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Polygraph - done. Result within two weeks.
Told her to lawyer up as I will be consulting with one soon. She said she doesn't need one. She said I am a just and reasonable man and she will sign legal papers that need signing.
I told her I need some time alone to navigate my way out of this mess. She agreed. I will be bringing her and the kids to her Mom's place.
Two weeks for polygraph results? What's that all about? They know instantly what the results are.
 

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Also, I'll go way out on a limb here and predict that she passes the polygraph. Somehow I think she's telling the truth. I hope she is.
 

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I remember the part about her telling you she isn’t sorry .... only sorry for getting caught.
Who cares about a polygraph.... get a lawyer
 

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Discussion Starter · #65 ·
Two weeks for polygraph results? What's that all about? They know instantly what the results are.
It's unusual, I know.

My next course of action depends on the result of the test that would affect so many lives, so I did not simply bring her to whomever is available to administer it.
Truth is all that matters to me that I have to reach out to some people who know people who can help me ferret out the truth with the least possible margin of error.

The result would strictly be for my own guidance and I cannot present it in court. I had to sign NDA before my request got the needed indorsement.

I pray that all my decisions be properly guided and for the best.
 

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It's unusual, I know.

My next course of action depends on the result of the test that would affect so many lives, so I did not simply bring her to whomever is available to administer it.
Truth is all that matters to me that I have to reach out to some people who know people who can help me ferret out the truth with the least possible margin of error.

The result would strictly be for my own guidance and I cannot present it in court. I had to sign NDA before my request got the needed indorsement.

I pray that all my decisions be properly guided and for the best.
I am so sorry that you are here. When I was dating my now W, she told me about her CSA within three months.

And during those three months, we were not serious at all. You have received A-1 advice here.

Great W for 20 years and all of a sudden...... But she has the golden excuse. Plus she isn't sorry she did it, just

that she got caught. I have never participated in a R..... but I know many who have. If your W has a full time job then she should move out.

Don't keep the kids from her.... do a 50/50. Unless your kids are in their teens, then they can have say in decision.

You retain the home and most likely, offer spousal support but only if your earning balance is over 67 / 33.

Finalize the D and THEN.... if you wish to entertain any possibility of a re-connect..... maybe. That's just covering yourself.

This route is only if there IS truth in what her story holds. Personally.... I don't buy it.

1-Never told you about CSA in 20+ years..... M has no secrets if successful
2-I'm sorry I was caught, not sorry I did it
3-You seem to be doing all the work..... asking questions, preparing "set" and "settings"... that is the cheating spouse's
job if they want things to work out.

Lastly.... I am nearing 50. Accumulated friends along the way from all walks of life. Several are participants of the sites you mentioned.

They are sites set up for one reason, and one reason only. You do not go to these places to "chat."

To grab a guy's attention.... talk dirty, do a live cam, and post revealing pics. If not... the guys move on quite fast.

Always remember..... women trade sex for attention. Men trade attention for sex. Guess who told me that over 30 years ago..... a female!
 
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Correct. A polygraph test result is not admissible evidence in a court in the United States.
 

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Polygraph - done. Result within two weeks.
Told her to lawyer up as I will be consulting with one soon. She said she doesn't need one. She said I am a just and reasonable man and she will sign legal papers that need signing.
I told her I need some time alone to navigate my way out of this mess. She agreed. I will be bringing her and the kids to her Mom's place.
Wait so you don’t have the results for two weeks but you’re still going to leave?? Or did she confess to something?
 

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Good -- what were the questions asked that she passed?
She was sorry not because she regret doing it but because I discovered it and was hurt by it.
So, THIS is super important -- she needs individual counseling to look into this and why she felt it was ok to break her vows. This is a pretty serious character flaw for someone who is married.
She did not go live with whomever she was chatting with and she never gave anyone any photo or video of her.
Do you have a copy of the chat texts? Did she give them to you and/or details of what she did?
Her disclosure of being sexually molested when she was young made me feel sorry for her and her firm denial of physical contact somewhat made me soften my stance
Being molested is NOT a free pass to cheat when married. She needs serious help to overcome this and learn WHY she was ok with cheating, and how to NOT have this happen again.

Hopefully, you have full, free access to all of her devices and accounts....
 

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If she is between 40 and 55, she is going through midlife. At midlife most of us revisit our lives and we work on our internal pollution. She used her internal pollution to justify stepping outside the marriage to clear her internal mess up. That is unacceptable. You don't do that and poop all over your marriage and marriage partner. Poly or no poly passing, she is a fool. She needs counseling and so do you. Her actions are hers alone. You need to figure out why you want to keep someone like her around. I know 20 years is a long time invested in a relationship. I had 21 invested in mine when at midlife, my X thought it was time to sow the oats he never got a chance to do. Excuses are just that, excuses. Don't excuse the inexcusable! Mine dumped with for a 27 year old prostitute that lied to him about being a graveyard shift nurse. Don't believe her. She was out there getting herself some strange. She found it and her excuse was revenge on childhood traumas. It was selfish. She is selfish. That won't change in her. She is not the woman you married. At midlife, she opened Pandora's Box and now that can't be closed without professional help. Nothing to do with the marriage or YOU. It is ALL about her and her selfish needs.
 

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Questions are a burden to others, answers a prison for one’s self.
One's burden does not ease with knowing the truth.

The burden merely shifts to another place, where frustration, newly, grows weeds.

Can we can handle the truth, better than uncertain doubt?
Such that cliche, that benefit of the doubt?

Only if you are that stone, not that messy protoplasm.
A being having missives, having pride.
 
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