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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Hello everyone. I never thought I would be on here but, I am desperate for someone to talk to.
I don't know what to do. I feel so lost.
I don't even know where to start... I have no solid proof but I think my man has cheated. I know he looks at porn. Everytime I find something that breaks my heart he always has some great reason why he was talking to her or had pics on his phone. He job is not condusive to fidelity. He is always texting random numbers and is very protective of his phone. We have two kids together 3 and 3 mo old. I gained weight after my first and I think he hates it. I am working SO hard to get it off. I don't know if I can take this much longer.
Any thoughts ... Anyone gone through this before.
 

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Sorry to hear about your problem.
First I do not think the problem is your weight. We all change as time passes and if he is not willing to accept this, then it is his problem. We all get old, and lose our looks sooner or later. I am fit and good looking and still my husband treats me like crap. I think you need to do things for yourself and not for him or anybody else. If you want to lose weight because it is going to make you happier, than I say go ahead, but if you are doing because you think he is going to stop with the porn and texting, I say there is a great chance you are going to be disappointed. I've seen happening many time. It happened to me. I always thought that if I changes this or that he would be better. I realized with time that he was the one that had to change his hurtful behavior, not me. Good luck and I hope you feel better soon!
 

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The first thing you need to do is what you are doing... you are working on yourself.

There are some books that will help you.


"Surviving An Affair" by Dr. Harley (you probably do not want your husband to see you read this one.)

The others are linked to in my signature block below for building a passionate marriage.
 

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Wait, a man looking at porn does not indicate an affair. Guarding his phone indicates secretive behavior or it could be possessive behavior. Is that all you got? When you say guards his phone, describe what you mean?

How's your sex life? How often do you guys spend time together? Have you always been jealous type, or might this be your response to feeling insecure due to weight gain?
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
First thanks for the responses everyone.
Our sex life is me begging and him always turning me down. I lucky if its once a month.
I have found pics of nude women on his phone from numbers I don't know.
The most recent incident was I picked up his phone and he was texting some girl. I continued the convo with her on his phone. She was real flirty and when I finally asked why she was talking to my husband in the middle of the night she apologized and said she didn't know he was married. That's when I woke him up and asked him about it. He was annoyed. Said she was just a friend he met online and it was innocent. I asked him why he didn't tell her he was married and he said he didn't think it was important and that it never came up.
 

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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
We have not done anything together since our honeymoon five years ago. If we ever do anything little together it's always my idea and then he wants to bring the kids instead of find a sitter...which of course is not time spent together.
By guards his phone I mean he sleeps with it... if I ask to see it I always have to have a reason then IF he lets me see it, it takes him a few minutes "doing something" before he will hand it to me. I stopped asking. I don't want to be that kind of wife/mother. If he is not happy I don't want to hold him up from what he wants. We only get one life.
Yes, I have always been the jealous type and yes, I am insecure thus the weight loss plan. 20 down and counting so far.
 

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Yup, sounds like the man is stepping out ...on the regular, no less. He thinks he's still a player. Wonder how much play he'll get when 3/5 of his income is sunk into spousal and child support.

First, if you haven't already, go over to surviving infidelity and learn all the tips and tricks for getting irrefutable proof. One you have it, go to an attorney to get him legally tossed out.

He sounds like an incredible schmuck, you'll be better off without him. Good luck Darlin!
 
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