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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I have been married for two years and we dated an additional two years. In June my husband lost his job due to him flying off the handles when his boss criticized him for calling out from work and then asking to come and pick up his paycheck. Instead of just picking up his check the following day he put a financial strain on our marriage. Luckily, I work and I had money saved so we were able to get by. He started a new job in July and in September while at work his boss wanted him to double bag a garbage bag before throwing out leftover wood and my husband insisted he could double bag it after the wood was in it.

It was a small disagreement but my husband flew off the handles again and walked off the job site. Instead of apologizing to his boss he said I rather just find a new job. I had it my thought are you get paid to do a job you do it and you go home. A week later he said to me until he finds a job it's better that he goes to live with his mother not to burden me financially. I'm trying my best to hold on and still have hope.

But as time goes on I find myself hating the sound of his voice. He would come over and stay the weekends and the last two weekends I found myself coming up with excuses as to why we couldn't get together. I'm hurt and angry while I struggle to pay our rent, con ed, cable, groceries, our daughters tuition, he is sitting there living rent free under his mothers roof. She cooks and does his laundry. The other night I asked him what did he have for dinner and he said chicken and rice. I replied by saying that your eating great and I made bread balls .... Bread crumbs with eggs fried. A real man would never put their wife that they claim they love in this position.

Every time we speak on the phone he's playing video games with his nephew. His three sisters and their kids all live under their mothers roof. I told him the other day I don't understand as a mother how his mother could be okay with him living there unemployed and playing video games all day knowing he has a family of his own. Yesterday when we spoke I asked him how was his day and he replied ROUGH. He felt a chill coming on!!!!! Maybe I'm the crazy one? My day was rough I worked 9 hours straight. I barely ate lunch because my job was busier than usual because of the holiday. I invited him over for thanksgiving tomorrow and I'm already regretting it because he disgusts me.

Am I being overly selfish? Should I try to be more patient or should I just throw in the towel and let it go?
 

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You are not being selfish in the slightest. In fact, I think you and your child are suffering far too much from your husband's laziness, and you need to demand better.

It sounds like you resent him, and of course you do. You're working, struggling to pay bills and feed yourself and your kid, and he's being babies by his mother, playing video games, not paying child support....

It's time to delineate some boundaries. Decide what you and your daughter deserve and demand action from him. If he can't or won't comply, divorce and file for child support. He will have to pay regardless of his jobless status (in the jurisdictions with which I'm familiar; consult an attorney in your state. Im not a lawyer.)

Stand up for yourself and your child.
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I'd also think it's time to lay out some boundaries. A job, and anger management. If he doesn't get his act together, the next step is legal. Filing for divorce or legal separation.

C
 

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I assume that his mother is not married? Did she raise her children on her own?

Does his mother show any interest in your daughter? Or is she an absent grandmother?

Who takes care of your daughter when you are at work?

I agree with the others. You are not being selfish and you have been far too patient.

If you wanted to, you need to tell him that you are done with the marriage if it stays the way it is. Either he finds a job and keeps the job, and deals with any anger issues he has or the marriage is over.

But, with the way you feel about him, you would be completely justified in ending the marriage now without trying anything else.
 

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Whoa...it looks to me that this "man" just roamed over to his natural state of not wanting to be responsible and be a teenager under his mommy's roof.

I take it that even though you are working and feeding your child and paying rent that you are still floating your husband cash and money for his cell phone?
 

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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
No I will not give him a dime. If he's that irresponsible and chooses to walk away from his job then it's his choice to have a cell phone and spending money. I'm sure his mother is paying his cell phone bill. She's a single mother as well as his sisters. When I tried talking to him last night over the phone he just keeps saying I'm a nasty person and that he tried to have a life with me I'm just not very understanding.


I don't get why he doesn't understand that I'm angry with him. My only reply to him was your not ready for a family of your own and if you don't get it together soon I will no longer chose to have contact with you. I try to be understanding but when I'm at work whether my boss is happy or miserable I go to work and do my job and then I go home. I have only had three jobs in my whole life. I worked during high school at mcdonalds. After I graduated high school, I worked at a college to help me pay for my tuition and the job that I have now I have worked there for almost 7 years. I'm not a job hopper I don't believe in quitting. I don't think I could handle the stress of having to find another job or becoming homeless. How would I explain that to my daughter?
 

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You have been together 4 years total, according to your OP.

Why are you paying "tuition" for your daughter (4 years old at most)..Do you mean saving for college? Or does she attend private pre-school?

Maybe you could lessen your financial burden right now by putting your daughter in public school . . .or waiting 'til later to save for her college?

Get rid of cable. That's my only other financial tip.

Your husband's behavior is completely screwy. My husband has lost 2 jobs because of mouthing off to people. Even now he has a lot of tension with his co-workers.

So, I wish I could say it gets better. But I don't really know for sure.

Sorry you're in this predicament.
 

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A man is supposed to protect and provide if he doesn't do that, then I am not sure what you have there. Also catching attitudes at work is childish. Real people with real responsibilities behave accordingly. That man's problem is his mother is his safety net. I hate to say it but you may wanna consider moving on if he isn't serious about being stable.
 
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