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My wife and I have been married 20 years last July. We have three children. About six years ago she had a EA with a co-worker and insists that nothing physical happened. While I admit to wondering about that I eventually let it go.
The EA, though, made her realize that she enjoyed flirting. Before the EA she rarely talked to other men. After the EA she began relationships with two other men that she insisted were just friends. I spoke with one of them and he said that they were friends and nothing happened. I actually believe him.
By the way, I should point out that all three men I am discussing are married.
Anyway, there is a third person who lives near us. For over a year my wife kept up a phone and text correspondence with these two men and when I voiced my concerns she responded by buying phone cards and had them use *61 to disguise their numbers when I checked phone records.
On one occasion in 2011, she did not get home at the regular time from work. She normally worked until 7 pm and got home about 10 minutes later. I fed the kids and around 8:50 pm drove by her work to see if she was still there. The parking lot was empty except for a few cars by a Starbucks located at the edge of a strip mall full of doctor offices and stores. I drove the length of the lot and off to my right saw her car parked next to another. IF I was not looking for her car I would have missed it. As I drove up, this guy started his car and got out of there like a bat out of hell.
Later, my wife insisted she was not in that car. To this day I know she was lying.
Several times a week that summer my wife would leave home at about 7:30 pm and get back at 9:15. It was like clockwork, the times were almost always the same. Again, she insisted she was not seeing anyone but shopping or walking through the mall.
On one occasion she claimed that she was meeting one of her friends at a dunkin donuts. She came back two hours later with a hot cup of coffee that was not touched. I should point out that I had to take my son someplace and could not find my keys. I am certain she had them or hid them.
The next morning I spoke to her friend who told me she had not spoken to my wife in several weeks.
Okay, all of that ended in September 2012 when she realized that our marriage was not going to survive with her talking to these guys behind my back. And she always insisted that nothing ever happened and that she never saw these guys in person. I should also point out that I never met the third person despite her promises to have us meet.
Well, this past Saturday night my wife got angry with me about something and texted this guy. They exchanged several texts.
Late last night I looked at her phone. When he recognized who was texting, he responded with, "Hi, sweetie." The next text said, "I miss you."
I admit that I do not want to give her the benefit of the doubt but these two texts really bother me.
I should also point out that she did not respond to the sweetie or I miss you.
I also want to point out that she often told me that she would never allow another man to use terms of endearment toward her but she clearly did not do that. Again, though, she did not respond to that either.
Her responses were along the lines of "how are you and the family?"
So, now what?
Thanks.
 

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Your wife has carried on (and is carrying on) at least emotional affairs. She is waving a TON of Red Flags like:

-six years ago she had a EA with a co-worker
-After the EA she began relationships with two other men
-she responded by buying phone cards and had them use *61 to disguise their numbers when I checked phone records
-She comes home at oddd times with pathetic excuses
-She may have hidden your keys to keep you from following her
-She's using (and accepting0 terms of endearment

Your wife's boundaries are clearly inappropriate and I wouldn't be at all surprised if some of these EAs are actually PAs

It's time for you to dig a little more to find out what she's up to.

Get 2 voice activated recorders. Place one under the front seat of her car with heavy duty velcro and keep the other one handy so you can switch them out or use it in the house where she likes to make or recieve calls.

Get a GPS unit for her car that you can track on line to see where she's going as opposed to where she's says she has been

Put a keylogger on your PC to monitor her online communications

Prepare for the shock of your life!

You should aslo ask a moderator to move this thread to the Coping With Infidelity section.

You'll get some great advice there
 

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She's very sneaky & not very good at it!

I think she's a serial cheater looking for attention from other men. I suspect she is having sex with them as well. She invests a lot of time away from the family to persue theses activites.

Of course these random men are not friends as she claims.

It sounds like she has a nice life with you & your children, so these activites sound like extracurricular fun for her & not someone looking for a replacement husband.

You need to shut it all down asap. She will thank you for it later.
 

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My wife and I have been married 20 years last July. We have three children. About six years ago she had a EA with a co-worker and insists that nothing physical happened. While I admit to wondering about that I eventually let it go.
The EA, though, made her realize that she enjoyed flirting. Before the EA she rarely talked to other men. After the EA she began relationships with two other men that she insisted were just friends. I spoke with one of them and he said that they were friends and nothing happened. I actually believe him.
By the way, I should point out that all three men I am discussing are married.
Anyway, there is a third person who lives near us. For over a year my wife kept up a phone and text correspondence with these two men and when I voiced my concerns she responded by buying phone cards and had them use *61 to disguise their numbers when I checked phone records.
On one occasion in 2011, she did not get home at the regular time from work. She normally worked until 7 pm and got home about 10 minutes later. I fed the kids and around 8:50 pm drove by her work to see if she was still there. The parking lot was empty except for a few cars by a Starbucks located at the edge of a strip mall full of doctor offices and stores. I drove the length of the lot and off to my right saw her car parked next to another. IF I was not looking for her car I would have missed it. As I drove up, this guy started his car and got out of there like a bat out of hell.
Later, my wife insisted she was not in that car. To this day I know she was lying.
Several times a week that summer my wife would leave home at about 7:30 pm and get back at 9:15. It was like clockwork, the times were almost always the same. Again, she insisted she was not seeing anyone but shopping or walking through the mall.
On one occasion she claimed that she was meeting one of her friends at a dunkin donuts. She came back two hours later with a hot cup of coffee that was not touched. I should point out that I had to take my son someplace and could not find my keys. I am certain she had them or hid them.
The next morning I spoke to her friend who told me she had not spoken to my wife in several weeks.
Okay, all of that ended in September 2012 when she realized that our marriage was not going to survive with her talking to these guys behind my back. And she always insisted that nothing ever happened and that she never saw these guys in person. I should also point out that I never met the third person despite her promises to have us meet.
Well, this past Saturday night my wife got angry with me about something and texted this guy. They exchanged several texts.
Late last night I looked at her phone. When he recognized who was texting, he responded with, "Hi, sweetie." The next text said, "I miss you."
I admit that I do not want to give her the benefit of the doubt but these two texts really bother me.
I should also point out that she did not respond to the sweetie or I miss you.
I also want to point out that she often told me that she would never allow another man to use terms of endearment toward her but she clearly did not do that. Again, though, she did not respond to that either.
Her responses were along the lines of "how are you and the family?"
So, now what?
Thanks.
The going underground screams PA, not EA. EA's are usually hidden and justified through the "just a friend" disguise. There are some secretive aspects, but many times the WS in an EA doesn't even think they're doing something wrong. A PA...that's different the WS can't hide that they're doing something wrong under a mask so they turn super secretive.

I'm sorry to say, you're wife is having physical affairs...there's no doubt in my mind. The consistent times away from the house, the alibis etc.

Don't talk to your wife about it. It's time to do some secretive research and get proof.
 

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Well, I doubt she'll thank him for ruining her fun, and I doubt it's worth his time to stay with her.

OP, you've shown her again and again that you'll tolerate intolerable behavior from her. Sure, she is on her best behavior when she is going to suffer, but has no problem at all with allowing you to suffer. If this argument was enough to prompt her to reach other to another man even though she KNOWS your marriage is at risk, then you should realize you will never be able to let your guard down. It's who she is... someone who seeks male validation when she's unhappy.
 
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