[Feelused]

I'm so confused.

We've know each other for 24 years ... 10 of them married.

We started our married life both working and the future was looking good. Less than a year after getting married, she starts coming home crying from work the stress was so bad. I was earning a decent income, and agreed with her desire to try creating a home business.

I was a bad idea.

Years went by and it only made enough to support itself. I asked and asked her to help with the load, but there was always a new and improved version of the biz coming that would make things better.

Still a bad concept.

Two years later she joins a group that's very spiritual (to put it nicely).

8 months ago we decide to separate.

Current day is we still live in the same house (me downstairs her up) but she still isn't working and I'm paying for everything!! I'm guessing she's after half of the house and my pension, and I'm almost certain she's aiming for support. I'm holding on a lawyer because I don't have a list of demands to take to him.

I feel like I'm going insane.

I go off to work each day while she's home in bed.

To make things harder, my area at work might be phased out due to a buy out ... and I worry about that to.

I'm 52 and if she takes half of everything, I'm to old to start again, and it's extremely unlikely I'd get a job that pays this well again.

I feel so exhausted thinking about things, and there are times my head goes to some very dark area's.

How do you guys figure out where to start?

Btw ... Thank you for listening. Not many friends and this place feels like I have a place to vent where they get what I mean.

 

[zappy88200]

I feel you man...can you try to work things out with your wife?

 

[Nsweet]

That's all!

No really that's it?

Divorce here is completely avoidable!

Here goes. Your wife is depressed or has been ever since her dream of the home business failed, yet you still managed to go on. She has some self esteem issues and doesn't want to swallow her fair share bite of the huge sh!t sandwhich called dissappointment in adult life. Her choice!

What this means for you is one of two choices both of which require you to pull away and act happy! No matter what keep this in mind and things will improve.

Number one, you go through with divorce and tell her nothing she hasn't heard from your lawyer. This will be very costly and you may end up seeing her resort to manipulation and taking more money from you in order to feel better about herself, so she can start up another failing business.

Number two, you lay down some boundaries like the guy in the article I've posten and empathize with her feelings, agree on whatever so she will stop looking for ways to bash you, but you refuse to pay for anything but basic food and rent and utilities.

You may be able to reconcile sooner this way but you absolutely HAVE TO COMMAND RESPECT. That means no giving into temper tantrums or allowing her to manipulate you into her demands with sweetness or sex. She's depressed because of the choices she's continued to make and it is not your job to ride in as the white night to save her. If that's what your marriage was based on, always saving her and the need to be needed, then you may be better off cutting your losses now because someone who is always in need of rescuing will ALWAYS FIND WAYS TO BE HELPLESS.

Brass Balls Award: Husband Sets Boundaries with Slacker Wife and Tells Her to Grow Up and Get a Job | Shrink4Men