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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I don't really think there's a relationship problem, I think there's more of a me problem. I'm 22f and have been with my boyfriend(23) for over 4 years now. We've been living together for 2+ years and get along great.


I have 2 younger siblings that are engaged with children. I've realized that it bothers me that I'm the oldest and they have had these experiences before I got a chance to. I know they're way too young but I can't help but be jealous of the big rocks on their fingers when I've been in a relationship longer and am older. I want to talk to my bf about it but I clam up. I'm also afraid if I hint to wanting to be engaged he'll propose just because he thinks he's supposed to. He has a habit of doing things just because he thinks it's what I want and not because it's what he wants to do. For example, if I ask him what restaurant he wants to eat at, he'll pick my favorite restaurant. So I've been holding in talking to him about our plans for the future but now it's starting to really bother me. I go back and forth on if I should bring these things up yet. But every time I decided I want to bring it up, I chicken out. Or every once in a while I'll actually start the conversation but some how it moves on to other things.

I kinda feel like this whole thing is stupid. It's just really been bothering me lately and I'm not sure how I should handle it.
 

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I think after 4 years of being together and two years of living together, you deserve to know what lies ahead in your future. And the only way to find out is to discuss it with him and let him know what YOU would like to see.
 

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I disagree with Chris. You are the OLDEST at 22 and your younger siblings are ENGAGED???? Holy cow stop it! You are WAY too young! Where is college? Where is tech or trade school?? Where is the time you need to find yourself? You are ALL too young to be thinking about marriage! Maybe 22 isn't too bad but you've been with him since 18! If you push him into marriage (and not because you love him, because you are in this pseudo competition with your siblings) he'll resent the wild oats and youth he missed out on. Because I bet you'll be knocked up in no time.

Cool your heels. Use birth control. Some day when you two split your siblings will all be jealous of the freedom and fun life you have while they are tied down with babies.
 

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I agree. You are way too young for this! People change so much in their twenties. I know you are jealous but trust me the ring means nothing when you are in the middle of a divorce. Take the high road and wait.
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though it is natural to compare yourself with your siblings, you need to focus on what is best for you and go your way. don't make a decision based on what others are doing. what matters is your happiness and the happiness of your mate, whether it is your current bf or ends up being someone else. the right age for you to marry is the age that is right for you and no one else.
 

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Are your sisters marrying the fathers of their children?

The divorce rate is extremely high for women who marry before the age of 25 and men before the age of 30. One of the reasons for this is that the human brain does not finish development until age 26. The person you are today is not the person you will be in your late 20's.

In the case of your sisters, if they are marrying guys who are not the fathers of their children, the changes of them getting a divorce is over 70%. Don't envy them. They are most likely in for a hard life.

Right now you should be pursuing and education or tade school and building a career.
 

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Discussion Starter · #7 · (Edited)
This was a response to this:

I disagree with Chris. You are the OLDEST at 22 and your younger siblings are ENGAGED???? Holy cow stop it! You are WAY too young! Where is college? Where is tech or trade school?? Where is the time you need to find yourself? You are ALL too young to be thinking about marriage! Maybe 22 isn't too bad but you've been with him since 18! If you push him into marriage (and not because you love him, because you are in this pseudo competition with your siblings) he'll resent the wild oats and youth he missed out on. Because I bet you'll be knocked up in no time.

Cool your heels. Use birth control. Some day when you two split your siblings will all be jealous of the freedom and fun life you have while they are tied down with babies.

Thanks for the response. I don't think I've explained myself very well. I'm not my siblings and I agree that they are crazy. (Brother and Sister by the way) I'm also the only one in the family that understands birth control apparently. I'm not sure yet if I ever want kids and am in no rush. I'm not sure how being married would make me more likely to get pregnant. The last thing I want to do is push my bf into marriage but is it wrong to even talk about it until we're older? The reason I'm afraid to even bring it up is because I think he'll just jump the gun and propose because it's what I want and not what he wants. Also I've already been to colllege and I am a graphic designer at a small print shop.
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Only commit once you're ready, you're making a lifelong commitment here, with consequences of breaking it, along with all the responsibilities that comes with it.

I also agree to this:
though it is natural to compare yourself with your siblings, you need to focus on what is best for you and go your way. don't make a decision based on what others are doing. what matters is your happiness and the happiness of your mate, whether it is your current bf or ends up being someone else. the right age for you to marry is the age that is right for you and no one else.
Don't do something just because everyone is doing it. Fk everyone else, do what you feel is right for yourself or you may live to regret it.
 

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Discussion Starter · #10 · (Edited)
I think after 4 years of being together and two years of living together, you deserve to know what lies ahead in your future. And the only way to find out is to discuss it with him and let him know what YOU would like to see.
Thanks for the response and for understanding what I was really asking. I'm afraid to tell him what I want because he always justs wants to make me happy. I admit that I would like to be engaged right now but I would much prefer to wait until he's ready. I'd just hate to end up engaged just because I was curious.
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Discussion Starter · #11 ·
Do you want to marry your boyfriend or do you just want to get married?
I think this is the question I really needed to be asked. I don't want to get married at all right now. I do want to be with my boyfriend. I do want to get married eventually and would like to talk about it with him.

I think the issue is that I'm a planner. I want to figure out when all this stuff should happen. I love saving up and budgeting and planning for events(vacations, parties, etc) I know a wedding is expensive and it will take me a few years to save up for it. I would like to get married when I'm 25-27 years old. Well, I kinda will need to start saving up in a year or 2. But wouldn't it be weird to save up for a wedding if you're not even engaged?

Above is what goes through my head a lot but I haven't voiced any of it to my bf. I do not want to pressure him, I want him to propose because he wants to. Should I talk to him about this at all? I'm afraid he'll propose just because it's what I want. I would rather keep this bottled up inside then ruin our relationship.

He is picking up on this though. When my brother got engaged, my bf stared asking if I was jealous that he got engaged before me. I gave him short honest answers but really didn't scratch the surface about any of this. He realized that I wasn't going to talk about it and just said, "I don't want to get married but I'll marry you if you want." That made me happy because he kinda answered the question you asked me. But the "if you want" part scared me. I want him to want to marry me, not marry me just to make me happy.
 

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Discussion Starter · #12 ·
Are your sisters marrying the fathers of their children?

The divorce rate is extremely high for women who marry before the age of 25 and men before the age of 30. One of the reasons for this is that the human brain does not finish development until age 26. The person you are today is not the person you will be in your late 20's.

In the case of your sisters, if they are marrying guys who are not the fathers of their children, the changes of them getting a divorce is over 70%. Don't envy them. They are most likely in for a hard life.

Right now you should be pursuing and education or tade school and building a career.
 

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Discussion Starter · #13 ·
Are your sisters marrying the fathers of their children?

The divorce rate is extremely high for women who marry before the age of 25 and men before the age of 30. One of the reasons for this is that the human brain does not finish development until age 26. The person you are today is not the person you will be in your late 20's.

In the case of your sisters, if they are marrying guys who are not the fathers of their children, the changes of them getting a divorce is over 70%. Don't envy them. They are most likely in for a hard life.

Right now you should be pursuing and education or tade school and building a career.
My brother and sister are engaged to the mother and father of their children. My brother(19) has been with his fiance for 3 years and they actually just had their son 2 days ago (He wasn't quite born yet when I originally posted but I didn't feel like going into detail before). My sister(21) has a 9 month old daughter and has been with her fiance for about 2 years, I think. I know they are in a hard life and that I'm better off. But I kinda envy the experiences they got to have before me. It's not fair that I'm being responsible but they already had those special moments that I'm still preparing myself for. I went to college. I'm a graphic designer. I'm building my career. I don't see how talking to my boyfriend about our future is going to ruin my career. Even if we got married I don't think it would ruin my career. I'm not sure if I ever want kids and I have a niece and nephew to fill that void for me.
 
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