i have come to a conclusion

Jeffs_acc said:

I had an older thread talking about wanting a separation. http://talkaboutmarriage.com/genera...n/62179-need-help-thinking-about-divorce.html

I have been talking with her about separating and she has been telling me that she will do what it takes to stay together. Which sounds great but I'm wondering if I'm falling out of love with her.I have been feeling that the main problem is that I always have to make all the decisions. Yes she is supportive, but is it possible that she is overly reliant on me.

From small to big decisions, like moving out of state, to deciding what store to shop at, all decisions always have to go through me. It makes me feel like my wife has no opinion or drive and it is really uninspiring. I want to, just for once have someone push me and show me new things. My wife has no hobbies and no friends and never plans anything for us...I just wish I had someone who was willing to teach me something new and exciting, i feel like I'm married to myself... I'm so sick of dealing with this on top of my loneliness it makes me feel like I want to be single for a couple years so I can figure out my life.

Click to expand...

Eh... sounds like you can get out and learn new and exciting things anytime you want to. She's your wife, not your mother. If you're lacking excitement, it's up to you to satisfy your needs.

You're feeling unwilling to honor your commitment because she defers to you in all things? You decided to marry her because of who she is, and now you want to breach your own agreement!

Every marriage has grounds for divorce if you want to look for and focus on them. Good marriages don't do that. Instead, they look for and focus on the great things that the marriage has. In your case, you have a wife who treats you as the most important part of your lives together. I'd guess this is preferable to someone who treats you as unimportant? You say she is overly reliant upon you. What would happen if you didn't allow her to rely on you for some things?

Jeffs_acc said:

I had an older thread talking about wanting a separation. http://talkaboutmarriage.com/genera...n/62179-need-help-thinking-about-divorce.html

I have been talking with her about separating and she has been telling me that she will do what it takes to stay together. Which sounds great but I'm wondering if I'm falling out of love with her.I have been feeling that the main problem is that I always have to make all the decisions. Yes she is supportive, but is it possible that she is overly reliant on me.

From small to big decisions, like moving out of state, to deciding what store to shop at, all decisions always have to go through me. It makes me feel like my wife has no opinion or drive and it is really uninspiring. I want to, just for once have someone push me and show me new things. My wife has no hobbies and no friends and never plans anything for us...I just wish I had someone who was willing to teach me something new and exciting, i feel like I'm married to myself... I'm so sick of dealing with this on top of my loneliness it makes me feel like I want to be single for a couple years so I can figure out my life.

Click to expand...

I need not read your other thread.

Do you think she finds you controlling so is nervous about making decisions in fear of your reaction?

Is there a possibility she is depressed?

Are you saying she cannot make ANY shopping decisions? So if she needs to buy food, she asks you where she should go? Do you answer with Safeway or another store?

Why can't you say "You decide." Period.

No friends or hobbies? Will she read a book, cruise the net, read a magazine because reading IS a hobby.

Does she work? Do you have children?

You paint a picture of a very small child who needs Mommy & Daddy to make all the decisions.

Is it possible that you are simply unhappy, have fallen out of love, want out so are picking her apart looking for "good" reasons to leave so you do not look like a "bad guy?"

Emerald said:

Is it possible that you are simply unhappy, have fallen out of love, want out so are picking her apart looking for "good" reasons to leave so you do not look like a "bad guy?"

Click to expand...

I can't help feeling that you are* looking for excuses. You list only two main things that are driving you to this decision: her catering to your wishes and her "not having a life". I cater to my husband's wishes all the time. I always try to make him decide where we eat or what we do, because this way, I know he's happy and that we're doing something he genuinely wants to do. Only when I really don't want to do something do I speak up. This is my way of trying to make him happy. Have you considered that perhaps your wife is just doing the same? And if it really bothers you that much, why not just not make a decision and have her choose? This seems like a really small reason for divorce.

As per her hobbies and lifestyle, I can't say much without knowing what each of your days look like. If she's just not as outgoing or active as you, it doesn't necessarily mean she doesn't have her own life. Some people relax and wind down in different ways. I would think that you two would have gotten to know these sides of each other while dating. You say you want someone to teach you new things, but what new things are you teaching her?

I feel like a lot of your problems might be solved if you just talked to her. What are her views on this? Do neither of you wish to work on your marriage anymore, or is it just you who's feeling this way? Marriages are never the fireworks people assume they are, their passion is like burning coal: intense and subtle. Home life needs to be stable, and people often mistake that for boring.