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Some of you know my story so I will make this brief.

ME: loud, rambunctious,flirty, very sexual, affectionate, and extremely self-conscious. I never hide who I am or what I feel. If my H makes me mad or hurt, I tell him right away to avoid pent up resentment and rage and to ensure that he knows what I am feeling.

HUBBY: extremely shy, major alcoholic (gets drunk every night ignoring my efforts). Before we got married I tried to tell hiim things that I could not live with due to an abusive childhood. When I was growing up, Porno magazines were strewn all over the house, even surrounding the toilet where most people keep their TV guides. My mother gained weight after my brother was born. My father berated her and called her fat arse, pig, stinky, disgusting, you get the idea.

My father used to preach to me that if I ever got married and gained ANY weight, my future hubby would find me disgusting and would not want me anymore, and most assuredly cheat on me OR refuse to touch me.

Well kids, my worst nightmares have come true. Since I got laid off and his business crashed due to the economy, we have both fallen into depression. With depression comes TONS of sleep and not much moving around. We have both gained weight but his weight gain never bothered me.

I have not been cuddled, hugged, kissed, or made love to in almost two years. I have pointed this out to him and he blames his depression and lack of sex drive. However, I catch him watching porn after he thinks I am asleep. His explanation is that he wants to see if his dork still works. That may be true to some extent but fine, you don't want to fcuk me, then how about throwing some affection my way? Asking for a hug is nothing compared to getting a nice hug unsolicited.

Another thing he swore he would never do was drink in our home because he is an unpredictable drunk and turns into someone I don't know. I call his alter-ego RICHARD (short for D!CK).

Some of you may want to tell me to put on something sexy and seduce him. To make the first move. To hug and kiss him first. And about the seducing bit? After all my father told me and working with men who cheated on their wives because their butts got big, THERE IS NO WAY IN HELL I AM GONNA LET HIM SEE ME NAKED.

And NO, marriage counseling is out of the question so don't even bother your fingers typing that in this post. I am currently in IC.

If this is "growing old" with someone, shoot me now. I am waving the white flag.

What I would like is for you guys to tell your stories on this subject matter. No advice, I know what I need to do but that can't be right now.

How many of you men and women are living with a spouse as a room mate? How many of you are starving for attention and affection? How many of you feel the need to beg just to be noticed? How many of you are incredibly lonely even though you share your house with another human being.

Thanks for listening and I can't wait to hear your stories. A pity party table for ONE can get boring and you know what they say, MISERY LOVES COMPANY.

In conclusion I have one thing to say. When I lose this weight and start to feel sexy again, if he even tries to get romantic, I WILL PUNCH HIM IN THE NUTS.
 

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My darling, I WAS living with a roommate. As you know I'm not any more...

Our problem was that sex was all we had I think - we fancied ourselves to be best mates, having loads in common but actually it was just physical attraction. A decade of laying on the sofa smoking weed kind of took its toll and the sex became pretty mundane. There's another thread here where someone mentions that her husband talked a good talk but was actually Mr Vanilla - well that was my ex! Whereas before we'd done it everywhere he would only do it in bed with the damn lights off...

Then when things started to go wrong he started to get ailments every time I made a move. His shoulder hurt, his back was bad, he was soooo tired (not too tired to sit up til 3am smoking doobies). There's only so much rejection a girl can take yes? When your husband comes home from work and you have to ask him to kiss you it's dead.

I used to sit there and think 'is this my life? seriously?'. But because I'm loyal and I believed in my marriage I stuck with him, trying to bring it up and constantly told there was nothing wrong. Until he decided to leave obviously - because what he wanted was always the most important thing

I'm free - it's like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders, I never realised how much I surpressed my personality to fit in with him. Now it's over and I'm ten times happier. I'd rather die alone than be miserable with that selfish wanker

So I'm sorry my story has a happy ending, I know you want misery - but I was miserable for aaaaaaaages I promise! Ha!

mwah mwah
 

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Some of you know my story so I will make this brief.

ME: loud, rambunctious,flirty, very sexual, affectionate, and extremely self-conscious. I never hide who I am or what I feel. If my H makes me mad or hurt, I tell him right away to avoid pent up resentment and rage and to ensure that he knows what I am feeling.

HUBBY: extremely shy, major alcoholic (gets drunk every night ignoring my efforts). Before we got married I tried to tell hiim things that I could not live with due to an abusive childhood. When I was growing up, Porno magazines were strewn all over the house, even surrounding the toilet where most people keep their TV guides. My mother gained weight after my brother was born. My father berated her and called her fat arse, pig, stinky, disgusting, you get the idea.

My father used to preach to me that if I ever got married and gained ANY weight, my future hubby would find me disgusting and would not want me anymore, and most assuredly cheat on me OR refuse to touch me.

Well kids, my worst nightmares have come true. Since I got laid off and his business crashed due to the economy, we have both fallen into depression. With depression comes TONS of sleep and not much moving around. We have both gained weight but his weight gain never bothered me.

I have not been cuddled, hugged, kissed, or made love to in almost two years. I have pointed this out to him and he blames his depression and lack of sex drive. However, I catch him watching porn after he thinks I am asleep. His explanation is that he wants to see if his dork still works. That may be true to some extent but fine, you don't want to fcuk me, then how about throwing some affection my way? Asking for a hug is nothing compared to getting a nice hug unsolicited.

Another thing he swore he would never do was drink in our home because he is an unpredictable drunk and turns into someone I don't know. I call his alter-ego RICHARD (short for D!CK).

Some of you may want to tell me to put on something sexy and seduce him. To make the first move. To hug and kiss him first. And about the seducing bit? After all my father told me and working with men who cheated on their wives because their butts got big, THERE IS NO WAY IN HELL I AM GONNA LET HIM SEE ME NAKED.

And NO, marriage counseling is out of the question so don't even bother your fingers typing that in this post. I am currently in IC.

If this is "growing old" with someone, shoot me now. I am waving the white flag.

What I would like is for you guys to tell your stories on this subject matter. No advice, I know what I need to do but that can't be right now.

How many of you men and women are living with a spouse as a room mate? How many of you are starving for attention and affection? How many of you feel the need to beg just to be noticed? How many of you are incredibly lonely even though you share your house with another human being.

Thanks for listening and I can't wait to hear your stories. A pity party table for ONE can get boring and you know what they say, MISERY LOVES COMPANY.

In conclusion I have one thing to say. When I lose this weight and start to feel sexy again, if he even tries to get romantic, I WILL PUNCH HIM IN THE NUTS.
Well, your username is appropriate.

You two have more issues than the New York Times!

I was involved in alcoholic relationships. I was a drug and alcohol counselor. And I wouldn't BEGIN to touch on your issues if I tried to address them here!

Forget pity party. It just makes you more comfortable with the bad things going on in your life. Please get yourself to some Al-Anon meetings.
 

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I'm in a roommate situation now. We've been married for most of 14 years. When we married, I weighed around 230 and she around 160, that was 1999. By 2007, she increased to around 260+. At that time, she had weight loss surgery and dropped to 170+.

By 2010, I had increased to 267. At that point, I had weight loss surgery. In about a year and a half, I dropped to the mid 170's, and have maintained that weight.

For her, since she hit 170+, she is somewhere over 230. She won't say how much, but she looks a big as before the surgery.

I really have no desire to touch her in a sexual manner, which is okay, she in not interested anyway.

And..... I have no idea if my equipment will work for penetration anymore. It has only been by hand (her's or mine) since 2001.
 

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I was in a dysfunctional marriage and a little overweight. I got very fit working out two hours a day running five miles and lifting weights. Had what i felt was my perfect bikini body. Hubby never noticed. It made absolutely no difference. I am now divorced and remarried.

Because you are so self conscious about your weight I suggest you join a gym. I know finding the motivation to go when you are depressed is difficult. I am struggling with finding motivation myself. I do think your weight is feeding your depression. It is a vicious cycle. Depression makes you unmotivated to get physical activity and being overweight makes you more depressed. You need to try and break that cycle.

Having the perfect body may not solve your marriage problems. He may not even notice as in my case, but it will give you options if you need to move on.
 
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