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Discussion starter · #21 ·
So i have reached out to a friend to see about talking to the kids and she said to giver her time and to wait and be patient she is hurting now and i have to give her space. As for the legal issue and the house that is a mood point it is not about the money or the house she can have it all i can make more money and buy another house. As for the children that is a different story i am going to listen to her request and i am sure she will listen to mine and to be honest i think we are going to have to sit in front of mediator and figure this out as it will get dirty of we don't. I know the mother has first rights and i am ok with that as she is an amazing mother but almost all that she has is because of me. I am not going to take any of that away from her or impact the kids life.
 
Discussion starter · #23 ·
Thanks for the suggestion but a lot has transpired from yesterday and i don't think that is going to make a difference I finally spoke to her last night and it was not good or bad but there was no change she still wants me to stay away and she doesn't want me to go home or reach out. She wants me to continue therapy and i found out yesterday she has been seeing a therapist as well which i am happy about but kind of upset she was hiding it. I tried to tell her last night how i felt and what i wanted but i didn't get the reaction i wanted she was cold and distant and i just want her back i miss her and the kids so much.
 
So i have reached out to a friend to see about talking to the kids and she said
You just can't help yourself. Stop talking to women if you want your wife to believe that you have seen the error of your ways.

You need to find a way to self-soothe without seeking women's attention. You're coming off as a guy whose mommy weaned him too soon or not soon enough.
 
Discussion starter · #25 ·
The person i reached out to is her best friend and out nieghbor. The reason i reached out is because i know they talk everyday and i wanted to know what was going on in my wifes head. I am weak right now because everything i want is now up in the air that is a hard thing to handle and a hard thing to swallow.
 
Your wife's best friend is not going to betray her confidences. You need to just stop.
That's what I was about to say. You can't count at all on the friend either sharing or passing on accurate information.

And she isn't required to. Keeping talking to her will not help
 
Discussion starter · #32 ·
@JMF76 It seems as if your wife was suspicious of you. Why would she be suspicious?
This is not the first time. Now why she was suspicious i dont know i dont know when she found the evidence and how long she has been holding on to it. The event happened November 10 and she confronted me on the 25. So i am thinking this was manifesting. What is weird is that all the way up to the 25 things were normal we talked we laughed we shared and then all of a sudden it was over. Its not like we were fighting for weeks or that we didnt talk for days not until all this happened then she cut ties. I am very confused about everything she has been going to therapy for weeks and didnt tell me if I would have known that i would have wanted to know why and wanted to possibly do my own therapy since this issues are not with just her.
 
Discussion starter · #33 ·
This is not the first time. Now why she was suspicious i dont know i dont know when she found the evidence and how long she has been holding on to it. The event happened November 10 and she confronted me on the 25. So i am thinking this was manifesting. What is weird is that all the way up to the 25 things were normal we talked we laughed we shared and then all of a sudden it was over. Its not like we were fighting for weeks or that we didnt talk for days not until all this happened then she cut ties. I am very confused about everything she has been going to therapy for weeks and didnt tell me if I would have known that i would have wanted to know why and wanted to possibly do my own therapy since this issues are not with just her.

I dont hide that fact that i made a mistake and i have some issues i need either therapy or medication for what i dont understand is what is happening with us. I know all the reasons she wants a divorce i dont know any of her reasons as to why she doesnt. Thats what i really want to know and something i think will help my therapy. Is it because of the kids or financial or that she still loves me and wants to make sure this is the last time and i do want to change. But because we dont communicate and we had issues communicating before i dont think i am going to find out any time soon. When speaking with her last night she was cold and distant and short with answers not much to say i did all the talking. We were on the phone for about 2 hours and i didnt want to get off i just wanted to hear her voice i just wanted to make it right to fix it. I have been reading the 180 lessons and trying to implement them into my life but its difficult it could go either way. If we stay together i have to work on seperate things then if we got a divorce. I am not sure that makes sense to all but if she is not going to take me back why do i have to change everything about myself. I know i have to change some to be a better person.

If we stay together i will work on my emotions and stepping out and some of the other sexual problems we are having. If we are not staying together why do i have to change that why do i have to change or someone that no longer wants me. I never hided who i was and my interest and she has admitted it so again what is keeping her around what is stopping her from filing paper and getting ahead of me in the rest of her life. Meaning draining the accounts and locking me out of the house or anything along those lines i want to know that if we both in limbo and waiting its for the same reason.
 
Thanks for the suggestion but a lot has transpired from yesterday and i don't think that is going to make a difference I finally spoke to her last night and it was not good or bad but there was no change she still wants me to stay away and she doesn't want me to go home or reach out. She wants me to continue therapy and i found out yesterday she has been seeing a therapist as well which i am happy about but kind of upset she was hiding it. I tried to tell her last night how i felt and what i wanted but i didn't get the reaction i wanted she was cold and distant and i just want her back i miss her and the kids so much.
What about asking her to go together to a therapist ?
 
There is far more going in here than you’re divulging because what you’ve stated doesn’t make sense.
You’ve alluded to sexual dysfunction and past “talking to women” problems.
A man’s wife doesn’t divorce him when she catches him having a casual conversation with a woman, even on some stupid site like you’re on. There’s more to this whole story. Nobody can give you any decent advice with knowing the details of your transgressions and the problems in your marriage that were preexisting the “incident” on Nov. 10th.
Your business isn’t my business. I’m just mentioning this so you understand that good advice won’t come from the uninformed.

You are all jacked out of shape, and do is your wife. From what you’ve said, you are guilty of something more than you describe.
Your wife may have something she’s hiding as well.
 
I agree with @Evinrude58 there is a lot more to this story that you are admitting, I think you have much worse baggage than you describe here. We really can’t help you without the truth. It sounds like you have had online emotional affairs for a long time. Maybe she is done because of your past cheating. You are goihg to have to come clean in order for us to help you AT ALL or for you to have a hope at salvaging your marriage! Forget these fake women!!!! Love the one that is flesh and blood in front of you. Who gave you offspring!!! Forget these phantom women online. They will only rob you of a decent family life,
 
Discussion starter · #39 ·
I agree with @Evinrude58 there is a lot more to this story that you are admitting, I think you have much worse baggage than you describe here. We really can’t help you without the truth. It sounds like you have had online emotional affairs for a long time. Maybe she is done because of your past cheating. You are goihg to have to come clean in order for us to help you AT ALL or for you to have a hope at salvaging your marriage! Forget these fake women!!!! Love the one that is flesh and blood in front of you. Who gave you offspring!!! Forget these phantom women online. They will only rob you of a decent family life,

I am sure there is a lot more to the story and a lot she has not shared with me. She obviously has concern and worried about getting back together because it is a merry go around and i keep ****ing up and i need help and i am trying to get help. I am seeing a theripast although it is fresh and i just started but i feel good about myself and i see a lot of issues and learning a lot about myself i am actually enjoying the self reflection at this time. I think my past actions is the main reason in which i am in the dog house and the fact she does not want to try again. I keep making the same mistake and she has had it and she is beat down with the fact that over and over she gives me a chance and i take advantage of it. Your probably asking why is not any different what is going to keep me from doing it again. Well the counceling is helping it is allowing me to see my faults and my areas i need help with. I do have issues and this time i see them and i want to work through them to be better for me her and the kids i want to be who they all deserve. My therapist and I have found out the route of the issue and thats i need constant validation and i need to be desired like a kid and thats not fair instead of demanding the validation i have to earn it. I cant just walk up and demand it i need to do something to earn it and that is part of the issue is when i dont get the validation i look for it in other ways and that is the women online. I do love my wife more then anything and she given me everything in life and i need to not take advantage of that and cherish it. This is a learning process for me and i grow better and better each day.
 
I am sure there is a lot more to the story and a lot she has not shared with me.
It's funny you get asked about what you have done and instead deflect it onto your wife.

I think my past actions is the main reason in which i am in the dog house and the fact she does not want to try again.
No kidding, of which it is pretty clear you are tap dancing around it here as well.

Since you seem to be unwilling to behave with any integrity, your wife would do very well to divorce you.

I keep making the same mistake and she has had it and she is beat down with the fact that over and over she gives me a chance and i take advantage of it.
When it happens once it might be a mistake, when you keep doing it repeatedly it isn't a mistake it is entirely deliberate.

It seems like you have come here to get a magic pill to get your wife to ignore you cheating on her.

I hope for your wife's sake, she divorces so that she doesn't have to suffer being with someone who cheats on her repeatedly.
 
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