We have been married for 10 years. We were in love for 8 months prior to marriage. Total 11 years. We have a kid. Due to her health issues we had been living in different cities and i would travel once a month to see her and later kid. She would always be busy with her family and kid and i understand but she once didnt take my cal from 6pm to 10pm. At 10pm when she did, she said she called her students over and didnt know it was already 10pm. All three of them grownup men 22+ years. This was in my absence. I didnt confront her or question her but told her that it can be avoided and doesnt look good. One of the guys who came that day is emotionally very close to her, she would talk to him for more than an hour in jubiliation and if i ask she says its her student. I told her i dont like it and later came to know that he was the one whose support she took in dealing with another student who proposed to my wife. She dint take my support and she blamed me for it. I apologized if i had said anything that hurt her but told her that it is not good that she continues to talk to him. She agreed to not talk. This incident happened 5 years back.
Few months back she was again on phone suddenly leaving game night with our and her friend's family and simply wouldnt return or even respond even after i called her multiple times. Finally when i walked up to her, she said its the ssme guy 5 years back we agreed she wont talk. The body language and jubiliation are intact. Most probably she has been in touch. No way to know as she deletes her conversations.
Next day i confronted her and asked if she had been in touch and if they exchange messages, she not just denied it, she accused me of calling her a "b*tch" and got frentic and threw everything apart and thrratened suicide. I literally had to hold her down. I felt bad that she is still in touch with the same man she brought home 5 years back, we had a fight, and she agreed not to talk but still is. I stead of apologizing or at least assuring me that she wont, she just reacted as if i had said something nobody should ever say to a women. I swallowed my hurt and took care of her. She was alright and fine and we never talked about it. I saw her phone after months by chance. I decided i wont do that either.
There is a guy, her collegemate who proposed to her while in college. Thats ok. But again about 5 years back after we have a kid and he has 2 kids, he expressed his regret for not marrying my wife to one of his friends. That friend told my wife and she shared it with me. I politely told her to avoid the guy who proposed. She said she asked him and he said sorry.
A week back she was no where to be seen in the house and finally found her on terrace talking to someone. On asking who it is, he told the name of the same guy's wife. On asking a followup question, it was clear she was lieing to me. My wife is a glib lier and lies day in and day out but white lies i thought. Never once i thought she would lie to me. But she did.
Today morning i accidentally saw her phone and found that she has a ice-cream meetup with one guy or a group, her students. The guy has DP holding a 3 year old boy. Her students are grownup men, sometimes married but she uses "dear" to everybody, lots of emojis and talks like she absolutely adores them, to all grownup men. I told her that as a teacher she can talk respectfully and no need to show so much affection to grownup men. But she defends it saying her teacher used to address her as dear in school and thats why she is doing it. In school she was a kid, these men are not kids. One of them proposed to her, yet she contiues.
I blindly beleived my wife to be way innocent and honest as she has been telling me all this. I thought, if she wants to cheat, she doesnt have to tell. But last few weeks its clear that she has been continuing to flirt and even planned ice-cream meet and was so apologetic and effectionate to tell the other guy for not being able to come and will plan again. It is now clear that she has not been telling me everything and now i dont know what is what. I still cant say she is physically involved but she chose to delete conversation daily but not change her behaviour. I see no point in talking to her about this because am certain she will only justify it as normal and nothing and might even go frenzy and throw things apart as if i said something wrong.
Once in a while she feels sad that whoever thinks a lot about her(me) they get separated from her. I used to tell her why would i go anywhere. Now i dont know.
Someone please tell me what is happening.
