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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
My husband and I been together for 8 years married for about 1 and a half. About 2 weeks ago I found a needle and a spoon in our bathroom I then found out he had been doing it for weeks. In those weeks I felt deep down like he was hiding something but could never put my finger on it till I found it. He cant really give me a reason of why and I am so lost. He never seemed to be the one to do this and I have no one to turn to without judgement. I really been up his ass finding out what he spends on what where he goes and what he does. I feel like a horrible wife and only thing he said why he did it cause he was unhappy. I mean we had our disagreements but not the the point I knew he was unhappy I blame myself even though I would tell myself not to blame me but I know I was apart of why he turned to that. Right now I want to work it out never want to give up he is a great man but right now really messed up and he says he has not touched it since but I am not sure if he still lying any advise. Please dont say just leave him becuase I want to work it out till there is no more options left.
 

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If he's only been doing it for a few weeks take IMMEDIATE action. He and you both need therapy/counseling and you need to understand he may go through withdrawals. What is he shooting up? Oxycontin? I hope not. I just had a school friend OD and DIE from this drug not too long ago. She left behind her 5 year old son and her husband of 10 years.

Telling him this likely won't make any difference. You need to look up an ALAnon chapter or even a church to help you take the right steps right now.

Wishing you the best - my husband has struggled with prescription addiction for several years now. I thought I was "standing by him" when I stayed and tried to support his recovery... But it was not authentic. If I knew then what I'd be feeling now, I would have left. :(
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your husband is lying to you. He has been doing drugs for longer than two weeks. How do you know an addict is lying? He is speaking. He may have started shooting up two weeks ago. He probably starting with swallowing the pills, then moved on to shaving them and snorting them, and is now shooting them. The next step is probably going to be heroin. Its cheaper than the pills and the high is well...higher.

If you arent part of the solution then you are part of the problem. He need to go until he is clean if that means detox and residential treatment. I see this situation all the time in my line of work. Keep making excuses for him by blaming yourself, taking the responsiblity from him and you are going find him overdosed in your bathroom or your kid do
 

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Coming from someone that was severley addicted to opiates and hid it very well for a very long time. It started with a car accident and several surgeries...I found that the pills comforted me not only from the physical pain, but mental & emotional as well. Confront him, explain how you feel and express to him that if he doesn't change you will leave regardless, he needs to do it for himself. At one point in time I was spending 3-4k a month buying pills on top of the numerous prescriptions I already had. I realized all the destruction I caused and quit. My wife sensed it all along, but could not decipher the difference between my physical pain and the abuse so she internalized her feelings until one day it all became too much and she left. It hit me from left field because at this point I had cleaned up my act so to speak on my own voalition for a couple of months, however the damage was done. Now, I'm struggling to save my marriage and put our life back together. If I had been able to be honest with her and myself about my problems and or she would have been strong enough to confront me, I don't believe our marriage and finances would be in the ruins they now are in.
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
I am kind of young yes I am 25. He wants to separate to work stuff out but... We only been having issues since I found out and he says he still loves me but wants to see about being apart. The kicker is he has no reason why he wants this... Like usually you hear you never do this or that but mine is just idk I just want to leave. So in that point I said well if you have any other secrets why not come out with them now. He still swears he has not touched it since I found out but when he was using he stole from our roof fund. He used about 300 for the drugs. Oh and he was shooting up some kind of pain pill with a D stronger then oxy.
 

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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
I am being understanding but no I would not be ok with him doing this and I will support any help he got but if he cant help himself then I can not stand with him while he destroys his life
 

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These are very powerful drugs. My wife was about your age when I started to develop my problem as well. What I was getting at was it needs to be discussed and dealt with before it causes you to build resentment. He might not even be aware he has a problem at the moment, however it will eventually become one if he doesn't stop.
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Well he told me the big secret he has been shooting up pills but its on and off i am in shock after 8 years to find it out i am not sure if i should let it go since i never caught it before or if i should say enough is enough. I really cant see any consulars because have no money and not a big part of the churchi am he is not.
 

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shooting up is BAD NEWS!!!! I never have, and I have done a good amount of recreational drugs.

shooting up, crack and heroin are VERY, VERY scary.

VERY, VERY hard to control or quit.....not a casual usage thing. he needs helps. imo

I would not say this lightly, but if you don't have kids yet I would get out. I had friends early on (before I knew they smoked crack) that were into hard stuff, in and out of rehab......that hard stuff. it's a high that calls your name for years and years. most people don't beat it.
 

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I don't know what your husbands reasons are for doing this, however the fact that he came clean says volumes about his character. I would suggest being supportive, not judging him. Seek out a support group such as NA or AA if you can't afford more traditional sources of therapy. Find out what his goals are with regards to his drug use? Does he intend to quit, why did he find it necessary to use in the first place? For me, I struggled with my prescription abuse for about 6 months before I finally came to terms that I needed to quit. The physical dependancy on opiates is the worst part. When you don't have them in your system your body becomes violently ill. Rent the movies Trainspotting, or Ray (about Ray Charles) if you need a better understanding of what I'm talking about.
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I don't know what your husbands reasons are for doing this, however the fact that he came clean says volumes about his character. I would suggest being supportive, not judging him. Seek out a support group such as NA or AA if you can't afford more traditional sources of therapy. Find out what his goals are with regards to his drug use? Does he intend to quit, why did he find it necessary to use in the first place? For me, I struggled with my prescription abuse for about 6 months before I finally came to terms that I needed to quit. The physical dependancy on opiates is the worst part. When you don't have them in your system your body becomes violently ill. Rent the movies Trainspotting, or Ray (about Ray Charles) if you need a better understanding of what I'm talking about.
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Thanks for this its still new news and i am very supportive he does have issues in his past he hides from. I think all i can do is ask his honesty and if he is interested into not doing it anymore. Also he admits he does it a couple of times a
Year why idk that but i really believe that
 

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As others have eluded to, drug users don't typically start their habit with shooting up. I have been with someone who abused opiates and who didn't resist breaking up even though it was his drug abuse that caused the split. That's when I realized that he would only stay with me as long as he could have the benefits of the relationship while hiding the drug abuse from me. As soon as it became an either/or choice for him, the drugs were more powerful than the relationship.

I think your husband wants to be apart so that he can be left alone to do what he wants with his drugs. I know it sounds dramatic and hurtful, but try to not take it personally. Sadly, this is what opiates do to people.
 

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How do you know an addict is lying? He is speaking.
I agree with this 100%!!! I know exactly what you're going through. Just this past year, I discovered that my husband who I've been with for almost 13 years is addicted to bath salts. Finding out that he was into bath salts was the most shocking thing ever, especially since he worked as a psychiatric nurse for the last 6 years and was a paramedic before that. We're still having issues and I know he's still doing them. I just posted a novel about it on this forum. I don't have any real advice since I also just posted on here looking for pretty much the same advice you are, but PLEASE do NOT blame yourself. That is one thing that I have learned. It is not your fault. My husband tried to pull the same crap by blaming all of his unhappiness on me, but I now know better. So, just realize that your husband's addiction has nothing to do with you and there is nothing you could have done to prevent it. He is just trying to somehow justify his behavior to you. Don't buy into it for a second.

Ever since my husband got into the bath salts, the amount lying he has been doing has been unreal. I found an empty bath salts package in our basement and showed it to him and he lied right to my face and said it wasn't his, even though it was in HIS computer room and no one else has been down there. He has also been really sneaky. I never know what to believe from him anymore because it seems like he has done nothing but lie to me and sneak around for the past year. I've been doing the same thing as you with regards to watching him like a hawk. I even added GPS services to his cell phone so I can track where he goes when I get the feeling that he's up to no good. Feel free to send me a message if you ever need anyone to talk to. I'm in a very similar situation and totally understand everything you're going through.
 

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I agree. If he's shooting up he's been using for a long time.

Keep in mind that if the cops ever have reason to stop him and find the drugs.. and you are with him you could end up in jail and with a criminal record.
 

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Some people don't use all the time, they do the "binge" thing, but the whole time in between uses, they are actually "involved in the process". So even though it might seem like there is less of a problem, they are still being "controlled" by the drug and the whole addiction thing.

I was around some pretty unsavory stuff in my younger years, but the whole "shooting up" thing scared me. I remember a guy I knew who was doing that; I also remember him rolling around on the floor, beating up on his (much smaller) mother. Think he was doing heroin, another opiate. He tried to slug me once and that was that.

Some people are capable of seeing the problem and getting "better" or at least, abstaining without intervention from the outside. That just seems to be a minority and there might even the be some issues that would benefit from some confrontation and working through.

I know I had problems for a while because of just taking pain pills. I was the one "getting sick" and the doctor just kept giving me meds. I got off the meds eventually and now, my health is a LOT better, but it wasn't til I went into therapy (and other support interventions) that I really started to make changes from the inside.

And as it turned out, my husband had a hidden addiction - to gambling - that he pretty much kept out of my sight and awareness for nearly 20 years. I thought he spent a little too much on scratch off/lotto (thinking like $20 -$ $30 month); I went through a nervous breakdown, way back and now, two divorces. He had the children, because he actually ended up at least half-convincing me I was crazy and source of all the problems.

We should have a nearly paid off house, barely any debt and at least $100k banked. But no, the mortgage is nearly where it started, no assets, we're drowning in debt and spent like $10k on his hostile and over 2 year divorce. He's all primed up to marry someone else, in order to finance his addiction.

I felt deep down like he was hiding something but could never put my finger on it till I found it ... I am so lost. He never seemed to be the one to do this and I have no one to turn to without judgement. I really been up his ass finding out what he spends on what where he goes and what he does. I feel like a horrible wife and only thing he said why he did it cause he was unhappy. I mean we had our disagreements but not the the point I knew he was unhappy I blame myself even though I would tell myself not to blame me but I know I was apart of why he turned to that.
I went through the same thing you described; I blamed myself and I also, finally, felt like there had to be "more" than what he was telling me (or blaming me for). I personally didn't get to that point (of recognizing the "blame" as a tactic) until I had gotten my head straight. And actually, I had some issues before, but looking back, I never had ANY clinically significant mental health issues until years into our marriage.

If he is the primary "emotional support" you get, it is no wonder you are feeling down on yourself. And sure, there may be issues that you might benefit from working on or bad habits or whatever, but USING THAT AS A JUSTIFICATION for "use" or addiction is not an option, it's a cop-out.

It wasn't til I started asking myself some totally logical questions, like "how did such a perfect man end up with such a scum-bag"? (if that was REALLY what I was?) I also realized that if someone loved you and then didn't "love you" anymore, well to put it simply, a truly loving person doesn't treat you like crap, just because they fall out of love with you (and I knew I hadn't done anything intentional to screw anything up, so a caring/understanding person would support or forgive, or something ... but not treat you like crap).

It's entirely possible, though not set in stone, that a separation might be in order, at some point. That doesn't mean that your marriage HAS to end, but sometimes reality is the only thing that is going to wake an addict up. Plus give you the opportunity to build up your self concept more realistically again ... and that can take some time. You might be amazed at all the good qualities you've forgotten you have and all the accomplishments you are capable of, cause you haven't been reminded lately and you probably haven't felt super motivated (having had that "gut level thing" going for some time).

I hope things get better with you (both), but sometimes they may seem to be worse for a while. You can get through it, believe me. And it's so much better than the alternative, though it might not seem or feel like it.
 
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