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Feeling alone, misunderstood, and unsure of what to do, I made this account on a whim with tears in my eyes because I didn’t know who else to turn to.

My husband loves his video games. And recently during the pandemic hes been playing a lot more than usual (understandable). In the beginning of covid, I felt like all I saw him do was curl up in the couch with his switch and play endlessly as I spent time with his mom, his sister, and our brother-in-law (we were quarantining together). I wished he desired to spend quality time with his family than alone by himself. And it just wasn’t the most attractive to me.

We had a lot of open discussions about it where I would say I didn’t really like how much time he was spending playing, how I felt like he would make all this time for his games but not for me, etc etc. And he’s apologize, say he didn’t want to play very much anymore, then go right back to it the next day as if we never had the conversation. It felt hurtful to me, like a slap in the face. We would get into arguments about it and I would say that I don’t hate the video games I just hate how much he plays. Then we established more boundaries where he would only play a certain amount of time a week. Which lasted... a week or 2 then he was back to playing every other night for 2, 3, 4 hours a night.

And last night he played 7 hours. Until 5 am when we had plans this morning to get brunch and hang out. I felt like my time was disrespected. We had plans and I knew he was going to be sluggish all day, exhausted from having only slept 2-3 hrs. I’ve told him so many times that I wish he would just prioritize us and make time for us the way he makes time for his video games. He finds time to play for 7 hours but I don’t remember the last time he took me out on a date. A proper one, not one where we were like I’m bored wanna go out to eat? I know with covid it’s hard, but there are creative ways to spend time together that I’ve been begging him to do.

I just want to feel like he thinks of me and wants to spend time with me. We spend so much time together because we’re trapped in the apartment, but it’s not the same as making time for one another. I always complain about how he isn’t really listening to me when I tell him how I really feel about his video games and he just says “fine, I’ll just never play again.” Or “I’ll just put it away so I won’t play” but then 2 days later he says “hey I’m gonna play okay?” I don’t want to be controlling or possessive and say no. I know he needs his alone time...

Help. Do I sound crazy? Am I just being too sensitive? He really is thoughtful and he loves me and cares about me, but I tell him over and over again that I feel like his excessive playing is damaging our relationship and it feels like blatant disrespect with how much he continues to play anyway. He’s 28 years old and has been struggling to find an actual job for 2 years now. With odd jobs on and off and with covid, he hasn’t been working. I know he’s been looking for work. But every time I see him spend so many hours playing, I think... he could’ve been working on getting a job. It just ... not the greatest situation. And I feel so discouraged.
 

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@Meganlovesdogs, I added paragraphs to your post because a lot of people will not read a wall of text. You will get more and bettter input this way.

Now I need to go take my dog for away before the temperature outside gets too hot. I'll be back to read your post. :)
 

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I went through the same thing after I lost my business of 15 years. I got hooked on playing Scrabble online and couldn't stop. The problem is a person loses their identity after losing their job. They don't know who they are anymore unless they already have another job waiting. And then, after initially trying to find a job but nothing materializes, it really plays havoc on the psyche, self-esteem, and sense of worth, all of which make it hard to imagine the future as a worthwhile person compounded with more self-doubt and fear of rejection. It causes a real mental and emotional health issue. What may be kind of surprising is he, himself, may not be aware of the effect it has had on him.

He honestly desperately needs to play those video games because they occupy his mind on an intensely-focused and continual basis. He not only gets to avoid things he finds hard to think about, but he derives some sense of challenge, reward, and accomplishment along with enjoyment. The constant and exciting release of dopamine and endorphins hormones keep him high. This is the reason he needs to play. It's all very addicting.

It's not uncommon for the person's marriage/relationship(s) to suffer. He really isn't able to focus on you right now. There is a sense of failure that he's dealing with, and that includes feeling he isn't the same person to you anymore. He has to be different in your eyes because he's different to himself. Again, he may not be consciously aware of any of this because he's busy trying to bury himself in video games that help him escape into a constant state of occupation.

You can look it up to better understand what he's going through and how you might be able to help him. You might consider applying for jobs jor him. Since you'll have to be asking him questions to complete applications, it might help to draw him to the table. But be aware also that it might upset him. If it does, then just withdraw and apologize. Don't let it turn into an argument.

What used to be termed football widows have now been joined by video game and pornography widows. For the past 20 or so years that I have noticed, the number of pastime and addiction widows have been growing. No doubt they are in the tens of millions by now. Most are at a loss for what to do. Some are able to get their men into some kind of pornography or video game addiction program.

And speaking of pornography, it is very common for wifey to think hubby is constantly playing video games because that is what he tells her he's doing when in reality, he's watching porn, signing up on dating sites, and/or communicating with women on the sites or with prostitutes while using video games as a cover. Many are doing all these things or any number of them. I'm not saying this stuff is what your husband is doing. I'm saying you should check to find out. With no job, an idle mind is you know who's playground.

In case you need these:
Video Game Treatment Programs
Pornography Treatment Programs
 

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If he's at home sitting on his ass, 2-4 hours a day isn't much assuming he is helping around the house, taking his family out, spending time with you etc.

What else does he do in the other 20 hrs of his day either than sleep?
 

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Sounds to me like he's depressed, and using video gaming as an escape. Depression is a beast, especially for men who's instinct is to suck it up and soldier through.
 

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Feeling alone, misunderstood, and unsure of what to do, I made this account on a whim with tears in my eyes because I didn’t know who else to turn to.

My husband loves his video games. And recently during the pandemic hes been playing a lot more than usual (understandable). In the beginning of covid, I felt like all I saw him do was curl up in the couch with his switch and play endlessly as I spent time with his mom, his sister, and our brother-in-law (we were quarantining together). I wished he desired to spend quality time with his family than alone by himself. And it just wasn’t the most attractive to me.

We had a lot of open discussions about it where I would say I didn’t really like how much time he was spending playing, how I felt like he would make all this time for his games but not for me, etc etc. And he’s apologize, say he didn’t want to play very much anymore, then go right back to it the next day as if we never had the conversation. It felt hurtful to me, like a slap in the face. We would get into arguments about it and I would say that I don’t hate the video games I just hate how much he plays. Then we established more boundaries where he would only play a certain amount of time a week. Which lasted... a week or 2 then he was back to playing every other night for 2, 3, 4 hours a night.

And last night he played 7 hours. Until 5 am when we had plans this morning to get brunch and hang out. I felt like my time was disrespected. We had plans and I knew he was going to be sluggish all day, exhausted from having only slept 2-3 hrs. I’ve told him so many times that I wish he would just prioritize us and make time for us the way he makes time for his video games. He finds time to play for 7 hours but I don’t remember the last time he took me out on a date. A proper one, not one where we were like I’m bored wanna go out to eat? I know with covid it’s hard, but there are creative ways to spend time together that I’ve been begging him to do.

I just want to feel like he thinks of me and wants to spend time with me. We spend so much time together because we’re trapped in the apartment, but it’s not the same as making time for one another. I always complain about how he isn’t really listening to me when I tell him how I really feel about his video games and he just says “fine, I’ll just never play again.” Or “I’ll just put it away so I won’t play” but then 2 days later he says “hey I’m gonna play okay?” I don’t want to be controlling or possessive and say no. I know he needs his alone time...

Help. Do I sound crazy? Am I just being too sensitive? He really is thoughtful and he loves me and cares about me, but I tell him over and over again that I feel like his excessive playing is damaging our relationship and it feels like blatant disrespect with how much he continues to play anyway. He’s 28 years old and has been struggling to find an actual job for 2 years now. With odd jobs on and off and with covid, he hasn’t been working. I know he’s been looking for work. But every time I see him spend so many hours playing, I think... he could’ve been working on getting a job. It just ... not the greatest situation. And I feel so discouraged.
As a 31 year old married woman with two kids and a husband who during covid has not had to really work because everything is through zoom, I understand what you are going through. My husbands bad habits that use to not really be disruptive
Have gotten out of hand because all the time hes got on his hands. ( my husband likes to collect cards and online gambling) sounds like your husband has got too much time and not a lot of motivation. I think you should sit down with him and find out why hes choosing to spend so many hours playing video games and why he seems uninterested in much else. It truly could be depression. Many people right now with covid are having a tough time mentally. All you can do is listen and encourage him to get help if he truly is depressed.
 

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excuses, excuses, excuses. whatever any one is saying about losing your identity because you lost your job, and now is poor, poor me. ********, weak minded people that can't cope with the situation and just let go of themselves.
OP you only have two ways to solve this crap: 1. put up and shut up, or 2. kick him to the curve. Otherwise, nagging will accomplish nothing.
 

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You're not being crazy. He's using these videogames to isolate himself and not be involved with the family. Since you already have an agreement, why not unplug and put the videogame machine in the trunk of your car when he's agreed not to play it -- like you'd do a 10 year old? Or better yet, why don't you just plan something to leave the house and go do and be gone all afternoon yourself and stop cooking and cleaning up after him and his relatives and put him on the spot to take care of it. You're enabling him by doing all this.

And you need to face facts. He doesn't want to spend much time with you or his family and that's a fact. So stop hoping he does and making the videogames go away will make him want to, because it won't. But you do have a right to have your own life. Go drive somewhere or just get a hotel room and relax since it's covid times.
 

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I don’t think your being crazy at all. It’s pretty clear he is more interested in his games. Let’s put the COVID thing aside due to the fact you already said he can’t keep a job over the last couple years. He sounds like a #1 grade A .....uummmm.....LOSER.
 
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