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I feel cheated

2739 Views 13 Replies 8 Participants Last post by  PHTlump
I don't exactly know how to deal with this relationship and my trust problems anymore. What happened was that a few months ago I found out that my boyfriend had a crush on a girl from work (she no longer works there) and they had been texting. When confronted with it, he admitted it and told her they could no longer be friends. I had this strange suspicion that something was going on so I checked his phone this past weekend.... he had talked to twice in the week. I immediately confronted him and he apologized and said it was because he heard she was coming back to work and wanted to lay ground rules. It also turns out that they have been friends on facebook. He deleted her friendship and phone number. He gave me his passwords to his cell phone account. I looked last night and saw that he was possibly texting her just last night and the night before. He denies that it was her but refused to tell whose number it was saying that it was too much. I have a 4 year old daughter who is absolutely in love with him and I don't know what to do! I don't believe him. He's been consistently lying to me. He is starting therapy to deal with his insecurities and I just don't know where to go or what to do with myself. I stupidly feel bad for him because he feels so horrible about the whole situation. I know it had to be her last night. When looking at the phone calls from the week before, that number matches the calls I saw on his phone. I don't want to break my daughter’s heart again with another man leaving her life. I love this man. I don't know how to get past this or to trust. I don't know where to go from here! Obviously don't want to talk to any friends or family about this. Someone please give me some guidance. I'm desperate.
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Dump him. He's cheating on you and not committed to you. You are lucky that you haven't married him and don't have kids with him. You are lucky that he is showing you how little he values you and your relationship before you are married.

When your daughter is a teenager, she will not even remember this guy. If you marry him and have another child, your daughter will then have to face losing her step-dad at a more vulnerable age, or she will see marriage as a man cheating on a woman, who is supposed to accept it.

Get out and don't look back. You gave him a second chance and then a third chance. Don't give him a fourth chance. He's made his choice and it's her, not you.
It makes me feel better that he is going to start therapy to deal with his own issues and is wanting to go together after he's dealt with his own things. I want to try to make it work but I don't know how.
Give me a break. Is he hearing voices in his head telling him to cheat on you? Does he believe this other woman is really his dead grandmother trying to tell him family secrets? Those are legitimate psychological issues. And I would advise you to avoid getting married to a man with such severe psychological issues.

A man claiming that he has "issues" that motivate him to cheat on you is just blowing smoke. Everybody has "issues". He knows what is right and what is wrong and he's choosing to do the wrong thing. It's that simple. And I advise you to avoid getting married to a man who can choose to do the wrong thing after promising not to multiple times.
I think you should go with option 3. End it ASAP. He cheated, promised he would stop, and didn't. Does it really matter if he stopped after the second time he promised or if he didn't?

Besides, I can almost guarantee he didn't stop. A remorseful cheater understands your need to verify and is contrite. A remorseful cheater doesn't hide evidence and dare you to find something that will prove them wrong.

Just get out while the getting's good.
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