Last week I hacked my husbands facebook account and found message archives between him and other women, he was trolling and "looking for someone to spend the rest of his life with". I became angry as he has had several EA's in the past, one every few years cyclically with the cycle being broken by a move followed by a summer (06) when I had an online friendship which may qualify as an EA except we weren't like that, we were good friends talking about marital issues. I didn't see him as a boyfriend, it was more like being 13 and having a new best girlfriend. I am not excusing it, this friendship gave me confidence, it was so nice for a an to find value in me, especially since I had been so isolated and my husbands EA's had left my self esteem in shreds.
During this summer(06) I went out with a girlfriend a couple of times and visited her house a couple times, mostly with my kids (she had a pool) Because I never really had gone anywhere or had friends in the past my husband freaked out and swore I was having an affair. I didn't handle this the best, I told him he was being hypocritical and if his EA's and other work flirtations were harmless, how could anything I was doing be wrong?
When he thought he had competition he started being nice to me, and treating my like I had value. He started telling me I was pretty and I thought things were on the mend.
He started drinking more and more and when drunk would fixate on my "affair". He would rant for hours trying to get me to admit to a physical affair. He took all kinds of things I said during that summer to mean I was having an affair. He said I had "gotten even".
Now I have caught him messaging women on facebook, looking up old girlfriends and old EA's from early on in the marriage and messaging female coworkers inappropriately. He says he was just looking for a piece of A** because I have lost interest in sex. Which isn't totally incorrect, I haven't been overly sexual recently, mostly due to his drinking, I cannot stand him anymore when he is drinking. I just wish he would go to sleep. He also states he is just getting even with me for this affair he has blown up in his mind.
He cried last week after he left, stated he loved me and wanted to come home. I am sad and depressed and wish things were different, but I also know this cannot go on for the rest of my life, but we have been together for over 20 years and it is hard to let go.
I talked to him this morning and it was a totally different tune from last week, he was back to "I just did it to get back at you" and being very angry with me.
I feel like such a loser.
We have 4 kids btw, one with special needs
During this summer(06) I went out with a girlfriend a couple of times and visited her house a couple times, mostly with my kids (she had a pool) Because I never really had gone anywhere or had friends in the past my husband freaked out and swore I was having an affair. I didn't handle this the best, I told him he was being hypocritical and if his EA's and other work flirtations were harmless, how could anything I was doing be wrong?
When he thought he had competition he started being nice to me, and treating my like I had value. He started telling me I was pretty and I thought things were on the mend.
He started drinking more and more and when drunk would fixate on my "affair". He would rant for hours trying to get me to admit to a physical affair. He took all kinds of things I said during that summer to mean I was having an affair. He said I had "gotten even".
Now I have caught him messaging women on facebook, looking up old girlfriends and old EA's from early on in the marriage and messaging female coworkers inappropriately. He says he was just looking for a piece of A** because I have lost interest in sex. Which isn't totally incorrect, I haven't been overly sexual recently, mostly due to his drinking, I cannot stand him anymore when he is drinking. I just wish he would go to sleep. He also states he is just getting even with me for this affair he has blown up in his mind.
He cried last week after he left, stated he loved me and wanted to come home. I am sad and depressed and wish things were different, but I also know this cannot go on for the rest of my life, but we have been together for over 20 years and it is hard to let go.
I talked to him this morning and it was a totally different tune from last week, he was back to "I just did it to get back at you" and being very angry with me.
I feel like such a loser.
We have 4 kids btw, one with special needs