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But surely there is some hope. I have learned on my own that one person can't make a relationship go bad. It takes at least two.
Wrong. When it comes to an alcoholic there IS the possibility of no hope. Be prepared for that.

And YES, when it comes to an alcoholic ONE person CAN make a relationship go bad. It is ALL UP TO HIM. Only HE can stop it and ONLY he can accept the blame and change.

You REALLY need to get yourself to Al-anon and get some info on this because obviously you are clueless. :(
 

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Discussion Starter · #43 ·
Wrong. When it comes to an alcoholic there IS the possibility of no hope. Be prepared for that.

And YES, when it comes to an alcoholic ONE person CAN make a relationship go bad. It is ALL UP TO HIM. Only HE can stop it and ONLY he can accept the blame and change.

You REALLY need to get yourself to Al-anon and get some info on this because obviously you are clueless. :(
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Discussion Starter · #44 ·
But what if I drank too? And what if sometimes I was the one bringing alcohol in? And what if I am a complete jerk and haven't stopped drinking completely (never around him)?

And what if I am afraid of Alanon because everyone will know each other but me? And what if I actually have a medical condition that makes it pretty much impossible to just walk into a new environment like that? And what if they just judge me or tell me what I should feel or what I should do without knowing all the facts?

What if I am really the rotten one? Granted I am the only stable adult between the two of us but carrying the mortgage, car payment, both our car insurance, both our phone bills, the utilities, the food, and his new $10 a day soda habit along with the dog bill care and his medical bills and it is making me bitter. But that doesn't make him all wrong and me all right. What more should I expect to put up with and how long should I support him if we split?
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What if a big meteorite came from outer space and hit the Earth? :slap: You sure do have a lot of excuses, don't you?

I did the same thing. Yes, I drank too. I brought in wine and beer and in one hour he finished off a case of beer a friend of mine gave me as a present. Oh yeah, I had mental problems too and I didn't like Al-anon because I couldn't relate to it. Oh yeah, I was the only one working and paying the bills.

Guess what? I got sick of HIM and HIS drinking and the way it was ruining MY and MY KID'S lives and decided "enough" and life is better now.

Don't you want YOUR life to be better? Or do you feel the need to do penance for your sins? How many times do you have to cut yourself and watch the blood run down your arms and legs? Have you done that yet?

I gave him chance after chance after chance because of the guilt that I myself felt (sound familiar?) but he kept doing the same things over and over again until finally I said...

"ENOUGH".

After two years of this I filed for divorce this past December 14. I guess it just depends on when you've had "enough". But keep in mind that it's HIS problem and YOU can't solve it.

And get off the guilt trip because the past is gone and the present is what is and you have to deal with what is...the here and now. All that lies before you is the future and what that future will be is up to you.

You can make excuses or you can make changes. Your choice.
 
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