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I have no one to talk to about this...

1989 Views 8 Replies 7 Participants Last post by  msgarcia000
I have never been one to believe that weed was addictive. I have always thought that the feeling it gave you was addictive but not that it was chemically addictive.
I am not sure how to feel anymore on the subject.
Let me try to make this as short as I can..
My H and I have been married for almost 2 years. Together for almost 5. He has been a pot smoker since he was 13. I have never really had a problem with this until it started taking over everything.
We are so amazingly happy when he is high. (he doesn't even seem high when he is anymore..just happy) When he is not high, I am afraid of him. When he is sober, he talks about wanting to be dead..throws things...yells..breaks things..accuses me of doing anything and everything.
I do not pick fights. I just sit and let him yell, sometimes I may say things back but only defending myself.
An example being, he was out of weed the other day.. I didn't know and I just woke up and went over to give him a good morning hug. He immediatly started on me and I knew.
As the day went on, it progressed. More yelling, punched two fresh holes in the wall..called me things like "idiot", "retard".
I just decided I would go upstairs and take a nap since I currectly have the flu. He followed me upstairs yelling and asked me, "Have you seen any old roaches in the ash trays?". When I said No, he yelled and punched a glass picture hanging on the wall, it smashed all over the floor. Then he went to wrap his hand and get the vaccuum.. I sat on the bed shocked as he came back up. All I said was, "I didn't do anything to deserve this.." and he yelled and told me to shut up and that I am lucky I am a female. So I started crying which made him madder.
I took off my glasses and he said "Fine get comfortable, Im not cleaning up this glass..step on it, *****" and slammed the door. He returned 3 minutes later to clean it..not saying a word to me.
An hour later he was able to get weed and was sweet as pie to me. He's been taking care of me ever since, cuddling and saying he loves me.
I am so afraid and confused. I am afraid he is going to hurt me one day. I need help.
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Wow, that's pretty crazy. I used to be an everyday user, long ago. I never got abusive if I didn't have it, though I would go to great lengths to get it. My guess is that he's self medicating for other underlying mental issues.
Im thinking the Same.. he wont See a doctor though :/
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I don't think you're safe either...I hope you find a way to remove yourself from the situation.
You can't win against this kind of addiction.
I agree with the suggestion that he is self-medicating/avoiding a mental health problem.
While it might help him to feel better, and thus act better, when he has weed, there is probably a downside, such as that he can't really take care of any of the day to day stuff that people do for themselves...and when he is not under the influence it is just too overwhelming for him.
What he said to you, get comfortable then (******) is a clue. He is envious that you can relax in the 'real' world. What he said about you being lucky you're female...he is overwhelmed/overly anxious about his performance, perhaps both sexually as well as to provide for you. The weed might help him relax about these issues, but also takes away his ability to perform to his standards he has set for himself. As a result he feels trapped and anxious, hence the breaking/smashing. Breaking/smashing things is a release of anger (mostly at himself for not having impulse control, and the behavior feeds that) but also to test reality. Broken glass and blood is a sure sign of reality.
You can help (which is not to say your help is a 'cure' for this) by assuring him of what your specific needs are, and making sure he knows that what he contributes to the household in the way of energy and money and by being present, can be much more than sufficient (especially if it is).
If he gets down on himself about what he did, acknowledge that it makes you feel unsafe and hurt, and that you have boundaries about staying safe and protecting yourself. As you know, knee-jerking or getting upset will make it worse, if he sees you acting upset he will feel even worse, whereas if he hears you express your concerns, he might still feel as though he can do something about his problem, that is, reality while not under the influence does not include an angry B*tch he has to deal with.

Weed has caused some issues in my relationship/s. Speaking up for yourself and also establishing boundaries is important. Only you know what you can tolerate.

At some level, people who are f*ck-ups and know they are, appreciate being called out on it. Being the way they are is probably scary, even if they won't acknowledge their dependencies and their impulse control issues, they are still there, and the responsibility of being an adult male is looming very large.

You speaking up for yourself and wanting him to be present and not under the influence will, if communicated clearly and emphatically, make him feel more valued and less likely to need/want to escape into the chemical haze.

Of course, being female is no piece of cake, lol.
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Weed is not addictive. I can tell you from experience. If you let it, it can make you psychologically dependent but is not addictive. For example, Ive been smoking for a while and there are days that I say I won't smoke but I end up doing it anyways...why? Because why not?!...

I mean, there is a reason why they legalized it in Colorado. lol

About your husband...Mines was exactly the same way. When he was high, he was happy. When he wasnt high, he thought a lot about suicide and not having a purpose in life. One day while he was high I sat him down to talk to him. I wasnt high though. But those that say that you cannot talk to a high person is highly mistaken. It doesnt take your judgement away like alcohol does.

Well, I sat him down and I told him that if he didnt stop it with that behavior when he wasnt high, then I wasnt gonna stay there and see him hurt my feelings because I valued myself too much. He told me to do whatever I wanted to do and I was like ok and then I went to bed.

The next day he woke up yelling and saying that he hated life blah blah blah and I stood shut. I let him say everything he wanted to say. Then he got high again and this is where he got the picture. Once he started being sweet again, I was like, you know what, I don't deserve this, You are an ass and if you dont know how to be with me when sober, then you dont deserve me when you're high either....

He felt it because the next time he was sober, he wasnt as sweet but he didnt have the same behavior. Is called, breaking a pattern, a routine, a bad behavioral habit.

Good luck and if anything, just leave. Trust me, no man is EVER worth you staying when he's acting like that. Not only that but how can you sleep? Aren't you afraid that he might wake up in the middle of the night and go into some crazy rage and hurt you? I know I would be. TAKE CARE OF YOU....because im sure if something happened to you, he'll move on.
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This man's just plain violent and has some deep psychological issues. Have you ever seen some people, especially men, when their 'favorite' team loses? They go bonkers or become very sulky and moody. It seems like the same thing's happening with your husband. Marijuana's become his pacifier and 'medicine.'
msgarcia000 hit it right on the nose: "Weed is not addictive. I can tell you from experience. If you let it, it can make you psychologically dependent but is not addictive. For example, Ive been smoking for a while and there are days that I say I won't smoke but I end up doing it anyways...why? Because why not?!..." She's right when she stresses that he may cross that boundary if he ever got enough confidence over you.
PFTguy's concern is totally legitimate: "I don't think you're safe either...I hope you find a way to remove yourself from the situation." Your husband needs to be by himself for self-reflection and to evaluate what pieces of his life are important and which pieces aren't. He has to come to you and not visa-versa. You should show your woman power and don't take his s%^#! I think there are a lot of people posting who are really concerned about YOUR well-being.
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Addictive doesn't JUST mean physically addictive!

Yes! You can become dependent.

There is cannabis dependence and cannabis abuse listed in the DSM-IV to diagnosis these conditions by the professionals.
No all psychological. There is no withdrawal period. For example, if I tell myself that I'm stupid every day for many years, I will start believing im stupid. But does that mean I'm stupid? No. People hardly have any knowledge on cannabis' effects therefore making themselves believe something that is not a fact. It is not addictive.

In regards to the driving comment....I agree with you. There should be certain laws on people driving under the influence. But what you fail to recognize is that high people don't want to do anything!!! Let alone drive lol

Have you ever smoked? When you're high on weed, you're actually more alert. Not the same way that alcohol makes you think but actually in a clear way. But there should be a limit. I think a person that has smoked more than 2 pulls from the comparison of a "dime" should be arrested or given a summon.
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