I don't know why. I just feel utterly miserable today. I feel lonely, alone, rejected, hurt, betrayed and everything. I just want to crawl in a hole and sleep till life is over. Why does it hurt so bad, why can't i stop hurting and move on? And why do people do this to each other? Sorry, I feel like **** and figured people on here might get it, have some advice. Background: stbx went from loving me to having EA to supposedly stopping EA but not loving me/in love with me anymore, hates everything about me, I'm not who he thought I was, he's been faking the I love yous etc. at least that's what he is telling me. He went back and forth on reconciling but never really wanted it. Then said I wasn't worth the effort and I don't motivate him and he was not a good husband because we don't fit and I'm not his motivation. We're separated but neither of us have filed mainly because we're broke, I was a sahm and been looking for work but nothing! It's easier to remain married since our particular situation is complicated but he doesn't love me so that isn't gonna happen. I hate it and him. I hate that he feels he can lead me on for years while I kept telling him I needed more. Why did he think it's ok to drag my suffering if he supposedly wasn't happy either? He never gave me more and now he tells me it's because he didn't want to! Basically he married me, took away nine years of my life, we get pregnant years after marriage (if you don't love me, why???) all without him really loving me. And now he's done, and wants me out? It hurts so bad. Like why didn't he have the balls to leave me before this investment? And why is he so bent on breaking me by telling me **** that I am unattractive, unaccomplished, not who he thought, etc. I feel like utter ****.