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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
Stop masturbating
Get your testosterone tested
Address any physical issues
Eat healthy and work out
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I dont masturbate.
The only time my doc tested my testosterone was during a regular checkup and he said it was normal.
Physically I may have some issues that could be related....but it seems to be more of a mental thing.
 

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Before you do anything, can you explain how frequently she wants sex and how frequently you want it, as well as how often you actually have it?
 

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I dont masturbate.
The only time my doc tested my testosterone was during a regular checkup and he said it was normal.
Physically I may have some issues that could be related....but it seems to be more of a mental thing.
The physical aspect may have a lot to do with it. Working out (especially with weights) can boost your testosterone levels. It also improves your mood in general.

You tell us. Why do YOU think you have a lower drive? You think it's mental; why do you say that?

C
 

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She would like it every night or at least 5 days a week. I am maybe 2 a week. Its normally 2....and then only on same day.
So for you, it's two times a week but both on the same day? So really, one day a week?

While I think her demand is likely to high, 2-3 times a week is much more typical for an average. Have you considered trying to spread it out a little more often instead of jamming both session into the same day? From your wife's perspective it sounds like a case of a one day feast followed by a six day famine. I can see how she'd be frustrated.

Would you consider a sex schedule? Something say where you'd agree to trying sex once every say three days? Knowing that sex is on the schedule might help you get yourself ready a bit better. Some people have said they've had success with a sex schedule. Additionally, is there anything you like that your wife could do to help get you in the mood? An evening out, playing a game, some foreplay, etc?
 

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Op - how old are you both?

If you Google 'natural ways to boost Testosterone' you will get loads of links.

Some of nights you don't have sex is there any way you would be into any kind of sex-play. She can still get her rocks off and you both get bonding/fun time together.

We've had nights where I'm horny and H isn't...we'll spoon in bed and he will kiss and stroke me while we/I finger or use a sex toy on myself. It's yummy.

I feel loved and H feels no pressure to 'perform'.

Well... that's what works for us! :D
 

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Address your overall fitness

Start a muscle building workout and diet routine. This will increase your testosterone levels. Body Beast from Beachbody is a really good choice. Make sure you are not running a big calorie deficit though. Rapid weight loss is not good for your sex drive.

Address your sexual fitness

Don't listen to who ever said to stop masturbating. If you don't masturbate and only have sex once a week then that is part of your problem. If you start having more frequent orgasms your body will start wanting more orgasms. It's just like exercise, once you starting exercising your body wants and expects to exercise more. I would make sure you have at least 3 orgasms per week, not counting your "round 2". So if you have sex with your wife on say Friday, then make sure to rub one out on Monday and Wednesday. Once you are comfortable with that I would start having sex with your wife on Monday and Wednesday instead of masturbating. Then you can add one or two more solo sessions and gradually sub those out for real sex. Once you are doing it on most days I would still keep the habit of masturbating at least 3 times a week to practice getting aroused and maintaining an erection, but you don't need to cum if you are going to have sex later in the same day. I would also incorporate kegel exercises into your masturbation routine. This will make it easier to get and keep an erection.

Develop your sexual mind

Read and/or write some erotic stories, look at porn, read and think about sex. Having sex on the brain makes you want sex more.
 

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Discussion Starter · #11 ·
I really appreciate all of your responses.....

I am 45 and she is 46. About 5 years I started having some bph issues. Personally, for me, it had adversely affected my sex drive. I just did not feel like myself. My **** felt choked. It is much better now since I got on meds for (oxybutitin and terazosin). I also periodically take cialis for a boost.

I said I do not masturbate but actually I rarely madturbate. Mostly because I had a mild porn addiction and I don't really want to go there again.

Not sure I like the schedule idea because it sounds unexciting .....but its a thought.
 

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Discussion Starter · #14 ·
Are you two overweight? If so how much?
Can she get you hard thru foreplay?

Is the issue hardness, your enjoyment level or both?
She is definitely not overweight ....she is small, petite, hot. I may be a little overweight but I wouldnt say I am fat at all.

Perhaps the issue is my interest.
 

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I really appreciate all of your responses.....

I am 45 and she is 46. About 5 years I started having some bph issues. Personally, for me, it had adversely affected my sex drive. I just did not feel like myself. My **** felt choked. It is much better now since I got on meds for (oxybutitin and terazosin). I also periodically take cialis for a boost.

I said I do not masturbate but actually I rarely madturbate. Mostly because I had a mild porn addiction and I don't really want to go there again.

Not sure I like the schedule idea because it sounds unexciting .....but its a thought.
Your wife is in her "prime" right now (Mid 40's).... I really feel it is almost HARDER on women when we feel our husbands don't desire us...it's just not supposed to be this way, women are more emotional to begin with, so the rejection is very difficult, hurtful...we tend to take it very personally...(even though maybe we shouldn't) .

My husband couldn't keep up with me when I hit 42... I wanted it way more than your wife [email protected]#$%^ I would get really emotional about it sometimes.... play it up in my mind ...I even sent him to get his Test checked !


How is your wife handling this? Do you feel she is hurting, is she making you feel pressured.

1. Sounds like Meds are affecting you - very common. Can you talk to your Doctor.

2. Whatever can REV your sex drive, what turns you on, pushes your buttons....talk to her about it....lingerie? A little watching porn together ? We did that, it was a great SPICER.

3. Any emotional issues not dealt with between the 2 of you, a silent resentment not resolved - to get your emotional connection back on tract?

4. If you are having brain fog, fatigued, falling asleep after work, erection issues, this could be LOW Testosterone..

5. If your wife is in the mood, if she starts working on you... (orally is a great jump start).... does this generally get you going ??

Maybe she could read a few books on Techniques, try some new stuff to make it more exciting for you - I went out of my way to spice things up with my husband when I wanted more ...
.

My favorite >> Passionista: The Empowered Woman's Guide to Pleasuring a Man: Ian Kerner:

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/sex-ma...allowing-our-partner-turn-us-love-making.html
 

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Not sure I like the schedule idea because it sounds unexciting .....but its a thought.

First, it's not so much the excitement factor as it is a means to make a compromise. You want sex 2x a week, she wants it 5x a week. This way, every say three days is 2-3x a week and it's also spread out so not to be all in one day, helping her out as well.

Secondly, there's no reason you can't work on it being fun. Just because it's schedule sex night, that doesn't mean you have to say what kind of sex it will be. Maybe one day you get to decide what goes on in the bedroom and she has to wait to find out, and the next night she gets to pick and you don't find out what's up until you get there. Maybe one night can be dedicate to role playing, or buy a sex game, or sex dice, and let them dictate your evening.There is lots of ways to spice things up. Scheduling sex could be like scheduling a dinner date with some friends. You know you have to show up and have dinner but after that you have no idea what's going to happen, from the food on your plate to the conversation to whether the evening ends there or you go off to a movie or something. Same thing in bed, all you know is your going to the bedroom, but after that anything can happen if you have an open enough mind.
 

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Regarding sex, what's your goal? If it's an exercise to make you feel good (like your porn addiction), then your "drive" is in control. If the goal is to make your wife feel loved, appreciated, and desires, then you'll respond according to her need, without regard for what you need or want. Attending to your needs is your wife's business. Your job is to attend to her's. Emotions are just something you have to feel you aren't obligated to obey them. Whether I feel excited about going to work or not, I show up at the appointed hour and do my thing. I expect you do, too. Whether I feel great or lousy about paying my bills, I still pay them. My hungry kids eat whether I feel hungry or not. If I found an activity unpleasant and I wanted to change, I would do it as often as possible until I had convinced myself the activity was not only not unpleasant but it was a very important part of who I was.
 
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