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I understand you very well because my wife and feel this sometimes with our own children. We have teenage children that every time we try to go somewhere specifically overnight they gaslight us, blackmail us before and after as if we are doing something horrible to them by leaving entire house, cooked food for teenagers having full freedom to do what they want. And we go for a few days may be twice a year and take longer trip of a week or 10 days maybe once in 2-3 years.

And do not listen to others who said the problem is "temporary". There is nothing "temporary" in the problem that won't go away for another 5 years. This is enough time to destroy your relationship and your marriage. You may not admit this but yes, you are "stuck". You need to either accept your fate that you signed up not only for a marriage but deal with unruly, ungrateful, rude kids who are not even yours or you need to leave your marriage. It is highly unlikely the kids will start suddenly spending more time with their mom if they have not done this yet.
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