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Last year, my husband turned himself into the local law enforcement for exposing himself to my daughter. He had been drinking nightly, more than I knew of (he would drink in the car after he got home, before he came inside) and was looking at porn a lot. After I got her and her brother back from the state(they were removed, citing a threat to the childrens welfare) I left town. My daughter was afraid that I would turn my husband into the cops if she told me, smart girl. Just recently, he sent me a letter, asking my forgiveness for everything that has happened. Thing is, I still love my husband. There is no trust whatsoever and after twelve years of marriage, it's hard. Being Christian, I have forgiven him for lying to me, for hiding it from me. Forgiveness for the act will have to come from my daughter however. Being away from the alcohol and the porn has opened his eyes to the severity of his actions and after my telling him that I was going to file for a divorce, he is asking me to reconsider. Praying for me to reconsider, he says. Needing my support now, more than ever. What about my daughter?! I need her to know that I am in her corner, 200%. So I'm stuck, proverbial rock and hard place. Should I file the divorce paperwork or just separate and do counseling after he gets out of prison?
 

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Why did you get your kids back from the state? Why were they in their care to begin with and not with you?
 

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How old is your daughter?

Realize that your marriage is going to be 1000X harder than it ever was before. A lack of tTrust is a very difficult thing to overcome. Not only that, but you'll be scared to leave your children alone with him. How is that going to affect your nerves?

If you get back together with him now, and things don't work out, it's going to be THAT much harder to get away from him again.

Think very hard about this decision before you make it.
 

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Some risks are just too great to take. Your daughter can't trust your husband to protect her. That leaves you. It's an awful position to be in, but you didn't ask for it and neither did your daughter. Asking for your forgiveness may be reasonable. Begging you to allow him to stay in the home and have continued access to your daughter is pretty audacious. I'd think if he truly understood the seriousness of his actions, it wouldn't cross his mind to even consider the possibility that he could come back into the home. Expecting even supervised visitation would be asking for a lot. The State apparently had some real concerns about your ability to protect your kids. I wouldn't give the State any reason to be doubt me further. If your husband has had a legitimate road to Damascus transformation, he'll understand the plight he's put you in. If you two are still in love after the kids are adults and no longer need your protection, there's nothing standing in your way.
 

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IMO, I think you should move forward, not backwards.
 

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Discussion Starter #6
@AgentD, cps had taken them citing the danger to them, they thought that I was supporting my husband at the time.
@Confused Wife, she's 8 and I understand that. Even in jail, he has an extended restraining order against him preventing him from contacting the kids at all.
@Unbelieveable and Jamison, I agree.. I have been praying about this, asking for guidance as for what to do.

Thank you, all of you, for your responses. I'll be getting the divorce paperwork started. Maybe AFTER the children have left the house, maybe things can be worked out. Thank you again.
 

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Thank you, all of you, for your responses. I'll be getting the divorce paperwork started. Maybe AFTER the children have left the house, maybe things can be worked out. Thank you again.
When she's an adult do you think she'll want her children to visit the man who did that to her as a child? Do you think SHE will want to visit a house where he lives? Getting back with this man at any point in your life is going to put your relationship with your daughter in jeopardy.
 

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While you are praying for guidance just remember that God helps those who help themselves, and read the parable about this "what you do to the least of mine you do to me".

You daughter is the most important person in all of this and she needs the protections of her mother. If her mother puts a man above her own child who will protect her. He got off too easily and he needs to be watched. He should be a registered sex offender and be ordered to stay away from children.

The porn and alcohol has nothing to do with his actions. They just removed the inhibitions on tendencies that were already there.

This man is very sick - can you really contemplate letting him touch you knowing what he did to your child. If you want to go back give up your children and then go back but keep him away from little girls.

Our society is very bad at protecting kids from sexual predators. Don't play into the hands of an already pornified sexualized society - protect your child.
 
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