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I had an emotional affair!!

2210 Views 4 Replies 4 Participants Last post by  Jasel, 
J
A little background information. My husband and I have been married for 10 years and it was an arranged marriage which is very common in my culture. My husband is a nice guy but he is not very romantic and we dont connect emotionally. We have 2 kids so most of my time is spent with the kids whereas most of the time my husband would just do his stuff and we barely talk about anything apart from kids and never do any couple stuff together. Last year I met a guy online and emotionally we connected. He gave me what was lacking in my relationship with my husband. I carried on this affair for 6 months but never slept with him. One day I was with my kids and realised my kids and family are worth more to me than the need to be loved and to feel like I matter. I ended everything with this online guy and have been trying real hard with my husband. I tell him everyday I love him, give him hugs as he leaves for work. He doesnt say I love you back as he says its not in his nature to do so ( one of the reasons I felt special with the online guy). I have realised that for the sake of my kids, I will try my best to work it out with my husband despite his shortcomings.
Everything has been good for a year but this past week my sister has been giving me hints that she knew about my affair ( I am guessing she must have read my emails from last year) and she makes up stuff like I know a woman who had an online affair and stuff and women like should just die etc. She says stuff like their husbands should leave them and they should rot in hell. My sister had a love marriage and she dated her husband for many years before marrying him. I was the shy one so didnt have enough courage to date. I am really trying to make things work with my husband and my sister is not helping. I know I did wrong and there is no excuse for it but do I have to pay for it for the rest of my life? I hv been so depressed. Any advice on how I can make things better? Thanks in advice.
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Kasler
How to make things better?

Tell your husband, in fact this may be good for your marriage.

Despite his emotional distance the affair was in no was his fault, it was solely your own and you need to tell him this.

Afterwards this may make him more emotionally available for you in the long run.

Your sister knows. You HAVE to tell cause sooner or later, and possibly without even meaning to shes gonna let it slip. She doesn't even have to spill to your husband.

If you're in the kind of culture thats common for arranged marriages, then rumors of infidelity would spread like wildfire, and it will eventually get around to him or someone close to him who would blow the whistle.

Finding out from a 3rd party or having to snoop for it is 10x worse than being told by one's spouse.

Confess, ride out the storm, and build a stronger more emotional marriage in the aftermath.
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I always thought that arranger marriage is one of the things that should be outlawed LOL. I guess I am from a sorta completely different culture. I would say that in your situation I would ask the husband to work on your marriage and would tell him that it is serious, because you are on the verge of divorce, and your emotional affair is actually a prove how serious it is. But I am not sure if it is acceptable in your culture. I hope your husband is nice and understanding indeed.
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Jasel
Kasler said:
How to make things better?

Tell your husband, in fact this may be good for your marriage.

Despite his emotional distance the affair was in no was his fault, it was solely your own and you need to tell him this.

Afterwards this may make him more emotionally available for you in the long run.

Your sister knows. You HAVE to tell cause sooner or later, and possibly without even meaning to shes gonna let it slip. She doesn't even have to spill to your husband.

If you're in the kind of culture thats common for arranged marriages, then rumors of infidelity would spread like wildfire, and it will eventually get around to him or someone close to him who would blow the whistle.

Finding out from a 3rd party or having to snoop for it is 10x worse than being told by one's spouse.

Confess, ride out the storm, and build a stronger more emotional marriage in the aftermath.
Click to expand...
She might want to be careful though. No idea what country or culture she's from but in some places adultery is outright illegal and is punished. And it's usually much moreso for women than men.
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Jasel
Wish I had some more constructive advice but your best bet atm is probably trying to keep talking to your husband and letting him know how you feel.

And in your case from what you've said I would not mention the affair to anyone. Family or otherwise.
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