Here is the history.
High school sweethearts
2 Kids, one in college, one teen
Together 25 years
Married 20
Feelings for her
Love her to death, most important person to me in the world, sun comes up everyday because of her
Now the stuck part
She cheated on me when were kids, like non stop, local ****
But I fell head over heels
Everyone in small town new her and she was the talk of the town, so we moved across the country
Perfect I thought
Well I call and say hi how are you doing, oops I woke you, sorry. I wasn't asleep she says. But she was.
Did the boys have supper? yes but they didn't.
Like non stop lying began over stupid stuff.
Then the fights start cause I don't understand why.
I do not deserve you, I'm a **** always was. Well too bad cause you didn't have much of a choice. I fell for you, I wanted you and I went after you.
I am lost and dumbfounded at this point. This is my life she is screwing with and our families happiness.
She got drunk one night after 10 years together said she missed the old days and wishes she was no longer married. Like being care free no responsibilities of kids or husband or house.
Again WTF?
Well if you really think that then I will tell you what, leave
Sign off custody of our children and go. No hard feelings I want you to be happy and even though it pisses me off to the point that I want to kill you, just go.
Well she wouldn't leave.
She did sign over full custody to me.
Then she just misses the free spirit attitude.
Well go get laid and get it out of your system. You have a husband and 2 kids here that want you. If it's what it will take to be a family again then just do it already.
She did. Well needless to say I asked her about it and she bounced all over the place on if she enjoyed it or not, if it was worth it, is it out of her system.
Now every time we argue and it is the same little lies non stop that create huge arguments it comes back to this night fling and she has done it a few times in 10 years to get it out of her system.
Do I like it no, do I love her yes.
I just want to be happy and my kids to be happy.
I don't want to fight over bs I don't want my wife to lie to me and go with someone else.
I've gone so far as move, give her permission to screw around everything just so that she is happy.
We are now 40 and although the other bs has stopped the little lies that blow up are still consistent.
I'm at a loss and have been threatening to leave for a while now.
I do not want to but I can honestly say I do not think either of us are truly happy at this point.
Now it is not all her fault.
I have a huge thing over lies. It's just me. Openness and honesty and lies set me off like a rocket cause there is just no reasoning for them.
I also work away from home.
I am home 7 days a month. I left my job as a medic and took a job at the local hospital but to be honest I could not handle it. I enjoy the fast pace and first on scene to help.
Well any questions or help anyone can provide would be great because I do know its an insecurity thing with her and I do know I am stubborn and do fly off the handle but I really do love her. Maybe we grew apart, maybe it's me being gone, I don't know. I have tried talking, I have tried everything that I can think of. Counselling is a thought she will go in and bs her way through it saying she is afraid I will leave and all this and does not know why she is doing it so that one is a waste.
Her upbringing has a lot to do with the way she is and a lot to do with how I am. I am from a right is right wrong is wrong very business successful family. I am the loser of the crowd because I am a paramedic and not owning my own business. Her is alcoholic father, cheating mother.
WE have never argued or shown anything but love in front of our kids. WE have disagreements on the phone or behind closed doors. My children do not need to know the problems although I am probably fooling myself to think they do not.
Thanks for any help and sorry this is so long winded but I am at a loss here on how to fix this or even if it worth it.
High school sweethearts
2 Kids, one in college, one teen
Together 25 years
Married 20
Feelings for her
Love her to death, most important person to me in the world, sun comes up everyday because of her
Now the stuck part
She cheated on me when were kids, like non stop, local ****
But I fell head over heels
Everyone in small town new her and she was the talk of the town, so we moved across the country
Perfect I thought
Well I call and say hi how are you doing, oops I woke you, sorry. I wasn't asleep she says. But she was.
Did the boys have supper? yes but they didn't.
Like non stop lying began over stupid stuff.
Then the fights start cause I don't understand why.
I do not deserve you, I'm a **** always was. Well too bad cause you didn't have much of a choice. I fell for you, I wanted you and I went after you.
I am lost and dumbfounded at this point. This is my life she is screwing with and our families happiness.
She got drunk one night after 10 years together said she missed the old days and wishes she was no longer married. Like being care free no responsibilities of kids or husband or house.
Again WTF?
Well if you really think that then I will tell you what, leave
Sign off custody of our children and go. No hard feelings I want you to be happy and even though it pisses me off to the point that I want to kill you, just go.
Well she wouldn't leave.
She did sign over full custody to me.
Then she just misses the free spirit attitude.
Well go get laid and get it out of your system. You have a husband and 2 kids here that want you. If it's what it will take to be a family again then just do it already.
She did. Well needless to say I asked her about it and she bounced all over the place on if she enjoyed it or not, if it was worth it, is it out of her system.
Now every time we argue and it is the same little lies non stop that create huge arguments it comes back to this night fling and she has done it a few times in 10 years to get it out of her system.
Do I like it no, do I love her yes.
I just want to be happy and my kids to be happy.
I don't want to fight over bs I don't want my wife to lie to me and go with someone else.
I've gone so far as move, give her permission to screw around everything just so that she is happy.
We are now 40 and although the other bs has stopped the little lies that blow up are still consistent.
I'm at a loss and have been threatening to leave for a while now.
I do not want to but I can honestly say I do not think either of us are truly happy at this point.
Now it is not all her fault.
I have a huge thing over lies. It's just me. Openness and honesty and lies set me off like a rocket cause there is just no reasoning for them.
I also work away from home.
I am home 7 days a month. I left my job as a medic and took a job at the local hospital but to be honest I could not handle it. I enjoy the fast pace and first on scene to help.
Well any questions or help anyone can provide would be great because I do know its an insecurity thing with her and I do know I am stubborn and do fly off the handle but I really do love her. Maybe we grew apart, maybe it's me being gone, I don't know. I have tried talking, I have tried everything that I can think of. Counselling is a thought she will go in and bs her way through it saying she is afraid I will leave and all this and does not know why she is doing it so that one is a waste.
Her upbringing has a lot to do with the way she is and a lot to do with how I am. I am from a right is right wrong is wrong very business successful family. I am the loser of the crowd because I am a paramedic and not owning my own business. Her is alcoholic father, cheating mother.
WE have never argued or shown anything but love in front of our kids. WE have disagreements on the phone or behind closed doors. My children do not need to know the problems although I am probably fooling myself to think they do not.
Thanks for any help and sorry this is so long winded but I am at a loss here on how to fix this or even if it worth it.
