[jaquen]

How could anyone bring this out into the light of day when there ARE children and they would not eventually be exposed to it? And not by just anyone, but their FATHER. I have five, still innocent children, that I refuse to let be exposed to this for as long as I can. The fact that the man I chose to marry and have children with LIED to me BEFORE we got married is NOT my fault. He lied and hid it well KNOWING that I DO find it morally reprehensible. The 'porn', and his use of it would be the reason for the damage to our marriage, not because I don't accept something I've ALWAYS been against. I would have no problem leaving him to let him have his 'stuff' all to himself, but with the children, I cannot bear to tear their world in two. I admit it is a balancing act staying married and keeping the kids safe. I have been supportive in helping him to overcome this and offered to go to counseling with him (or he can go alone) but he INSISTS it 's no problem and he can stop anytime...and then, he obviously doesn't.
As for the sex...the only complaint would be he is usually too tired and can go weeks without it because, well, let's face it, he has 'Other Options'...So good luck to anyone trying to convince me this is 'Normal'. It would be like trying to convince me there isn't a God. BTW, if this was a casual peak at women's naked body's because they are beautiful, then this would be very different, but the stuff I found WAS VULGAR and demeaning to me as a woman. How can he look at me or our daughter's in a respectable way after indulging in watching group sex and women having sex with machines? And getting off on it too? I also found some kind of device that has what looks like a small probe and a long wire attached to some sort of battery powered thing with a button on it..no idea what that is. Why is this better than being with me? His always faithful, supportive, loving wife..
I'm just so sad and don't know what to do and I guess I asked the original question about the where and how because I can't deal with this anymore...

If your husband knew you felt like this before marriage, he shouldn't have agreed to marry you. That you seriously are questioning how your husband looks at your DAUGHTER based off his viewing of pretty common porn is alarming.

The big mistake he made was marrying a woman who reacts this way to his watching porn. He should have never even put himself in the position of having to lie about something he's been doing since he was 12. He'd have been better off partnering with a woman who's ideas, and thoughts, on the matter weren't nearly as extreme as yours.

 

[ladybird]

rainydayismusic ~

I don't think that you are being melodramatic.. Porn is always a huge debate on this board and everywhere. You will always get the ones who like it to tell you to back off and let your h "do his thing". There is no harm in it type of B.S. Or the whole you should put out more crap.

I have been reading over some of the posts on this thread and some of them come of as very Rude. She is on this board looking for HELP, not criticism.

 

[jaquen]

rainydayismusic ~

I don't think that you are being melodramatic.. Porn is always a huge debate on this board and everywhere. You will always get the ones who like it to tell you to back off and let your h "do his thing". There is no harm in it type of B.S. Or the whole you should put out more crap.

I have been reading over some of the posts on this thread and some of them come of as very Rude. She is on this board looking for HELP, not criticism.

Actually some of the ruder, and more offensive posts, original from the OP herself.

She's hardly a victim here.

Just saying.

 

[Annanukian]

Obviously he is getting something from the mags that he ain't getting in the bedroom. Sorry to be blunt.

If he is addicted to porn and it's putting you off him, then dump him.

 

[cloudwithleggs]

Nude pictures of people, beautiful or otherwise is not really porn... not the porn I think we are discussing here anyway.

I don't know semi nudes do seem to be considered porn, i think i remember i posted a semi nude and was told it wasn't very helpful as there are recovering porn addicts on the forum.

not sure whether it was an insult or a compliment

 

[donny64]

The big mistake he made was marrying a woman who reacts this way to his watching porn. He should have never even put himself in the position of having to lie about something he's been doing since he was 12. He'd have been better off partnering with a woman who's ideas, and thoughts, on the matter weren't nearly as extreme as yours.

There it is in a nutshell. No blame here, just a mistake to marry someone in hopes they'd change. If he KNEW she was like that, and it was THAT important to him, then he shouldn't have done it. I think she's unrealistic (expectation wise) that she could find someone who wouldn't watch it to some extent and has a high sex drive, but if that's what she wants, that's what she wants, and nothing may change that short of her losing out on a lot of otherwise good guys because they do what comes fairly naturally. Or maybe taking the time to UNDERSTAND why men are like this, and just accept it (given that it actually doesn't detract from physical intimacy in the marriage).

W and I were talking about this last night. She shrugs it off and does not "get" women who have an issue with it. She understands it just as she understands why the sun is coming up tomorrow. Just as she understands that her reading "50 shades" is essentially the same thing wrapped in a more acceptable written "book package" (and she did just start reading it...holy cow, how did she get even more horny than she already naturally is?!!!!). Her understanding of this, me, my desires, herself and her desires is what makes our sex life so incredibly awesome and fulfilling. We share everything, and just that alone makes it even harder to keep our hands off each other. The best, most satisfying sex in the world is with someone who GETS you, UNDERSTANDS you and themselves, is not insecure about it because they actually do understand it, and won't judge you (or themselves) for it. Not easy to find, but when you do, you'll KNOW it. And it's bliss.