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I guess I just don’t want it to be true. My mother was cheated on multiple times and so was my sister. I wanted to believe it wouldn’t happen to me and I’ve spoken about my fears of being cheated on with him. I fear I may not find anyone every example of a relationship around me is filled with cheaters. Is there truly a guy out there who doesn’t cheat? Or a guy who doesn’t take advantage of you?
Yes, ABSOLUTELY, there are guys out there who will not cheat or take advantage of you. My wife and I have been together 27 years and I am head over heels in love with her. I have complete tunnel vision for her. There are men (as I am sure there are women as well) who put their spouse first and would never fathom going outside their vows.
 

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I guess I just don’t want it to be true. My mother was cheated on multiple times and so was my sister. I wanted to believe it wouldn’t happen to me and I’ve spoken about my fears of being cheated on with him. I fear I may not find anyone every example of a relationship around me is filled with cheaters. Is there truly a guy out there who doesn’t cheat? Or a guy who doesn’t take advantage of you?
Yes, there are men who don't cheat. But this guy is not a good one. You're lucky, you didn't marry him. You can leave easily.
 

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Just wanting a little more info.

How did you find out about a letter from one of the girls? What was said about it?

How many friends is he supposed to be hanging out with besides the two girls?

Has he ever dated the two girls or have they always been friends?

How long has your bf know/been friends with the two girls?

How long have you known your bf?

Have you been cheated on before this relationship?
 

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Certainly there are men who don’t cheat and who don’t take advantage of you — lots of them — but apparently he’s not one of them. Better to move on and don’t look back.
 

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A two year relationship is a drop in the pan. No kids, no marriage, it doesn't get any easier than this. Better to know now than later, just ask the majority of people here who have been cheated on - if they knew before marriage and kids would they have stayed if given that opportunity?? I know what my answer is.
 

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At this stage in the relationship he should be taking you with him everywhere to “show you off” as suggested earlier.

If I brought my wife to hang out with “the boys” I would make sure at least one girlfriend or wife is there on the trip who she gets along with. I would check this with her first, “If such and so goes will you go?” If we went out drinking, partying, gambling, etc... they can go have a spa day or do whatever they want and then we meet up for dinner.

This is normal I think. Your partners behavior seems abnormal.
 

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He sounds like a gem. Why do you want to keep a guy who doesn’t care whether his choices upset you? Why would you let anyone convince you that you are crazy? Why do you allow yourself to be treated with disrespect?

It’s hard to trust him because he is untrustworthy... Why are you trying to hold on so tightly to this person? Do you think you can’t do better? Why do you think a man needs to be coerced into acting like a nice person?

This is a lot of questions, but I’m not really asking them to get an answer. I think I know why already. He sounds like an ass, but it isn’t really about him. It’s about you.
I suffer from dyslexia, and sometimes I read something that isn't exactly what is on the page/screen. I thought you said: "He sounds like a germ." Then in an instant I realised you wrote "gem," not germ.

Then I realised: "Actually, he is a germ."
 

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I suffer from dyslexia, and sometimes I read something that isn't exactly what is on the page/screen. I thought you said: "He sounds like a germ." Then in an instant I realised you wrote "gem," not germ.

Then I realised: "Actually, he is a germ."
Dyslexia? I’d say you are adept at reading in between the lines. 🙂
 

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It’s hard because at this point I don’t know if I’m overreacting or not. And I love his family and I’m afraid they won’t understand if I leave him.
He s showing you so much disrespect and you are allowing it. He knows ultimately he can do what he wants cause you will be the doormat waiting at home. you Have suggested you go, his response tells you all you need to know. He doesnt care about your feelings and what’s to get a bit of strange on the trip. Are you living with this man? How old are you?
let him go on the trip. Pack your stuff and be gone when he gets back. tell his family thayou won’t be with someone who lies to you and has no respect for you. You are better off without him. Move on.
 

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If you are NOT married, this is good. Dating is to figure out if you are compatible with the other person for a LONG TERM relationship. He clearly failed that test, and is NOT for you.
HE wants what he wants and you can't control that, but you CAN control YOUR BOUNDARIES.
Tell him that -- you can go, but MY boundaries are that you don't cheat, treat me like crap and not care about my feelings, and NOT being gaslighted.
 

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A guy who doesn't cheat and whose ethics are going to make him be loyal or else break up with you if he's not feeling it is going to be ethical in general in life and treat other people right and not try to take advantage of employers or friends or other women or his parents. So you have to look for someone who has generally good ethics and isn't just looking for a way to take shortcuts or take advantage of situations. It is really hard to tell because so many men can convince you they're serious and then cheat behind your back, but a man who isn't a cheater and who values loyalty and wouldn't feel good about himself if he didn't behave right isn't going to do things that make you doubt and wonder. Of course there are people who are going to doubt and wonder because they're that insecure that they can never be convinced, but you are more of a trusting soul. A cheater will look for a trusting soul and someone who is mild and too nice to want to have a conversation and call them out about it so that they can keep getting away with it.

You have to realize that there are plenty of men out there whose ideal situation is not finding one woman to stay with for the rest of their life but is looking for women they can juggle and get away with it so they can have variety. Those kind of men should stay single and to be honest with who they're dating but it's rare that they are.

To keep from wasting your time while dating you need to look for red flags and drop them instead of giving them the benefit of the doubt and prolonging things just because you don't want to believe it. It is what it is. In black and white he wants to go on a trip without his girlfriend with another woman and he wants his girlfriend to just believe his BS and sit there quietly and wait for him to return.
 
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My BF wants me along when he goes out all time. He says “I love walking into a room with you because everyone knows you’re with me and I’m just so proud to be able to say that. I love showing you off!”

That’s what you’re looking for and you’re BF is NOT the guy to give you that. I’m sorry. Get free of him and find yourself a decent, caring man. There are millions of them in this world.
 
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