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I never probed. I let her be. In the 10 years we were apart, i have consciously isolated myself from my friends in the city i worked so that i should not develop comfort zone and be happy with my life in the absence of my wife and kid and so that i can work hard to change career. Finally after building the finaces and i took sabbatical i realized she has ample sources of emotional support and attachment while am the one who is lonely.
so you are claiming to be married to a woman you’ve been apart from for 10!yrs. dude.
That’s crazy
 

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She proposed to me. I loved her. All i ever thought was her happiness. She loved me too, a lot. Though separated, we were happy. But issues started after kid was born as she almost stopped giving me time. Also, she started working and would tell me that she has a collegue who looks like me and talking to him makes her feel like talking to me. I dint know how to react. Am i supposed to feel good? I didnt say anything back then or later. All my married life i worked to provide for my family, single-mindedly. I coached her for her studies. Helped her build her career. Bought her a car. I did everything and anything for her.

But today when i asked her politely about the guy she planned to meet for ice-cream, she said its a women and not man and i totally beleive her. But i explained her why i felt bad, because she uses dear to everyone. She went hyper and broughtup what i said about that student-man she was emotionally involved.

I didnt abuse her, didnt call her names, didnt say she cheated on me. Back then(5 months back), i only told her that she might have taken emotional support in my absence and I understand but i didnt like it. I aslo asked in the conversation, a bit harshly if they had been texting regularly and talking. Thats it, she brought down the roof back then and almost did it today also.

I apologized for evrything, took responsibility for everything and put an end to it.

Today she told me that 5 months back she decided to look for emotional support from anybody else as i am "useless".
I ruined my life for her and our kid, suffered in loneliness, i dont get the love any dad would get from his daughter(as i was not present all these years), i had been totally committed, I gifted her a beautiful villa. I bought her a car better than mine. I always encouraged her to meet friends and be happy. The only reason for my existence was to care and provide for my family.

And am "useless".

That worthless student continuously flirting with my wife is her source of support.

Am not even supposed to ask if i feel bad.

It is not 10 years of separstion, 11. Yes, i was totally in love with her. Still am, but today i realized, thanks to her reaction and all inputs from this group, that she has to earn my love. I shouldnt and need not make everthing all about her and her happiness. She cares about me for sure. But i never ask her anything. I expect nothing. Of course she does the cooking, but i cook too. She runs errands at home and i go for supplies and all. May be i dont share equal work but i do share. And i do take lions share of her intellectual work. Whatever degree and research she has, its 70% my work. I didnt sleep for days to finish her work so that she can progress in her career, because i know how much it means to her. I paused my career change plans for a month and gave precedence to her work.

Yet, i am "useless".

Today, i lost it.
read what you write. It doesn’t take a phd to see what’s going on with you. You need to get to a therapist and find out why you’re willing to be a martyr for someone. Why you like to be abused. Why you are so naive and delusional.

you are not thinking clearly. She’s been using you for money and cheating for years.
 

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i did so much for her, i wont blame you if you feel am making things up. But am not. I always felt that the sacrifice i had been making is not valued enough by her. Its always about her struggle, her pain, her suffering, her issues. I have a job 20 times more stressful than her. People with a weak heart wont last a month in my shoes. I endured, grew as a person, developed patience, and it reflects in my personal life too.

Am not saying am a saint. There were times when i used to get angry when she doesnt call when she says she will and keeps me waiting. My only source of emtional support was and has been my wife. Only i know how much i suffered being alone all these years. Anybody else would breakup and remarry. 10 years of separation that starts 6 months after marriage is too big an issue to let a marriage last these many years. It did because loved her, and she loved me too.

But now i feel am taken for granted. I dont drink, or smoke or spend a penny unnecessarily while spend for anything and everything my wife or kid needs.

Nothing, absolutely nothing made any difference to her when she said am "useless".

Enough. Let her find her emotional support from whomever she wants. If he needs anything from me, she has to ask and earn it. Am not free. She doesnt own me that i do everything for her and then get called "useless".
Dude, just divorce her and move on. Separating for 10 years after being married 6 months…… whatever is that other than a divorce? You are useless to her for anything except money. Can’t you see that?
 

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I can’t wait to hear about the health reason you’ve been separated for 11 years., That’s crazy. Accepting her having dates with other men. Crazier than that. Do you live with her now? You’ve supported her for 11 years and seen her once a month all that time?
 

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Allergy to coastal weather, or an allergy to you? Why didn’t you move to where she was? No job?
How is your love life the last few months?
Is there such a thing as an allergy to the weather?

you do realize that your relationship is pretty bizarre, right?
 

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The allergy is real. She tried to stay with me multiple times but it was horrible allergy. I took her to hospitals with no use. Finally in our home city, she was fine.

I have a job people would kill for. High paying, very respected position but sadly no operations in my home city. I kept preparing to do masters so as to make career switch, and the dad passwd away and i was caught in family issues. Finally it took me these many years to come out of all this, leave my job and move to where my wife stays. Am in the process of changing career now.
What’s the diagnosis on the allergy? What is she allergic to?
So you’re saying you saw a woman 12 days a year and gave up your dream job to live with her? How’s that working for you? She’s having ice cream with other men who are proposing to her?

You’ve made some poor choices.
should have divorced 11 years ago.
 

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How could i divorce her? On what ground? Because she had to move to another city as her health was bad? Couldnt do that. Didnt even think.

She clarified that the ice-cream guy is a women not man
Nobody can help a man whose wife leaves him after 6 months of marriage and keeps him as a wallet for 11 years, and you’re back for more while she dates other guys and goes into a rage to put you in your place whenever you whimper a little at her Shenanigans.
Good luck,
I’m unable to advise further.
Your wife treats you as you have trained her to do.
 
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