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19 Posts
Hi, this is my first post on here, I am feeling very depressed at the moment and need somebody to talk to. I will tell you my problem.
My family lives in another country, I moved in the UK to live with my bf approximately 2 years ago. I struggled to find a job a lot, now I found a part time job about 3 weeks ago and I can finally help my bf with the bills a bit. We are renting a place.
My mum had a stroke last year, she has serious speech difficulty and her arm sometimes twitches painfully and she can't use it. My sister still lives at home and has a full time job. My aunt and her children live above my family; my parents both have lots of siblings by the way, my dad's ones are old.
Now, my dad is in hospital and my sister is understandably getting stressed dividing herself between daily visits at the hospital and her job. I can understand she is fed up and needs a break. My mum cant possibly go to look after him due to her condition and because the hospital is far away and nobody could take her there. The same goes (as far as I have been told) for my aunt or other relatives. I know I should go and be looking after him and I told my sister I would go in December when I have the money from my first wages (he has been in hospital less than 2 weeks and my sister didn't say at first to go back there with all this urgency. He is not about to die but still he is not ok). At the moment neither me or my bf can afford to pay for a flight (I won't have any money of my own until I get paid), especially with such a short notice. She is not happy with this, she is saying by the time I get there, she would have done all the caring and I would go there when my dad might already be out of the hospital. I would lose my job anyway to go back there obviously and I wouldn't know exactly for how long I would need to stay there. She said it's no big deal if I lose my job... my dad is more important I agree.
Anyway my family expects me to drop everything and just go regardless of the fact I cant pay for a flight right now and that I have a job and need to talk to my employer first, I can't just disappear like that. My sister told me my mum said not to bother going back in the summer to visit and my aunt as well is angry with me. They just think I don't wanna go because they think I am just being selfish but I have explained I can't right now for objective reasons and I repeat, I said to my sister I would go in December when at least I would have my first wages. I guess she didn't tell them all this or they just don't understand I don't know.
I am worried about my dad, it's not like I don't care, as they make it look like. Earlier when I talked to my bf about what my sister told me, I got all blotchy and red on my chest, as it happens when I am very stressed; I don't wanna fall out with my family, the mere thought makes me wanna kill myself really. I can't imagine them hating me. I did have some suicidal thoughts unfortunately.
I just need some advice, I am telling you in advance I do feel like a selfish bi*ch; my bf is saying they are emotionally blackmailing me and shouldn't be telling me such things.
Thanks for any reply in advance, don't bash me too much please.
My family lives in another country, I moved in the UK to live with my bf approximately 2 years ago. I struggled to find a job a lot, now I found a part time job about 3 weeks ago and I can finally help my bf with the bills a bit. We are renting a place.
My mum had a stroke last year, she has serious speech difficulty and her arm sometimes twitches painfully and she can't use it. My sister still lives at home and has a full time job. My aunt and her children live above my family; my parents both have lots of siblings by the way, my dad's ones are old.
Now, my dad is in hospital and my sister is understandably getting stressed dividing herself between daily visits at the hospital and her job. I can understand she is fed up and needs a break. My mum cant possibly go to look after him due to her condition and because the hospital is far away and nobody could take her there. The same goes (as far as I have been told) for my aunt or other relatives. I know I should go and be looking after him and I told my sister I would go in December when I have the money from my first wages (he has been in hospital less than 2 weeks and my sister didn't say at first to go back there with all this urgency. He is not about to die but still he is not ok). At the moment neither me or my bf can afford to pay for a flight (I won't have any money of my own until I get paid), especially with such a short notice. She is not happy with this, she is saying by the time I get there, she would have done all the caring and I would go there when my dad might already be out of the hospital. I would lose my job anyway to go back there obviously and I wouldn't know exactly for how long I would need to stay there. She said it's no big deal if I lose my job... my dad is more important I agree.
Anyway my family expects me to drop everything and just go regardless of the fact I cant pay for a flight right now and that I have a job and need to talk to my employer first, I can't just disappear like that. My sister told me my mum said not to bother going back in the summer to visit and my aunt as well is angry with me. They just think I don't wanna go because they think I am just being selfish but I have explained I can't right now for objective reasons and I repeat, I said to my sister I would go in December when at least I would have my first wages. I guess she didn't tell them all this or they just don't understand I don't know.
I am worried about my dad, it's not like I don't care, as they make it look like. Earlier when I talked to my bf about what my sister told me, I got all blotchy and red on my chest, as it happens when I am very stressed; I don't wanna fall out with my family, the mere thought makes me wanna kill myself really. I can't imagine them hating me. I did have some suicidal thoughts unfortunately.
I just need some advice, I am telling you in advance I do feel like a selfish bi*ch; my bf is saying they are emotionally blackmailing me and shouldn't be telling me such things.
Thanks for any reply in advance, don't bash me too much please.