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Discussion Starter #1 (Edited)
My husband has played online computer games, for as long as I have known him, of course you never know how bad it is until you live with them. Warcraft is his drug of choice. I have to admit, it's alittle better since he joined the Army, since he goes to bed by midnight, instead of 3-5am. We just moved to a new state, I'm suddenly a house wife, that doesn't work, I'm stuck in the house all day, with no one to talk to and nothing to do, about 3 weeks after we got here, we found out I was pregnant (first baby for both of us).. So, quitting smoking and drinking was really hard, but I did it.. and of course, he didn't.. though, I wouldn't ask him to. Anyway.. Sometimes when he gets home about 5-5:30 pm, he will hangout with me until about 6:30, then he plays Warcraft until 11 or later EVERYDAY, not just a couple times a week.. I WISH it was only a couple times a week. I'm honestly just dying for some conversation, about anything... nothing specific, or to watch a movie together, we start to, but in the middle of it or in the middle of the conversation, he's turning his computer on... On weekends, if there's anything I want/need to do, I've got to be done by 4-6pm, because he has plans... and if I can't fill the space between the time he wakes up until 4-6, with things he will agree to doing, (and I mean ANYTHING! I hate video/computer games but I'll go to Gamestop and window shop if it means, I'll have someone to talk to for half an hour..) then he will just drive us back home, and he will start play even earlier..

I'm terrified to drive, and don't have a drivers lisence.. he started to teach me how to drive a few months ago, but... Of course I couldn't think of enough places to drive to, or I couldn't drive there fast enough, so.. that went out the window..

When we lived back home, I found ways to deal with this... I went out with friends from work every weekend, and then started during the week, and had them over pretty often, then of course "I've changed, I'm not the same person" "it used to be just us" .. Why? because I'm not sitting at home crying anymore? But the fact that I had to get out because of his gaming, wasn't an acceptable answer... to him, I was choosing my friends over him, .. *gasp* how dare I compare real friends to online friends!!

Ugh. Now that I'm here, and can't have any fun with friends or, do anything that I would normally do.. and he's still gaming it up.. I got unbelievably depressed, and had to start taking anti-depressants again.. not something I wanted to do, while pregnant.

I think this pregnancy is amplifiying my hurt feelings, and I haven't left my room for anything other than food for 4 days.. I just cry cause.. he's deploying for a year, next month and I'll have to go through this pregnancy alone, he wont be back until our kid is 8 months old... I just want to spend time with him, he thinks the regular 1 or 2 hours a day is fine, .. it's not okay with me anymore, I'm not going to see him for a year... I'm scared.. about everything.. I really need him, and I'm so tired of hearing "I'm busy" .. "I can't right now" ... or putting our time together on time limit.. it should be the other way around...

I just want to tell him, I hope his friends online have his address in afghanistan, they can write him everyday.. since he loves them so much!!

We've had this arguement so many times, that I don't even know how to talk about it with him anymore.
 

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Hunt Brown - Thank you for your response, I did not mean to sound like I was putting blame on him, I know he doesn't do it to hurt me.

Though, this problem or our relationship is nothing new to him, this is an on going thing for about 7 1/2 years.. Been together 8 1/2 years, married for over 2 years. The move, and pregnancy are very new for us. I think I just wanted alittle more support during this time, because I've had depression and anxiety all of my life, and this pregnancy is making it worse... and sitting alone thinking all the time.. isn't good.. if you could understand from that point of view... I can not take the normal medication I would take, if I want my child to survive, and I do.

A few years ago he told me that Warcraft was like an escape from reality for a while, like a break. That was also his excuse for his drug use... Well.. we don't have that life anymore, so it feels alot like he needs an escape from me... everyday?

He says he's happy and that's not it at all, he just has fun playing, okay.. I get that... but where do I fit in? Where will our baby fit in?

I know staying in my room is not the right thing to do, but if I bring it up, he just says "I know" (in a sad voice and sad face) but continues.. Or he can't respond at all, because he's raiding... I feel like he's ignoring my feelings completely...

I live in rejection, in and out of the bedroom.
 

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I was getting ready to give you advice based on how to deal with the gaming issue. But it seems to me what's the point now. If he being deployed soon your going to have to deal with being alone. It's a harsh reality but reality is what it is.

First off it may be worth to have one more talk with him before he leaves regarding the gaming. It needs to be addressed before he goes so that you are making a stand for your relationship and you take advantage of the little time you have left together. We're going to take a step by step approach to doing this. Get outta bed and take a long bath/shower whichever you have. Get your hair/nails/feet done if you can. Have a nice meal in house or take your self to lunch if you don't feel pathetic in a restaurant. I don't know where you live but I don't feel as silly in Chipotle (Mexican grill takeout here in NY) or you can do another non-waitstaff restaurant. Put on some new clothes or your fav comfortable jeans and t-shirt but the simple sexy ones. Jeans and a wife beater just kills men. Your boobs prob look great now too. Put on some light smelly good spray from Bath and Body or Victoria Secret be subtle not the expensive Macy's or Sephora stuff. I'm telling you this because it will help with your confidence and also make you look more attractive hopefully to get his attention.

Perhaps when you have this talk you could have prepared a meal or him for ordered his fav take out. Tell him that you really need to speak with him (if he's not receptive maybe you can convince him with an incentive saying you'll give him his fav sexual favor after - maybe a great BJ - don't know what floats ya boat but I'm sure you catch my drift. Can catch Flies with honey better than you can with vinegar) and sit him in a place away from his computer but private and less distracting. Begin your speech in a monotone voice starting with your may point and adding details. (For some reason you lose men when you start with the details and get to the point at the end) Your opening line may be something like: "The gaming has got to stop now before you leave, it is for the sake of my sanity, our baby, and our marriage." Next you my want to drive home the following points to support your argument:
  • Gaming is causing a distance between us that may not be easy to repair especially since your leaving for 1 year.
  • As my Husband you should understand that embarking on this pregnancy is a glorious thing that should be shared between us. I need strength to emotionally stay healthy during your absence.
  • How much do you care about us time
.......and so forth.

Hope things work with that one if not now's the time to prepare yourself for a long journey through pregnancy, loneliness, physical changes, emotional stress, and self-reflection. Learn to drive now for the sake of your baby. You never know when you've got an emergency. I've got four kids two of which are 3month old twins. It can be a roller coaster of an experience from choking, to teething, to ear infection, to just a plain cold.

Next love YOU time. Take up a hobby or discover a new past time like this online forum, games on your cell, reading self-help books like pregnancy and aftercare help. Maybe you can start watching movies. I know a great site where you can watch all the new movies out for free. If you can stand bootlegs sometime. (goggle- watch-movies-link.net or something like that; they change the domain name so much guess cuz they get shutdown but worth a try) otherwise go to blockbuster or the library.

You didn't specify I think whether you were on a base or not but a support group might help a lot.

Well girlie that's as much as I can type now cuz gotta run to shower while the twins are sleep. If you need more advice I'll respond to your next post.

Good Luck
 

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Thanks for your advice KNA, I really thought about doing that today since we had a doctors appt for the baby, and we go together... I can't look at him without crying, so I don't.. I guess talking to him would be harder.. If I cry... it would make him angry, since "It's only a problem because I'm making it one" .. and I would be even more upset..

I just wish he would come ask me what's wrong, or if I'm okay.. I've told him a million times, I just need him, right now... I can't be rejected again... I'm scared to bring it up.
 
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