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Hi. My name is Samantha. I ran away from home to marry my lover illegally, and now I’m pregnant with twins. My family cut me off entirely out of shame, I have no support. It’s really hard to cope with everything, and although my husband is right beside me throughout all of it, I often wonder if I made the wrong choice. I just need support, yknow?
 

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How long have you been married? Does your husband have family that will support you?
 

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I did the same stupid thing at 17, except I didn't run away. Mine was a shotgun wedding because I was pregnant, and it was my mother making me do it, not him. She and my sisters planned the whole wedding. The only thing I picked out was the cake. And then I was told I better show up. LOL

I'm 60 years old now and can look back and call it stupid because that's what it was for me, but it doesn't have to be that for you. I can tell you that you have a long and hard road ahead. One baby was hard for me at 17 with no support. I can't imagine what twins will be like for you with no support. But you can do it. I did it and women do it every day. But to tell you the cold, hard truth is to let you know you're not going to like it. You will love your babies and they will the most important things in the world to you but still being young and just a teenager, you will long for your youth and freedom. And you will pray for sleep and just a moment's privacy. Check out some books and websites to help you through learning how to be a new mommy, getting babies on a schedule, and all that jazz. You need all the help you can get, so don't think you know everything just by instinct because you don't. And don't let daddy leave you to do the woman's work. He should be helping to feed and care for the babies, helping keep the house clean, and helping with the cooking. Don't allow him to expect you to do it all.

Obviously, I can't predict what will happen in the future but based on the way I've seen these types of situations pan out, I'm thinking the likelihood is that your family will come around. Once those babies are born, grandmas and grandpas can't stay away. They're just angry with you for doing what they consider to have ruined your life. No doubt they had high hopes and expectations of you finishing school and going to college and meeting a great college guy with both of you on paths to great careers. That's usually the dream parents have but like I said, they usually come around. My mom did. After my wedding, she hardly spoke to me and when she did, she made a point of making it quite unpleasant.

But you know what? She was the bestest grandma in the world. I couldn't have made it without her help. I fell in love with her when I was 27, and we became so close. That's also something that happens with young adults. People get to an age where they begin to appreciate their parents and much more easily identify with them. I spent 3 weeks of the first gulf war hanging out with her. We laid across her bed with my head on her hip, while she schooled me in the war and a lot of history going back centuries. So many things became clear and more understandable to me. I didn't know until then that my mom was so knowledgeable and intelligent. She became my best friend.

I wanted to share that tidbit in hopes of cheering you up and letting you know your family will probably get over their anger. What is more, my mom apologized to me for being so angry about my pregnancy.

And you? You will survive. I've lived a good life. While I didn't become the lawyer I once thought I would, I did go back to school for my degree and had some pretty great jobs in addition to my own business that I operated for 15 years. So, don't let this decision you made define you. Be sure to get your education so you never have to be dependent on anyone, and so that you can raise your children by yourself if you ever have to. Just please oh please no more pregnancies until after your first degree at least. The more kids you have, the less likely you'll go back to school or the longer you will take. Make it your mission.
 

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Hi. My name is Samantha. I ran away from home to marry my lover illegally, and now I’m pregnant with twins. My family cut me off entirely out of shame, I have no support. It’s really hard to cope with everything, and although my husband is right beside me throughout all of it, I often wonder if I made the wrong choice. I just need support, yknow?
How long have you been married?

When are your twins due?

When you say that you married illegally, do you mean that you were under the legal age to consent to marriage in your state? How old is your husband?

It's good that your husband is right there beside you. That great.

Since your family has cut you off, you would do well to build a new support system. If your husband has family that you can lean on, start there. You also should meet other women and couples near your own age. You can make friend and give support to each other.

A good place to start meeting people is on the site meetup.com. The site lists all sorts of things going on in your area. You might want to look for groups that are things like play groups ... groups were women get together and socialize while their children play. There might be a group for parents of twins who can help each other out.

If you want your family in your life, they might come around when you can show them that you are doing fine. Doing something like sending them pictures of your twins when they are born and keeping them informed might help that. There's nothing like grandchildren to melt the hearts of most people.
 
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