[ajroo]

My husband cheated...out of the blue, no signs at all. he actually broke up our marriage over skype, 3 thousand miles from home. I found his emails to his HS crush, and first he tried to deny it, then he finally launched an all out verbal assault on me. He came back after his military training, and it was hell. I have been called every name in the book, to my face and to others. I have begged, pleaded, and so on... in the beginning. I would not accept it. He kept right on going, then he added his ex wife into the picture as well. I sit here wondering why all this happened, and why I miss him at all. I do not miss this new "him". I hate this person. I do miss the guy who I have loved for 14 years. The same caring person I thought I would spend the rest of my life with. We had so much in common, did almost everything together, and loved the life we made. My daughter and I were everything to him. He loved his family and did everything he could to surprise us and make us happy. But this person? Who is he? He has reinvented himself. I am blown away at how cruel he has become. It is as if we are enemies, yet he did this to me. He has a child with his ex, and had not seen the kid in 7 years. (The ex did not want him to be in the kids life because she and he could not stand one another). Somehow, while he was away he reconnected with all these people. The HS crush, the ex and his kid with her are his top priorities. Although he has been back for about 3 weeks, he has yet to spend any significant time with our daughter. In fact, when he planned to go on a day trip with us, he canceled, telling my daughter that he was eating lunch with his ex and their son and that I should take her (we did end up going, she and I). He got himself a deluxe apartment, and told me to go look in the crappy areas for a cheap place to live. He spends every waking minute texting these women. Before he left my home, he would slip away, say he was one place, catch himself in a lie, and then claim I was crazy. I am hurt so bad I dont think I will ever be the same. I used to love the holidays, but now I am dreading them. I dont have family (parents dead, no siblings), and I know my friends are probably tired of hearing the same thing over and over. I miss what I had, and I cant believe its over, just like that. Sometimes, I wonder what is wrong with me. He is enjoying himself, made it clear he doesnt ever want our marriage, and although I am a smart person, I feel like a fool. What the hell happened?

 

[Honeystly]

ajroo, I am so sorry that you are going through this. It resonates with me, as a similar transformation occurred in my life too. I'd love to tell you that he will be back to normal, but I don't think he will. Perhaps something happened to him while he was away, maybe he snapped.... I really don't know. The only thing that comes to my mind is that perhaps the signs were there all along, just very subtle. You say he didn't see his kid and ex wife up until now.... Perhaps that was foreshadowing how he treats his exes to you. If he did this to her, why not to somebody else? I don't know what he told you about her, but it was possibly a bunch of bullshiit... When my stbxh left for another girl, he cut out his kids for a few months. Wouldn't even text me back (he left me with a newborn and a toddler). My point is, he does contact me now, so I think perhaps it is temporary... Although, if he did that to his other child, who knows? He seems apt at compartmentalizing. He's a bastard, by the sounds of it. Keep us updated, and take it ONE day at a time. Whatever he did, will come out into the light eventually. I only found out about all the messed up crap mine did about 2 months after. Find yourself a good shrink. I live away from all my family and friends too, and IC has been my saving grace. Stay strong for your daughter. I'm sorry.

 

[EleGirl]

Sorry to hear that you have this going on in your life.

At this point the only thing you can do is to move on with your life. If you do that then you will hurt a lot more. And if he wakes up one day realizing that he made a big mistake, he will be lucky if you consider taking him back. But who knows by then you might have fallen out of love with him.

What you need to do is to interact with him according to the 180 in my signature block below.

Go see an attorney and file for divorce. You and your daughter have rights and he will have to step up to them.

 

[ajroo]

All I can say with everything that is going on is that I can't believe that he is capable of all of this. But, he is. Reality outweighs any hopes I may have had for things to change and be different. His priority is his new single "man about town" lifestyle. I dont know if he was always this way or not. Looking back, he doesnt seem to be able to handle his own emotions. With him its all or nothing. So, he dumps me, starts to hate me, and then without thinking twice he is 100% into this homewrecker. Not a pang of guilt. Thats why its been so easy for him. Hes moved on already, while I am stuck in this self-inflicted pain. The better part of me says I need to not care at all because while I am busy hurting over him, he is laying in some ****'s bed. It is hard to make this transition from being in what I thought was a good marriage with a loving partner to what i am living now. And it is harder to watch him spend money freely on whatever and whoever he wants, while I sit here borrowing money to move. And my daughter doesnt know about his cheating; I struggle every day not to tell her. Sometimes, I think it is the right thing to keep quiet about it, other times I second guess myself and wonder if at 13 she has the right to know why everything went this way. I just dont know.

 

[oncehisangel]

hey aj
honey my heart breaks for you.
Im going through the same feelings right now. Our once loving hubbys are now taken over by aliens aren't they?

Im nine weeks into mine leaving and although I can't be sure of another woman I have my suspicions.

Try and take a breath for you and start focusing on you getting stronger. Baby steps. Hugs x