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You have just been EMOTIONALLY ABUSED for SO LONG, that you're all screwed up in the head by his manipulations and pity party.

Tell him NO, and MEAN IT. If you try this program for 6 weeks, you KNOW IN YOUR HEART OF HEARTS he isn't REALLY going to try to make LASTING changes. He'll make JUST ENOUGH change to say, 'Look at how HARD I'm trying!' And as soon as you're back to stay, he'll be back to being a douche-bag! All it will do is make you have to make the same declaration 6 weeks from now and then he'll be saying 'You were just stringing me along. Look HOW HARD *I've* worked...and for what? You got the kids' hopes up FOR NOTHING!' All a bunch of manipulative LIES, but he'll tell them to you nonetheless.

He has had THIRTEEN Y-E-A-R-S to get on the same page as you, and has he BOTHERED? Hell, no!

He has had THREE SOLID YEARS to do the things that needed to be done, make the changes that needed to be made since THE LAST TIME you couldn't take any more of his emotional abuse. Did he BOTHER to make the changes? Hell, no!

Trying to FORCE you into GROUP SEX?!? WTF is his problem? That's only okay if you're BOTH OKAY with it.

Websites for himself to get involved in group sex? Feel free, buddy, just don't bring your skanky azz home to me and expect me to take the leftovers. Signed up 'just to look around', yeah. And Jerry Sandusky is just a BIG VICTIM of a conspiracy by everybody he's ever known. uh-huh!

YOU are teaching your children (by example) HOW to be grown men and women. You are teaching them (by example) HOW to be husbands/wives, what a marriage looks like, what they should expect, how to model their own marriages. DOES THIS LOOK LIKE SOMETHING YOU'D WANT TO SEE YOUR CHILDREN DEALING WITH IN 20 YEARS?

If you would be ASHAMED to let your children read the things you've written about your husband, then you should be ASHAMED to stay married to him and have him be a daily, living, example of a man and a husband. DO BETTER FOR YOUR CHILDREN THAN THIS!

You have NEVER been with any man except your husband. You've been with him since you were 17yo. I would guess you're somewhat concerned about life after him, life without him. Well, honey, it can't be WORSE than being with a man who has NO RESPECT for you as a person, as a woman, as a wife, as the mother of his children. ANYTHING after this is pretty much gravy.

You CAN do so much better for yourself and your children. You need to LEAVE THIS MARRIAGE N-O-W!

1.) Talk to a divorce attorney about you and the kids leaving the home or having your husband leave the home. Tell him about the website and the attempt to force you into group sex against your will. If your H tries to make a play to have the children, WHAT WILL THEY SEE when they're spending visitation time (overnight) at his house? (*shudder*)

2.) Get into IC immediately. Don't say you don't have money; look for free, low-cost, sliding-scale therapy. Ask via women's crisis lines (because you are DEFINITELY ABUSED) for direction to affordable therapy, housing, working on job skills (if necessary), etc.

3.) Enlist your family's HELP in this matter. If your parents are supportive of you, then EXPLAIN to them the problems you have had with your H. He will TRY TO MANIPULATE THEM and everyone around your marriage. You need to pre-empt him by getting to them FIRST with THE TRUTH.

4.) Be sure to talk to your counselor about your kids and see if THEY will need assistance.

Keep coming to TAM for people who WILL SUPPORT YOU! Many of us have been RIGHT EXACTLY WHERE YOU ARE (some even with the same group-sex problems), others have been in similar situations or know close friends/relatives who have.

No-one is here to judge you! We ALL have lived through screwed-up marriages (some are still in them trying to find some sanity, some answers); that's why we came to TAM JUST LIKE YOU. To find some answers, some non-judgemental advice, a shoulder to cry on, a place to vent, whatever you need (literally 24/7 since people are on here from around the world).

Hang tough, Lynn! You're fighting for yourself AND your kids!
 
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