I think you might have to compromise a little bit, which it sounds like you’re open to do.ever since I met my husband they have always been a handful, I fortunately set proper boundaries as soon as I came into their life so they haven't been horrendous here. however I think when mom and dad were together the kids ruled the roost and didn't have any discipline so they argued and fought constantly, this still happens occasionally here but when it does you know about it, the whole house goes into turmoil, to the point where I've left the house on numerous occasions.
they do have respect for us but it seems absolutely non for their mother, and her basically kicking them out to live with us has only added fuel to the fire with their relationship with her. but everything she's done in her mind is totally justified, she doesn't seem to take any responsibility for her children and has just shunned it off as '' well you wanted to live with her dad'' which was never the case, they didn't have any choice.
but yes you are totally right, I want some time for us.
a couple of weeks ago I said about going to the cinema to watch a film id wanted to go and see and he responded that the younger daughter might like to go and watch that to, and I did get the hump I will admit because I just wanted it to be me and him, I'm not entirely sure whether that was the fear of leaving them in the house alone together for a few hours or him compensating for their mother never taking them anywhere.
I agree with the conversations that you need to have. And in the way of compromise, can you settle for “short excursions” ro be alone with hubby. Like the movie, or regular date nights, or a day trip to a park or something… but hire a “babysitter”?
It sounds like the girls are big enough they shouldn’t need one…but apparently they do. But take them on some excursions with you, and add ground rules for behavior. Once they start to comply then they can travel more with you, but still you can have a bit of alone time.
I love your attitude and awareness… this is temporary. Maybe not even a year until one of them matures enough to be that babysitter.
Good luck to you!