, the oldest is living with me, she is over 18, and the youngest, 15, we are sharing. Once my wife moved out, the fighting stopped and we are doing our best to get along for our youngest child. The weird part is when I go to her place to pick up my daughter and I need to knock on the door. Not that I feel that is wrong, just after 22 years of walking in, I now have to knock to see my daughter. Also when one of her friends are over, I feel strange and uncomfortable around them. I was wondering if this feeling goes away?

I am familiar about the pros and cons of relationships, I have even written a book on it based on my personal experiences and those of people around me. Although I have a masters in psychology, it is still different when it is you.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
4,372 Posts
Any kind of change is unsettling, and requires an adjustment period. At some point, you end up with a new "normal" and the past fades away.

This is a good time to add new things to your life. Create the life you want!

You might want to contact one of the mods to move your thread to the "Life after divorce" forum, where it's more likely to be seen by folks in your situation.
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
3,312 Posts
All normal.

Time is your friend. In time, this will become normal.....don't worry.

PS. Keep your wife's friends away.....
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,209 Posts
What door are you talking about? Your ex's house or your daughters room? Honestly you should be knocking on the doors, you can't expect to just walk into your ex's home and at 15 your daughter needs privacy, no one should just walk into her room.

But the same philosophy applies to your ex, it sounds like you stayed in the marital home, when your ex comes over she needs to knock on the door, no more just walking in.

Sure it's all different, but respecting and accepting boundaries will help things stay harmonious going foreword. And in time the "different" will feel normal.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,421 Posts
I have been married for over 22 years and recently became estranged from my wife. I have two daughters, the oldest is living with me, she is over 18, and the youngest, 15, we are sharing. Once my wife moved out, the fighting stopped and we are doing our best to get along for our youngest child. The weird part is when I go to her place to pick up my daughter and I need to knock on the door. Not that I feel that is wrong, just after 22 years of walking in, I now have to knock to see my daughter. Also when one of her friends are over, I feel strange and uncomfortable around them. I was wondering if this feeling goes away?

I am familiar about the pros and cons of relationships, I have even written a book on it based on my personal experiences and those of people around me. Although I have a masters in psychology, it is still different when it is you.
Actually, I have a master in psych as well…I think it’s actually worse.
I found a lot of questions in my own mind about how “if he couldn’t keep his own marriage going, how will he help ours?”
Luckily I work in another field right now so I don’t pay it too much mind.

The odd feeling you have when one of your daughter’s friends is over may be being self-conscious, or it may be that your wife was the primary interaction person with her friends.

Either way, now is the time to break out of your shell and join the fun!
Kids don’t care! They see their friends parents getting divorced all the time and understand it just doesn’t work sometimes.
At BEST, marriage is a 50/50 shot.
Kids know this.

Right now you are free to enjoy a second adolescence, but you need to shed the cloud over you.
I remember when the fighting stopped (mostly) and I was free to pursue anything I wanted.
You should do the same and make sure your girls see you as healing and growing stronger.
Best way to do that is to start having fun.

Good luck!

EDIT: If its your wife's friend...yes. You are being judged.
Get used to it because it doesnt go away.
 
1 - 5 of 5 Posts
Status
Not open for further replies.
Top