I have never been on any site like this before, and I am pretty nervous about writing online. This seems to be a safe place for me to share and hopefully get some guidance.
Background: My husband and I met when we were 18 but did not start dating until we were mid twenties. We married 4.5 years ago, i was 29 he was 30.
My husband has a temper. He is very quick to anger and even the most petty small things makes him very upset. Like if I forgot an item at the store, it would make him freak out and make me feel stupid. I knew this about him before we married, but accepted it as part of who he is. Almost 2 years ago, we had to move into his mother's house. Essentially we live in the attic, as it is the only place for any kind of privacy. However, when we fight, and we do every day almost, he is very loud that the neighbours can hear him. He insults me a lot when we are fighting. Calling me awful names that I can not post here with out getting banned. He calls me stupid and treats me like a child. He tries to "ground" me off items he has purchased as they are his (such as tv, computer etc). We used to have a joint account and he has since taken me off of it saying he wants to do our finances separate. He has not held a steady job since we have been together (almost 8 years now). I have had multiple jobs and never been off work. He degrades my job saying it isn't real because I start at 10 am instead of 6 am like a "normal person".
Two and a half years ago, I started to have stomach problems due to stress. Stress from him mostly, also with financial issues and other life matters. I am bleeding from my stomach due to stress (bleeding ulcer). I never had any stress issues before my husband came into my life. I am on medication and my problems get worse the more he yells at me.
I cry daily, sometimes all day if I have the day off from one of my jobs. I cry at night when I try to go to sleep. I have no self worth, as he rejects me constantly of intimacy. I feel awful about myself. I hate feeling like this.
He constantly brings up divorce and how he does not want to be with me when "I am like this", generally speaking, if i do not do what he wants when he wants, i get yelled at or "scolded". I have called him out on the divorce topic before as he always says it then apologizes a day or two later. He then replies with I will stay with you so I can make your life hell. I am constantly saying I am not your servant. He really makes me feel awful when he says stuff, I feel like I am the worst wife in the world (he says that too). My friends and family all want me to leave him. But i love him so much..i don't know why. I would work all day and come home to him asking me to do this and that when all he did all day was play video games with his friends. He says things like he wished he never met me, and he made the biggest mistake of his life when he married me.
He blames my family for not raising me properly. I think my family raised me just fine, and my family is also very loving, where his is not. They do not hug or anything, I find this weird, as my family are very affectionate.
I do talk back to him when we start fighting as he blames me for everything that goes wrong in our lives, and I don't feel like I should just take the blame as that is not fair.
I am so upset. I can't leave him as I love him SO much! Why do I love someone so much when they treat me this way?
Fortunately we do not have any children, just a dog, who would come with me if I was to stay.
It feels like he never wants to move out of his mothers and I can not stand it there. I have told him how depressed I am at his mothers and he just says i have to suck it up and grow up. He also has said unless i can pay exactly half of rent and bills, he will not move out with me. I do not make as much as him, as I have a car to pay for and it takes up most of my pay. There is no way i can pay half of everything and I have been searching for new employment to try to make more money. This makes me feel like we will NEVER leave that house! It is full of negative energy and I feel like I am dying inside, if I haven't already.
I have gone to counseling, alone, as he will not go. He says we don't have a problem, just me. I'm the one who needs counseling he says.
Please help me. I don't know what to do and I am so very sad.
Thank you for taking the time to read this.
Background: My husband and I met when we were 18 but did not start dating until we were mid twenties. We married 4.5 years ago, i was 29 he was 30.
My husband has a temper. He is very quick to anger and even the most petty small things makes him very upset. Like if I forgot an item at the store, it would make him freak out and make me feel stupid. I knew this about him before we married, but accepted it as part of who he is. Almost 2 years ago, we had to move into his mother's house. Essentially we live in the attic, as it is the only place for any kind of privacy. However, when we fight, and we do every day almost, he is very loud that the neighbours can hear him. He insults me a lot when we are fighting. Calling me awful names that I can not post here with out getting banned. He calls me stupid and treats me like a child. He tries to "ground" me off items he has purchased as they are his (such as tv, computer etc). We used to have a joint account and he has since taken me off of it saying he wants to do our finances separate. He has not held a steady job since we have been together (almost 8 years now). I have had multiple jobs and never been off work. He degrades my job saying it isn't real because I start at 10 am instead of 6 am like a "normal person".
Two and a half years ago, I started to have stomach problems due to stress. Stress from him mostly, also with financial issues and other life matters. I am bleeding from my stomach due to stress (bleeding ulcer). I never had any stress issues before my husband came into my life. I am on medication and my problems get worse the more he yells at me.
I cry daily, sometimes all day if I have the day off from one of my jobs. I cry at night when I try to go to sleep. I have no self worth, as he rejects me constantly of intimacy. I feel awful about myself. I hate feeling like this.
He constantly brings up divorce and how he does not want to be with me when "I am like this", generally speaking, if i do not do what he wants when he wants, i get yelled at or "scolded". I have called him out on the divorce topic before as he always says it then apologizes a day or two later. He then replies with I will stay with you so I can make your life hell. I am constantly saying I am not your servant. He really makes me feel awful when he says stuff, I feel like I am the worst wife in the world (he says that too). My friends and family all want me to leave him. But i love him so much..i don't know why. I would work all day and come home to him asking me to do this and that when all he did all day was play video games with his friends. He says things like he wished he never met me, and he made the biggest mistake of his life when he married me.
He blames my family for not raising me properly. I think my family raised me just fine, and my family is also very loving, where his is not. They do not hug or anything, I find this weird, as my family are very affectionate.
I do talk back to him when we start fighting as he blames me for everything that goes wrong in our lives, and I don't feel like I should just take the blame as that is not fair.
I am so upset. I can't leave him as I love him SO much! Why do I love someone so much when they treat me this way?
Fortunately we do not have any children, just a dog, who would come with me if I was to stay.
It feels like he never wants to move out of his mothers and I can not stand it there. I have told him how depressed I am at his mothers and he just says i have to suck it up and grow up. He also has said unless i can pay exactly half of rent and bills, he will not move out with me. I do not make as much as him, as I have a car to pay for and it takes up most of my pay. There is no way i can pay half of everything and I have been searching for new employment to try to make more money. This makes me feel like we will NEVER leave that house! It is full of negative energy and I feel like I am dying inside, if I haven't already.
I have gone to counseling, alone, as he will not go. He says we don't have a problem, just me. I'm the one who needs counseling he says.
Please help me. I don't know what to do and I am so very sad.
Thank you for taking the time to read this.
