[Palesa]

Last weekend my husband left his phone at home. I dont go through his phone - but this time I gave into the temptation. Lo and behold - I found messages between him and his friends, discussing how hot other women were etc. I was in shock. The previous evening we went out to a club together and he was sending messages to his friends going on about how hot the women at the club were. I went out of my way to look good - i had to force him to compliment me. he said i was overdressed!
so now, i feel like i cant trust him - i feel ugly and fat.

 

[Pault]

Whats hes done is unexcusable and certainly distrespectful. Sadly bing out like this in companyof a partner who is texting god knows what to god knows who is certainly on the rise.
If you could have copied these off you could have used them as a a source of evidence to confront your H. You do need to tell him youve noticed these, I suspect he feels this type of thing is ok and acceptable? Hoes he hide his phone or keep it unusually close at all times otherwise, if not, hes comfortable hes not hurting anyone. But he needs to know hes hurting you at the very least.

 

[KathyBatesel]

I wouldn't recommend Pault's approach. Confrontation (even with the texts) is not going to get your husband admiring you more.

He might or might not have been disrespectful. Based purely on your wording Palesa, he might have been. On the other hand, guys are visual creatures and it's unrealistic to expect that he won't notice other women - especially when they're dressing for the purpose of getting attention from men.

What did he mean by saying you were overdressed? Did he think you should "sl*t up" more instead of looking like you could go to the office?

I'm thinking if you're going to a club and you want your guy to have eyes only for you, go ahead and shock his senses a little bit. Get yourself something that's flattering and "HOT" instead of "beautiful."

 

[3Xnocharm]

Sorry, but commenting on other women's appearances isnt cheating. Disrespectful? Yes. I think there is some over-reaction here. Now if you look and he is texting other women, thats a different story.

 

[BjornFree]

Give him divorce

Sure

 

[Hope1964]

Sure, men look at women, all kinds of women, and think sexual thoughts about them. But those friends your husband has do not sound like friends of the marriage. Your husband should have friends who respect women, and your husband should respect you enough not to engage in such discussions. If you're married, act like it.

 

[ankh]

Last weekend my husband left his phone at home. I dont go through his phone - but this time I gave into the temptation. Lo and behold - I found messages between him and his friends, discussing how hot other women were etc. I was in shock. The previous evening we went out to a club together and he was sending messages to his friends going on about how hot the women at the club were. I went out of my way to look good - i had to force him to compliment me. he said i was overdressed!
so now, i feel like i cant trust him - i feel ugly and fat.

First, how do you feel, despite your interpretation of your hubby's appraisal ("overdressed"). How does that transform into 'fat and ugly'? Maybe he can't see straight, maybe you are just fine and he's the one with perception problems.

Second, hubby wanted to get caught. I always have my phone 'locked' as I have so much info stored on it, I don't dare leave it vulnerable to hacking or even casual persual of my data. The fact he left his phone and that he doesn't implement security says he wanted you to find his messages.

When my wife and I are OUT and About, I make lots of comments about the girls and women we encounter everywhere. My wife knows she is better than all the others and so she has no jealousy issues, doesn't even feel 'in competition' with any of the others.