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Thank you for your response and I do agree that a sexless marriage would deeply negatively impact our relationship and I really am trying, it just kinda hurts at the moment.

Just to clarify though, I knew this time would be rough on him. I serviced him orally a couple days after getting home from the hospital. We did some non-penitration stuff and then had gentle sex when I was 5 weeks pp. I've still been allowing intimacy. I just don't feel the same anymore. I try to be sexy, make him enjoy it but inwardly when he brings up sexy time I kinda want to cry but I still do it.
I find the title of your OP funny. Not in an amusing way, but in a serious outlook.

If we were to take your thread title literally, then mind as well pack it up and split because in a marriage where there's no sex, there's no marriage. Mind as well and divorce now.

From what you exposed here, him watching porn is the least of your problems, but you're centering on it.

Where, I mean where the heck you'd get the idea that that's no normal or typical? Do you come from one of those families where sex, and certain man or woman functions are taboo to the other? I ask because that statement is so far out the left field. No wonder why he was offended, and it developed into a bigger issue.
I snipped your post Rob_1.
If you read the two, maybe you will see the divide. It's not at all uncommon or unusual for a woman who has recently given birth to a human to focus all attention on the newborn child. It is also not unusual for a woman to be very protective of her newborn and not thinking of the man who wants sex.
Bonding with the new family and expecting sex from a woman who has recently given birth are two entirely different mentalities. Men, if they are wise will tread lightly on this.
But of course, there are bulls in the china and the chips do fall.
It would be great if she were met with care, it comes back around for loving fathers.
Hard resentment for others, a woman's memory is long.
 

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Agree with all said @lifeistooshort except this paragraph, particularly the bolded bit.
His effort went unnoticed.
She is breastfeeding. He hasn't a clue. He's simply trying to tell ger to shut up, because he can do it better.

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@Cynthia, I agree that he doesn't have a clue. She said they had a huge fight after he offered to get up with the baby in order for her to sleep.
If a man is to be at his best and needed the most, it is after a woman gives birth to his child. If he is not a protector at this time, if the mother of his child does not feel safe, his most important job is failed.
He might as well be any man. This is the truth.
Everything that follows will be a reaction to this. Years away will come back to these days.
That this jacka** is hurting her to get off right now is the end for him.
He'll be here complaining in a year or more.
 

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I find the title of your OP funny. Not in an amusing way, but in a serious outlook.

If we were to take your thread title literally, then mind as well pack it up and split because in a marriage where there's no sex, there's no marriage. Mind as well and divorce now.

From what you exposed here, him watching porn is the least of your problems, but you're centering on it.





Where, I mean where the heck you'd get the idea that that's no normal or typical? Do you come from one of those families where sex, and certain man or woman functions are taboo to the other? I ask because that statement is so far out the left field. No wonder why he was offended, and it developed into a bigger issue.

The real problem is that he actually seems to have little regard for you, and you due to post partum haven't reach equilibrium hormonally yet. These are the issues that are really affecting the relationship. He's a **** for not being more understanding of were you are as far as emotions, energy, rest, sleep.

And you, unless the porn watching was a boundary that you requested before marriage, and he's now breaking that boundary, then even though it makes you feel less and ugly, for him and for most men in this world, porn is nothing but a masturbatory aid for a quick release. It has nothing to do, with you, or your whatever it is that you perceive as flaws in your body. Most men can have sex a bunch of times a day, and still they will masturbate. Unless the porn/ masturbation affects your sexual intimacy, by him not being able to perform, then if it wasn't a preset boundary in the relationship, then your nagging and getting into arguments because of it, all it does is to make things worse.

Concentrate on the real issues in your relationship...that of his lack of concern for your needs, his brusk reactions, and your short handle of your emotions. This is a time where a couple, regardless of the hardships that a new baby brings, must compenetrate all their energies, feelings, etc., to do what must be done for the benefit of the best harmonial environment in which to bring this baby up to the next step of his growing.
No sex with a 7 week old baby is a no sex marriage? That seems a little melodramatic.

And accordingly to her he's even getting oral.
 

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I can see that.....I tore pretty badly with both of mine and was in pain for a while.

Fortunately even my douchebag kids father understood that.
My husband tiptoed around until I had to finally say to stop being so, um, gentle. He was terrified of hurting me. But then he really wanted a child and was thrilled to have his son. He was 34 when our son was born.
 

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I used to visit the library a lot decades ago, so I might accidentally bring one home, start it, throw up from the sappy milarky, and then take it back, but that's as far as I've gotten. The closest to it I intentionally read, I guess, would be Victorian Gothic classics, which I love. No sex there. Maybe some ankle action. And then once in awhile a light mystery that has a romance subplot. I used to accidentally surf onto the Hallmark Channel which was the same thing, but again, no actual sex.
I recall as a kid finding book in our house “Forever Amber” written in the 1940s. Believe was set in Victorian England, it was full of lots of sex.
 

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I recall as a kid finding book in our house “Forever Amber” written in the 1940s. Believe was set in Victorian England, it was full of lots of sex.
Haha. But it was written in 1940, not during Victorian times. Someone thought, Hey, those novels would be a lot better if they had sex in them.
 
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I'm going to sidestep the porn and body image issues.

You both need better conflict resolution.

You need better communication, openness and to learn how to "fight" fair with each other.

You are having too many conversations turn into a fight and his go to move is to run home to daddy.

This is not a sustainable situation. He appears to be conflict avoidant and immature.

I would suggest reading some marriage resources together and committing to doing the homework in them.

Love Busters, The Five Love Languages and several other books can be good resources for at least learning to communicate better with each other.

I see this initially as your biggest problem and not your self image or his porn use.

Those two issues will be easier to resolve once you both have learned to communicate better.
 

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No sex with a 7 week old baby is a no sex marriage? That seems a little melodramatic.

And accordingly to her he's even getting oral.
I guess, you either, just read the intro part of my post, didn't understand it at all, or I failed to convey my meaning.

I was just conveying that as per her thread title, the relationship wouldn't work in the long run if that was to be her attitude towards her husband because of porn.

I never implied that after just a few weeks of having a baby she should be having sex like a Bonobo chimp. As a matter of fact I think is callous for her husband to be asking for sex at this moment. When my wife had our daughters, I never coerce her to anything, nor I made any moves toward having sex until she indicated that she was ready. Still I asked on both instances if she was sure that she was ready, because on both instances my concerns were for her complete well being and didn't want to rush her with anything that could potentially cause her damage or discomfort.

As a matter of fact my relief form was porn masturbation until she was physically and mentally ready. Plus I took leave of absence for a few weeks at work to take care of her. First ten days I bathed and did everything fir my daughters because my wife was in bed. My wife would pump and have milk ready for our daughters and we would take turns feeding at night. One day she would sleep and I fed, next day it was her turn. We were a team, something that OP does not have. They are not a team. They are clashing with each other instead of coming together at one of the most precious moments of their existence. Regardless of how tired it is, how much sleep deprivation it causes, etc.
 

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One day she would sleep and I fed, next day it was her turn. We were a team, something that OP does not have. They are not a team. They are clashing with each other instead of coming together at one of the most precious moments of their existence. Regardless of how tired it is, how much sleep deprivation it causes, etc.
Same with us. We were a team.
 

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I guess, you either, just read the intro part of my post, didn't understand it at all, or I failed to convey my meaning.

I was just conveying that as per her thread title, the relationship wouldn't work in the long run if that was to be her attitude towards her husband because of porn.

I never implied that after just a few weeks of having a baby she should be having sex like a Bonobo chimp. As a matter of fact I think is callous for her husband to be asking for sex at this moment. When my wife had our daughters, I never coerce her to anything, nor I made any moves toward having sex until she indicated that she was ready. Still I asked on both instances if she was sure that she was ready, because on both instances my concerns were for her complete well being and didn't want to rush her with anything that could potentially cause her damage or discomfort.

As a matter of fact my relief form was porn masturbation until she was physically and mentally ready. Plus I took leave of absence for a few weeks at work to take care of her. First ten days I bathed and did everything fir my daughters because my wife was in bed. My wife would pump and have milk ready for our daughters and we would take turns feeding at night. One day she would sleep and I fed, next day it was her turn. We were a team, something that OP does not have. They are not a team. They are clashing with each other instead of coming together at one of the most precious moments of their existence. Regardless of how tired it is, how much sleep deprivation it causes, etc.
You're right....I didn't get this from your other post. This one is much clearer so thanks for that.

I've said that I think her main issue is that she's married to a tantrum throwing brat, and I suspect if her husband behaved like you did her situation would be much different.

I still think porn is going to be tough on a new mother who's hormonal, likely in physical discomfort, feels fat, and is nursing so any smart guy would keep that on the down low.

And since women are attracted to men who male them feel safe, him stomping off to daddy's probably makes the porn even worse.

I'm glad to see so many guys here were actual men when their kids were born.
 

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still think porn is going to be tough on a new mother who's hormonal, likely in physical discomfort, feels fat, and is nursing so any smart guy would keep that on the down low.
Exactly, that's what I did. I kept it on the down low.
Why would a man be so graphic doing it in front of the wife, whilr she's all hormonal and feeling like crap.
I think that a lot of today's dudes are crass, and lack common sense empathy.
 

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I was wondering what OP's FIL is like. Was thinking when husband called his dad, he should have gotten an earful. But maybe the husband is a product of his poor upbringing, FIL is just an older version of her immature husband.
 

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Thank you for your response and I do agree that a sexless marriage would deeply negatively impact our relationship and I really am trying, it just kinda hurts at the moment.

Just to clarify though, I knew this time would be rough on him. I serviced him orally a couple days after getting home from the hospital. We did some non-penitration stuff and then had gentle sex when I was 5 weeks pp. I've still been allowing intimacy. I just don't feel the same anymore. I try to be sexy, make him enjoy it but inwardly when he brings up sexy time I kinda want to cry but I still do it.
Ok, I want to say this upfront. Bless your heart! This answer does show you love and care for your husband. You both need to understand that your body has undergone very real physical changes due to pregnancy and birth. You're emotional side has undergone even more..as a mother, your nurturing instant in full swing. You are emotionally and physically invested in your child right now. This a natural and normal thing. Ensure that you allow him to share with nurturing his new baby as well. Fathers of newborns can sometimes feel....left out. Since you mention your breastfeeding, express some into bottles and allow him to feed the baby as well and bond as you have. Shared nurturing and love for your child is important and helps with intimacy with the baby as well as with you!
Your husband is a fortunate man that he has a wife that was willing to engage him physically as you have so soon. My wife and I took over 3 months to get back to romantic intimacy. Wasn't anything wrong and because I was deeply involved with nurturing our daughter I didn't even notice, because of establish a life long bond with my daughter.
If you are both patient and loving communicate about this it will be fine.
As to the porn issue. If this is a recent development in his relationship with you, then it is something to slowly discuss with him. Especially if he didn't use it before. It's very hard in this world now to hide from porn. It has pervaded so many ares of the media and is easier to access than ever. Some men will occasionally view it to get images for their "spank bank", some may become addicted and loose sight of reality. I'd guess that the majority of men do not understand the feelings their partners experience when they find they are viewing porn. It is quite complex. Men are more physical in sex and easily aroused by visual stimulus, where as women are much more emotional. It's when the porn intrudes into the intimacy of a couple the problems arise, especially if the women feels she is being compared to or competing with this, or if the op has tried to take niche fantasy and make it a reality in the bedroom.
If you haven't been married very long, on average it does come down to communication. It takes awhile sometimes for both partners to become comfortable enough to disclosure in seriousness that they do masturbate. It's about as intimate as person can get and most spend their time doing it behind closed doors quietly and privately. So maybe you can get him to relax about this and suggest he do it for you, or possibly a mutual session to drop barriers of shyness and add depth to your intimacy.
The key is honest and genuine talk between you both. No accusations or shaming. Be open, honest and loving. Best wishes to you both
 
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