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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
All I want to do is lay in my bed and cry..but how can I do that with 4 lil ones depending on me for everything? I CANT..I decided im going to file 4 D. I emailed my husband told him and also said best of luck to him and OW. His response was goodluck to you to. He doesnt even care that he ruined our family. He doesnt care that he hasnt seen or spoke to kids in a month. He doesnt care that he walked away. Why do I? Why do I still love him? Why do I have this hope in my heart that he will "wake up" and fight for us? Do everything to make it right? He wont. I gave him 7yrs. He had ample times to change. He threw it all away. Why wont my heart catch up to my mind and LET GO? I cnt stop thinking about him and OW..help
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Mama2five- I am so sorry this is happening, and that you have to go through this. These feelings are so normal to feel. I am in the same situation and can't quite figure out why my h would choose D over his family. Stay strong. You deserve better than that putz. At least we have our kids and hopefully you have family and friends to lean on.
Best wishes
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You need to summon every nuance of cold emotion you have ever laid claim to. Every time you start thinking of "putz" as Mrs Bee so charmingly phrased it, think of yourself many years from now.

Lovingly bouncing a grandchild on your knee while she coos at you. Then you will think back to these days and wonder why it was so hard to pass on the loser that lives in the other side of town and tries hard to maintain a little foothold in his children's lives.

Focus on your children Mamma you have 5 that will comfort you in return for your good heart and dedication. That is your man job right now.
 

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All I want to do is lay in my bed and cry..but how can I do that with 4 lil ones depending on me for everything? I CANT..I decided im going to file 4 D. I emailed my husband told him and also said best of luck to him and OW. His response was goodluck to you to. He doesnt even care that he ruined our family. He doesnt care that he hasnt seen or spoke to kids in a month. He doesnt care that he walked away. Why do I? Why do I still love him? Why do I have this hope in my heart that he will "wake up" and fight for us? Do everything to make it right? He wont. I gave him 7yrs. He had ample times to change. He threw it all away. Why wont my heart catch up to my mind and LET GO? I cnt stop thinking about him and OW..help
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As much as this hurts, you will get better. You will enjoy life again. You will be happy again. He has betrayed you and the children in unmentionable ways and the pain is intense. Lean on us and others. We're here to lend a shoulder and encourage you.
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
Thank you guys for your kind words. You as complete strangers show more concern and compassion than my H.
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Good riddance M2W. What do you expect your husband could teach your children? His lying, cheating ways? You know at heart that you are the only one being adult here and only you can show your children the example of how a decent and honorable human being should behave. Good luck and you will come out in one piece at the end of the tunnel.
 

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All that stuff inn the email about "good luck with the other woman, I've filed for divorce" is completely unecessary and is basically announcing to him that you're still bitter and not over him. It only fuels his fire, builds his ego and continues to validate him as a person.

Filing for divorce was all you needed to do, and going forward, the only contact you need to have with him is going to need to be minimal and only as necessary for business, financial arrangements or for the best interests of the children. Keep the personal stuff and the sarcastic well wishes out of it.
 

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Discussion Starter · #8 ·
Your right he isnt going to teach the kids anything good in this mindstate he is in. And I shouldnt have said any well wishes but he makes me so pissed off and hurt! I didnt think it thru just said it.
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Your right he isnt going to teach the kids anything good in this mindstate he is in. And I shouldnt have said any well wishes but he makes me so pissed off and hurt! I didnt think it thru just said it.
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Don't beat yourself up over this. He has no honor or integrity. You should feel like brushing your teeth and washing your hands anytime he calls on the phone. So don't answer any of his calls if he even bothers to check on his kids.

Take him to the cleaners.
 

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It might be hard right now but in the end I think you will look back and be proud of yourself for making this decision! You are making the decision to not let him hurt you anymore. Take care of your children's mother, they appreciate you and need you more then you know!
 

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My kids are adults and I still have a strong desire to see and talk with them. I cannot imagine a father of little kids turning his back like this.

You love the guy you married not the guy he is now. The guy he is now is a real ahole and should be treated as such. Keep that in mind when you file for D. Go after the ahole and not the guy you think you still are in love with.

Put you and the kids as number one on your list.
 

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All that stuff inn the email about "good luck with the other woman, I've filed for divorce" is completely unecessary and is basically announcing to him that you're still bitter and not over him. It only fuels his fire, builds his ego and continues to validate him as a person.

Filing for divorce was all you needed to do, and going forward, the only contact you need to have with him is going to need to be minimal and only as necessary for business, financial arrangements or for the best interests of the children. Keep the personal stuff and the sarcastic well wishes out of it.
This is exactly what you need to do. I know you can't do it because you never anticipated this move by him but try to be tough for the sake for kids. As everyone here say, at-least try to fake it.
 

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There have always been people like your H in the world, people who take what they want for the time that they want it, not caring very much if they hurt people in the process.

Things are complicated, people are complicated, so your H probably has points in the plus column, too. You stayed with him for 7 years, have a family with him and still love him, so your heart tells you that there is some good in him. But now he has shown very clearly that the bad in him outweighs the good, certainly for you and your children.

Thank God that there have always been people like you in the world as well, people who are loyal and love and care for their children. If you can keep the focus on that as you get through each day, things will improve and you will, indeed, move on.

People who are not worthy can cause us great pain, but we are resilient. Time really does make things better.
 

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The more I live with this and learn about it the more I know that a WS does not deserve their BS. Taking a WS back is a tremendous act of generosity. You have been too generous to your WH. It's past time to show him the door.
 

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Discussion Starter · #16 ·
Your spot on! Now I have to take the revolving mechanism out of the door..im going to do this!
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M25, I empathize with your situation, this is not how a man acts. He is cold blooded in his approach. It sounds like he doesn't have a shred of decency left in him. I know it's hard to walk away, especially with the kids, but it sounds like you are absolutely done with him. That I do understand. I hope you bounce back quick, the emotions you are feeling will eventually fade with time. Good luck to you and your clan.
 

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Discussion Starter · #18 ·
Your exactly right. Turning his back on the kids is what hurts more than anything. I allowed my 6yr old to call him today but he wont answer his phone. I dont want to put my kids thru any unnecessary bs. If she asks to call him again ill say he is busy? Idk what else to say. The kids rarely speak of him due to him being gone so much-they dnt even cry for him. This seems like one big mess.
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