[Hantei]

F $//g great, she didn't even show up as agreed. Sent an email with apologies (she is confused, shaken, doesn't know where her mind is and what to do, needs to get herself together before she talks to the son whom she loves and doesn't want to hurt more).

Guys, I don't know for sure if SOB has a wife, fiance, de facto or whatever. Kids or anyone else. Don't know how to find her and if there is a benefit in doing that. She I'm sure will find out soon - it's obvious my STBXW sees a "future" in them together I mean with SOB.

 

[aine]

F $//g great, she didn't even show up as agreed. Sent an email with apologies (she is confused, shaken, doesn't know where her mind is and what to do, needs to get herself together before she talks to the son whom she loves and doesn't want to hurt more).

Guys, I don't know for sure if SOB has a wife, fiance, de facto or whatever. Kids or anyone else. Don't know how to find her and if there is a benefit in doing that. She I'm sure will find out soon - it's obvious my STBXW sees a "future" in them together I mean with SOB.

Sorry Hantei, but you and your son are moving on, I cannot imagine that that 'relationship' will work out, it is likely if OM is a player that once he's got her permanently, he'll play her too but she is not your problem anymore, you are well rid of her. Just be there for your son and ensure he gets all the support he needs.

 

[Hantei]

Sorry Hantei, but you and your son are moving on, I cannot imagine that that 'relationship' will work out, it is likely if OM is a player that once he's got her permanently, he'll play her too but she is not your problem anymore, you are well rid of her. Just be there for your son and ensure he gets all the support he needs.

Thanks Aine. You are right and all of your points are valid. So are other posters. However as I'm only weeks from the D-day I'll likely to need some time to adjust and follow it to the letter.

 

[sparrow555]

F $//g great, she didn't even show up as agreed. Sent an email with apologies (she is confused, shaken, doesn't know where her mind is and what to do, needs to get herself together before she talks to the son whom she loves and doesn't want to hurt more).

Guys, I don't know for sure if SOB has a wife, fiance, de facto or whatever. Kids or anyone else. Don't know how to find her and if there is a benefit in doing that. She I'm sure will find out soon - it's obvious my STBXW sees a "future" in them together I mean with SOB.

Were you two together when you told you son about the divorce ?

 

[ing]

Thanks just called the school and will be meeting the principal. Great idea wrt Easter break. All your advice is great (only I need nothing from the Centrelink let alone STBXW or anyone else to maintain our lifestyle thanks God for 20 years of hard work).

Oops.. Sorry. The CPA will contact Centrelink as a first point of call. if your wife gets in first and claims primary care for family tax benefit then they will take a large chunk of your money until you can prove that he is with you.

 

[Hantei]

Oops.. Sorry. The CPA will contact Centrelink as a first point of call. if your wife gets in first and claims primary care for family tax benefit then they will take a large chunk of your money until you can prove that he is with you.

You are right. What I meant is that I need no child support, FTB or anything else. I have claimed FTB last financial year and he is under my name for health care rebate and private medical insurance. But again if she is entitled to money so be it. I don't care.

 

[ing]

F $//g great, she didn't even show up as agreed. Sent an email with apologies (she is confused, shaken, doesn't know where her mind is and what to do, needs to get herself together before she talks to the son whom she loves and doesn't want to hurt more).

Guys, I don't know for sure if SOB has a wife, fiance, de facto or whatever. Kids or anyone else. Don't know how to find her and if there is a benefit in doing that. She I'm sure will find out soon - it's obvious my STBXW sees a "future" in them together I mean with SOB.

This is obviously total and utter garbage. She is doing exactly what she wants to despite the pain it causes your son. She is not confused. She is not shaken and her apologies are worthless to you and him because actions speak louder than words.

She won't make it in a relationship with this guy because affairs are parasitic. They require a real relationship to feed on to survive. Do not be the host. She will make efforts to engage you.

It is time to stop checking the phone logs now.. In fact cut her phone off. No longer part of the family is she.

 

[ing]

You are right. What I meant is that I need no child support, FTB or anything else. I have claimed FTB last financial year and he is under my name for health care rebate and private medical insurance. But again if she is entitled to money so be it. I don't care.

That is a good attitude. Sort CPA out when they call you. Just keep records of how often he is with you from today. They will assume you are a wife beating SOB. Just be ready for that..

 

[Hantei]

Were you two together when you told you son about the divorce ?

The short version is (I'm not going to mention what has been said between me and my son and his reaction - I want to keep him out if this). I have asked her not to accompany me to the airport as I don't like her company atm. She agreed. On my way home I told him there are issues, we are separating so he demanded explanation straight after we arrived home. She started to give a PG+ version "we are having issues, need to spend time apart, we both love you". I couldn't hold it and just said "the truth is your mum has another man in her life and is moving out to stay with her parents". He locked himself in his room. STBXW got extremely upset, blamed me for bad mouthing her and soon packed and left.

 

[estwe]

He deserves to know the truth. You did well there!

Odesláno z mého HM NOTE 1LTE pomocí Tapatalk

 

[farsidejunky]

The short version is (I'm not going to mention what has been said between me and my son and his reaction - I want to keep him out if this). I have asked her not to accompany me to the airport as I don't like her company atm. She agreed. On my way home I told him there are issues, we are separating so he demanded explanation straight after we arrived home. She started to give a PG+ version "we are having issues, need to spend time apart, we both love you". I couldn't hold it and just said "the truth is your mum has another man in her life and is moving out to stay with her parents". He locked himself in his room. STBXW got extremely upset, blamed me for bad mouthing her and soon packed and left.

Perfectly handled, Hantei.

Sent from my SM-N910V using Tapatalk

 

[bfree]

The short version is (I'm not going to mention what has been said between me and my son and his reaction - I want to keep him out if this). I have asked her not to accompany me to the airport as I don't like her company atm. She agreed. On my way home I told him there are issues, we are separating so he demanded explanation straight after we arrived home. She started to give a PG+ version "we are having issues, need to spend time apart, we both love you". I couldn't hold it and just said "the truth is your mum has another man in her life and is moving out to stay with her parents". He locked himself in his room. STBXW got extremely upset, blamed me for bad mouthing her and soon packed and left.

Your son is older right? He deserved the truth and if your wife has to account for her behavior so be it. There are many former WS on TAM that have had to disclose their affairs to their children. There may have been some initial angst but in the end all the parent/child relationships recovered in time. If your wife is honest and open with your son it will go a long way toward rebuilding trust between them.

 

[sparrow555]

The short version is (I'm not going to mention what has been said between me and my son and his reaction - I want to keep him out if this). I have asked her not to accompany me to the airport as I don't like her company atm. She agreed. On my way home I told him there are issues, we are separating so he demanded explanation straight after we arrived home. She started to give a PG+ version "we are having issues, need to spend time apart, we both love you". I couldn't hold it and just said "the truth is your mum has another man in her life and is moving out to stay with her parents". He locked himself in his room. STBXW got extremely upset, blamed me for bad mouthing her and soon packed and left.

If telling the truth about her is bad mouthing her, then she should probably rethink her actions. But it is easier to blame you I guess.


Good thing you told him that she has a new guy in an age appropriate way while she was trying some PG bull**** about issues and separation. Good for you.

 

[Chaparral]

Thank you for not lying to your son. Sooner rather than later you will see the value in that.

 

[86857]

The short version is (I'm not going to mention what has been said between me and my son and his reaction - I want to keep him out if this). I have asked her not to accompany me to the airport as I don't like her company atm. She agreed. On my way home I told him there are issues, we are separating so he demanded explanation straight after we arrived home. She started to give a PG+ version "we are having issues, need to spend time apart, we both love you". I couldn't hold it and just said "the truth is your mum has another man in her life and is moving out to stay with her parents". He locked himself in his room. STBXW got extremely upset, blamed me for bad mouthing her and soon packed and left.

Exactly the right thing to do - you told him the truth.
Otherwise there would be even more pain ahead for him when he found out that he had been effectively lied to.
It's known as trickle-truthing.

 

[eric1]

You told him the truth and treated him like an adult. The fallout of this will be a magnificent clusterf**k but guess what?

1. Not an ounce of this is your fault
2. The fallout will be severe but he'll grow up to be a good person who most importantly has trust in atleast one of his parents.

All you can do is do everything you can for him : "obviously neither of us want to be here, but all I can promise you is that you come first."

 

[Blossom Leigh]

Great job not letting her bold faced lie to your son. Be his rock.

 

[Iver]

Good for you. He deserves the truth - age appropriate of course.

Don't allow for a second any "we grew apart" or "it just happens" nonsense to be put out as the truth to your son. Plain English, she has a boyfriend and marriage is two people, not three.

Don't allow her to introduce your son to the POSOM as a "new friend" either. Make sure he knows who this person is from the get go.

 

[ing]

STBXW got extremely upset, blamed me for bad mouthing her and soon packed and left.

This is straight out of the book.

Next is a tearful phone call that it all could have been worked out between you if only you had not told your son.

Delusional

 

[Iver]

This is straight out of the book.

Next is a tearful phone call that it all could have been worked out between you if only you had not told your son.

Delusional

I'd be curious what she thought would happen, if she thought at all. I suspect her husband was supposed to quietly leave and the OM moves into the house. Everyone is friends of course, with the husband coming by to fix leaky faucets when needed...

The level of self absorption and delusion is unfortunately quite common. The truth is the best weapon against this.